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Home › Expert Q&A › Sleep Issues › My 12-month-old son still wakes up two or three times a night and has difficulty settling himself down to sleep again. I don't believe in the "cry it out" approach. What should I do?

Expert Q&A

 

By Susan Bartell
Licensed Psychologist

My 12-month-old son still wakes up two or three times a night and has difficulty settling himself down to sleep again. I don't believe in the "cry it out" approach. What should I do?

Night waking in older babies and toddlers can have many causes including teething, wet diapers or nightmares. However, the most common cause, when a child has never mastered sleeping through the night, is that he has not learned how to soothe himself to sleep without assistance.

Sleep has different phases, and children (like all of us) cycle through deep and light sleep several times a night. As young children move into a light stage of sleep they will either settle themselves back into a deeper pattern or, like your son, will wake up and require assistance (your rubbing and rocking) to settle down again.

There is a chance that your son will grow out of his night waking, however, since he is waking up quite frequently, this will be a difficult habit to break the longer it is left, which could leave you sleepless for a long time to come!

You certainly don't need to resort to allowing your son to scream himself into an exhausted sleep, however if you run in as soon as he stirs, he will miss the important opportunity to teach himself how to fall asleep. Resist the urge to go in until he starts to cry in earnest. Then when you do go into his room don't take him out of his crib at all. Rub or pat his back until he quiets down, but not until he is sleeping. Allow him to try to fall asleep by himself. The first few times he may begin to cry again, but when he realizes that you are nearby he will settle down again. Eventually he will fall asleep by himself. Once he learns this skill he will be able to soothe himself back to sleep without your presence.

Although this technique may take a few weeks to be successful, it is well worth the effort. The ability to soothe oneself is important in many frustrating life experiences other than sleep, all through childhood and into adulthood.

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