You've been best friends since the seventh grade. First there was the prom. Then there were weddings. And now, you both have babies of your own.

At first it was great. You kept each other company through morning sickness, debated diaper brand absorbencies, and you knew when the baby was sick even before the pediatrician knew.

But now, something seems different. The babies have grown into toddlers, and you just can't seem to find the time to call. Maybe it really is because you're too busy. Or maybe that's just an excuse.

The last time you talked, your dear old pal couldn't believe your toddler was still breastfeeding. She even sounded a bit offended. And you? Well, you made no secret about your dismay at the number of hours she worked.

Could it be, that after sharing everything for so many years, you've finally found something that you don't have in common?

"Differing parenting styles can cause great problems in friendships," says Dr. Margaret Paul, best-selling author and co-author of Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You? "And the outcome depends on one thing: Are both people open to learning about each other's point of view, or are one or both closed and defensive? Open and caring relationships can lead to much learning, but when one parent is treating her children in a way that the other judges as wrong, and they have no way of exploring the differences, it can lead to the dissolution of the friendship."

Breaking Up is Hard to Do
Carma Haley of Chester, Va. said goodbye to a 12-year relationship with a dear friend because of parenting differences. Their conflict resulted from Haley's idea of parent-child communication.

"[My friend's] children were to stand with their hands behind their backs when she or her husband were speaking to them, as well as not dispute whatever was being said," Haley says. "I, on the other hand, sit down at the table with my children and allow them a time to offer their thoughts [and] differing opinions ... before any decisions that involve them are made."

Unfortunately, her friend had a problem with this open discussion. And while she often criticized Haley for being lenient, one comment went too far.

"She told me that ... allowing my children so much freedom [was letting them] walk all over me," Haley says. "She even said, 'I will bet you my house and car that at least two of your three boys end up in prison because of you."

Haley tried to save the relationship, but it was much easier to walk away than stay and endure her friend's hurtful remarks. In doing so, she learned an important lesson that Dr. Paul addresses.

"I counsel the people I work with to speak their truth and see what happens, but they can do this only if they are willing to lose the friendship rather than lose themselves and swallow their feelings."

Growing Apart
For some people, the break is less eventful. Instead of separating in a flurry of allegations, the parties simply drift apart.

"My husband's best friend has been his friend since kindergarten," says Brette McWhorter Sember of Basom, New York. "When they had their first child, we had a 6-year-old and a baby on the way. Our son is two months younger than theirs, and I think we all really thought it would bring us closer together. But, it didn't at all."

Instead the children showed the adults how different they really were. For one, McWhorter Sember left a career in law to stay home. She also decided to breastfeed a toddler and saw nothing wrong with a parent and child sharing sleep. Their friends disagreed on all accounts.

"Our contacts became more infrequent," she says. "I knew it was over when we hadn't heard from them for a while. And then, he called to tell us their second baby had been born, and we didn't even know she was pregnant!"

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Sometimes, the friendship survives differences in parenting styles. As Dr. Paul says, openness, tolerance, understanding and acceptance go along way in saving the relationship.

Add to that a bit of distance, and you've got a winning combination.

"Jodi and I are like night and day," says Nicole Joop* of Saginaw, Mich. "In college, we were joined at the hip. Now what keeps us together is the three thousand miles that separate us."

Joop and her best friend disagree on every aspect of parenting. "My friend lets her kids cry and likes to swat their bottoms. I can't stand a whimper and never even raise my voice," she says.

Because the two rarely see each other, it's easier to avoid the touchy subjects and be more tolerant. "Even if she does say something nuts, I can handle it when we're on the phone," Joop says.

This summer, her friend suggested they all go on a family vacation. After a brief period of deliberation, Joop decided she already had plans.

Turning the Other Cheek
For some people, having a plan is the way they cope rather than the way they escape.

In fact, having a plan is what keeps Kathryn Lay of Arlington, Texas on sociable terms with her friend. After increasing rudeness, aggression and destructive behavior by her friend's children, Lay decided to take action.

For her, this meant keeping quiet. "We value their friendship enough to know that if we were ever to be honest about all this, they'd take it badly," she says.

So Lay and her husband came up with a plan: They get together at the friends' house, rather than have the aggressive children destroy their own home. While they are there, the Lays keep a close eye on their daughter. "And pray a lot," she adds.

They also use a tactic that might be helpful to other parents in discipline struggles with friends: They try to go out as couples, rather than as a group with the children.

Most differences in parenting do not have to spell doom for the relationship. It really boils down to what the friendship means to you. In the words of Dr. Paul, "Caring friendships call for embracing the differences rather than needing to be right and to control what one's friend does."

*Name has been changed.