"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." Although Sir Isaac Newton was referring to motion when he spoke these words, the same can be said for discipline.

In this regard, we call the equal and opposite reaction a consequence.

Consequences are different than punishments. Webster's New World Dictionary defines this: Punishment (n) a penalty imposed on an offender for a crime or wrongdoing. Consequence (n) a logical result or conclusion.

Childcare experts agree that using consequences is a much more effective way to discipline than using punishments. "The goal of discipline is to help children develop self-discipline and self-worth," says Sam Goldstein, Ph.D., a psychologist and faculty member at the University of Utah. Consequences help attain this goal because they are not harsh, arbitrary decisions made in anger or frustration. They are based on communication and choice.

"Punishments are usually come up with very spontaneously and impulsively, and are often regretted later," says Sara Dimerman, psychological associate and director of the Parent Education Resource Center in Thornhill, Ontario, Canada. "Consequences are set up in advance so the child makes a choice when he or she decides to behave in a certain manner."

Dimerman adds that using consequences establishes a respectful relationship between parent and child that lasts a lifetime. "Spanking has immediate results – usually a child will respond within seconds and change behavior right away – but what is it doing in the long term?" asks Dimerman. A child who feels afraid and intimidated will have a much different relationship with his parents than one who feels loved and respected.

It's Only Natural – and Logical
Consequences are broken down into two categories: natural and logical. Natural consequences are those that occur without any parental intervention. "Parents don't have to enforce them because they follow naturally from the child's actions," explains Goldstein, co-author of Raising Resilient Children (Contemporary Press, 2001). If a child does not eat, she feels hungry. If a child does not dress properly, he feels cold. Natural consequences are often the best teachers, and should be allowed to happen whenever possible.

However, there are times when natural consequences are unsafe, ineffective or inappropriate. For example, the natural consequence of running into the street is being hit by a car. This, of course, is unacceptable. The natural consequence of throwing food is a dirty floor, but that doesn't matter to a young child. Therefore, that natural consequence would be ineffective.

In such cases, parents are encouraged to use logical consequences. "A logical consequence requires parental intervention directly related to the misbehavior," says Dimerman. "One that makes sense." So a child running into the street would be taken inside. A child who throws food would have his plate taken away.

Logical consequences require forethought and creativity as well as patience. Parents need to inform their child of the consequences before enforcing them. In the food-throwing example, a parent using logical consequences might say, "Peas need to stay on the plate. If you keep throwing them I will remove you from the table." This lets the child know what the consequence is and offers him a choice. He can keep the peas on his plate and continue to eat, or he can throw another pea and be taken away from the table.

For help determining logical consequences, Dimerman recommends the book Positive Discipline A-Z (Prima Publishing, 1999). "It's like an encyclopedia of different behaviors with logical consequences for each," she says.

Ain't Misbehavin'
When working with children age 3 and younger, parents and caregivers need to keep the child's age and developmental level in mind. "A lot of what appears to be misbehavior is actually normal behavior for that age group," says Dimerman. Things like playing in potted plants, taking the tape out of cassettes, and finger painting with mud are all typical behaviors of curious young children. It isn't naughty; it's normal. She believes these behaviors should not lead to disciplinary actions. "Discipline them in terms of setting boundaries and telling them what's appropriate and what's not, but not in terms of setting up a consequence or time-out."

Goldstein agrees, citing unrealistic expectations as the most common barrier to effective discipline. "To punish children for actions over which they have little, if any, control over is unfair," he says. "To teach children self-control, we must be realistic in our expectations."

Dimerman says, "It's not like dealing with an 8-year-old where you can more clearly see what's a misbehavior." With her own 2-year-old, she determines misbehavior by the way her daughter looks at her. "When she goes over to the cupboard and looks back to see if I'm watching, and then kind of gives me a smirk when she gets her hands into something – then she knows she's doing something that she shouldn't be doing." However, she offers, if her child walks over to the same cupboard nonchalantly and just takes something that she shouldn't have without any naughtiness, Dimerman deals with that situation very differently.

Keep in Mind
Using consequences is not likely to have the same immediate effects as more punitive measures of discipline, but that doesn't mean the method isn't working. Consequences teach children about cause and effect – life lessons that will lead to self-discipline. If a child doesn't feel sad or upset about the consequences, you shouldn't impose another punishment. "Consequences are not used to make a child mind, they're to make him learn," says Dimerman.

"It is important for parents to remember that these tools are very effective when parents understand their children's level of development," says Goldstein, "and when these interventions are offered with love, support and understanding."

Take our quick discipline quiz here to see if you use natural and logical consequences when disciplining.

Want to see more?

• Do Time-Outs Work for Toddlers?
• Catch Them Being Good: Reviewing the Reward System
• Corners and Swats or Praise and Pardons? Discipline for Young Children
• The Do's and Don'ts of Discipline
• Toddler Discipline and Guidance Issues