Parents have many jobs: teacher, cook, maid, counselor, referee -- just to name a few. But, there is one job that takes more time and effort than others: disciplinarian. And as methods of discipline vary, there are many who are more than willing to offer their advice as to how this job can -- and should -- be done.

According to Graciella C. Drew, a dependent care consultant for LifeWorks Strategies in Rockville, Md., parents need to help children control their behavior because they cannot do it by themselves. "Toddlers are not trying to drive their parents crazy, they are simply learning about their environment and their role in it," says Drew. "By constantly trying new things and seeing what reactions they can elicit, children establish their own identity and learn how to function in their world."

Spanking and Such
One of the more controversial methods of discipline is spanking. According to Drew, spanking does not teach self-control, which is what discipline should do. "(Spanking) teaches a child to react with violence to something they do not approve of," she says. "Parents often misinterpret age appropriate behavior as 'defiance' or 'acting out,' and try to control the behavior through punishment, such as spanking, which simply teaches another acting out behavior in it's place. What the child needs, instead, is guidance and understanding."

Even in the midst of controversy, some parents feel that there is a place and time to use spanking, and they do. "I think spanking can be an effective means of discipline when used appropriately," says Linda Denton, a mom from Ann Arbor, Mich. "It should be one of the last steps in a progressive list of discipline, and should be used only after other methods have failed. But there is a place and a time when spanking is the only way that the importance of a situation is understood."

A Matter of Time
Another commonly used method of discipline is "time-out." The child is removed from the situation and placed in a quiet area where they are supposed to consider what it is they did wrong. It's that simple; or is it? Are parents expecting too much of their young child when using this method? According to Victoria Speaks-Folds, vice president of education for Tutor Time Learning Systems, Inc. in Boca Raton, Fla., they are. "Parents commonly expect young children to understand what they did wrong," says Speaks-Folds. "Young children are not wired yet to do so. Parents approach young children expecting them to respond with adult-like abilities, but (the parents) need to remember that children under 3 years of age aren't there yet, and won't get there without their help."

However, others believe that time-outs can be very effective when used properly. Naomi Drew, author of Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids, states that consistency is important to make time-outs affective. "As the child reaches toddlerhood, time outs can be used, but make them brief and immediate," says Naomi Drew. "The most important thing of all is setting clear consistent, fair limits and sticking with them. Be willing to compromise when you think it's the best thing to do, not because the child wears you down. If your child is defiant (while in time-out) look him/her clearly in the eye, and in a firm voice explain that what he/she said or did is unacceptable and give a time-out."

Prize Winning Behavior
The reward system is yet another method recommended for young children. Naomi Drew states that the reward system is based on positive feedback and can help build a child's self-esteem as well as teach self-control. "Catch your children in the act of doing things right and offer sincere and deserved praise or reward immediately," she says. "When we praise the positive things they do, we hold up a mirror to their best selves and help them see the behaviors we want them to replicate. Kids want to recapture the positive feelings they have when we recognize their good behaviors, so they tend to repeat the things that were the sources of praise."

Dr. Thomas Gordon, author of Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.), states that when the reward system is used, children may simply imitate what they know will get them what they want or need. "When parents give rewards -- paying money, giving candy, making promises to go places -- to stop or encourage certain behaviors in their child, the child works for the rewards instead of being motivated from within," he says. "This in no way builds self-esteem or self-control. It only contributes to the child wanting the reward and doing what they have to do to get it."

The Diversion Tactic
According to Speaks-Folds, the simplest form of discipline for children younger than 3 years is the 2D system: "distract and divert." "We suggest that parents use a redirection policy with young children of this age," says Speaks-Folds. "This age child is not acting with a pre-designed purpose; they are being their age. Our job is to direct that response and reaction to appropriate conclusions. If a child is getting into mischief, it is best to just redirect to another area of activity, which lets them know that what they are doing is not acceptable. An adult does not have to heighten their voice, or appear angry; merely redirect the child's interest."

Using the diversion tactic can often be more difficult than it seems. As young children may be learning and wanting independence, offering a diversion could lead to crying or even tantrums. "My son would get something in his hand or even in his mind and he would be filled with determination," says Carol Miller, a mother from Avon, Ohio. "It was almost impossible to keep him from running back to whatever it was I was trying to divert him from. It took more energy, more time and a lot more patience to try to get his attention focused on something else than it did to just remove the object from him or him from the area. He would eventually go on to something else, but only on his time."

Making Your Choice
There is no magical technique that will work for every child in every situation. Parents must decide for them -- and their children -- which method of discipline works and fits into their lifestyle. One thing for certain is that it's important to choose both an effective discipline method as well as one that nourishes a child's self-esteem. "A parent's focus should be on teaching and guiding a child's behavior, not controlling it, and ultimately helping the child to learn to control his own behavior," says Graciella Drew. "Especially with young children, the emphasis should be on understanding the developmental stages and using this in setting reasonable expectations. With love, patience, and respect, children can learn proper behavior, self-control and responsibility."