If you are the parent of a toddler, you probably have toilet training on your mind. I’m betting that you have heard about 50 different things about training, and they’re all different, right? Or maybe your grandmother, sister-in-law and the doctor’s receptionist all say your toddler’s too old to be in diapers and you are feeling the pressures of society. You are not alone! But let’s get one thing straight right now: If you force your toddler to train before he is ready, you could end up with bigger problems than having to change a diaper a few times a day. I’ll tell you why in a moment.

If you haven’t heard an earful on making the switch from diapers to the potty, you’ve certainly seen the gadgets and programs - one product turns having a bowel movement into a game by encouraging tots to hit floating targets, and musical potty chairs help little ones conquer fears about falling in - and with all of the books, videos, sticker charts and games, you’d think toilet training could only be done with the help of Toys 'R' Us!

But beyond the gismos (some of which, from what I hear, work wonderfully) and the two-day methods, there lies a basic formula that must apply to your child before he or she can become totally free of diapers without a battle. Here it is:

Waste elimination control + emotional readiness = toilet trained.

That’s all. Now, before you start raising a skeptical eyebrow, let me explain how it works (and give you some ammunition for the next encounter with grandma, who says little Joey should have been trained a year ago…).

Physical Control
Control is very important when it comes to toilet training. No, I am not talking about controlling your toddler, I’m talking about the control your toddler has over his bladder or bowel movements. To give you an idea of why it is hard for kids to learn control, let’s review the basic elimination process. When you have to go the bathroom, either to urinate or to have a bowel movement, you feel an urge. Some people feel it for a long time before they have to go; some people only feel it for a few minutes. When you feel that urge, you know what it means. You understand what your body is telling you. So, you go to the bathroom. Because you’ve been doing it for so long, you may not always notice that you have to control your urge until you are able to get to the bathroom.

Children are not born with this same understanding - and they are certainly not born with control. In fact, babies under 12 months of age have no control over their bladder or bowel movements and little control for about six months after that, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). So, a child younger than 18 months is less likely to be toilet trained, simply because he or she cannot control the urge long enough to go to the bathroom and get on a potty.

And then there is the issue of understanding the urge. Imagine having an itch in your ear every 3 to 4 hours each and every day. You would probably rub at it, wonder about it and eventually adjust and adapt to it. Now, let’s imagine that someone tells you that you can’t rub at your ear (which was such a relief) when it itches until you walk down to the end of the street and sit on a park bench. Only then can you rub your ear. You’d be pretty confused, wouldn’t you? Of course, if everyone else were doing it, you would eventually follow along - especially if people looked at you with disapproving glances when you rubbed it before you got to the bench - and you would begin to understand that this is what is expected of you. You see, kids don’t understand why they need to defecate in the round thing in the bathroom when they can relieve themselves in a diaper (which is easier). It will take them a while to get used to the idea.

So, your toddler needs to have the ability to control his urge to have a bladder or bowel movement, and he needs to understand what that urge means. He has to give up instinctual feelings to relieve himself whenever he feels the need and understand when he has to control the urge. Here are some signs that your toddler may be physically ready to train:

• Your toddler can stay dry during nap time or for more than 2 hours during the day (staying dry all night does not usually happen until later).


• You can predict when your child will have a bowel movement because it is fairly regular.


• Your child expresses that he has to have a bowel or bladder movement with either words, expressions or actions (like dancing around or grasping the diaper).


• Your child can get undressed fairly easily without help and can walk without help.