quick clicks

babies today articles

babies today q&a

toddlers today articles

toddlers today q&a

breastfeed.com articles

breastfeed.com q&a

community & groups

research baby names

prepare a birth plan

content channels

ip channel rss feeds

read birth stories

read parenting stories

recommended books

e-newsletters

safety recalls

ip diaries

ip store

mom of the month

dad of the month

editor's letter

letters to the editor

Expert Q&A

	By Elizabeth Pantley Child Behavior Expert Better Beginnings, Inc.

When my children misbehave in public, I lose confidence in my parenting skills. Any advice?

Handling misbehavior at home is one thing, but what about in public? When your child yells, stomps, screams, or throws his body onto the floor you may attract an audience. When this happens you then feel like your hands are tied, since everyone's watching you.

Think about it: The first time your child acted this way in public, you were probably caught off guard. In your embarrassment, you did everything you could to stop the behavior. If you had looked closely, you would have seen a little twinkle appear in your child's eye as he realized he discovered a new way to get what he wants. In order to get back on track, try the following ideas.

Prepare in advance: Use a preventive approach by reviewing desired behavior prior to entering a public building. "Eric, we're going into the toy store now. We are going to buy a birthday gift for Troy. We are not buying anything for ourselves today. If you see something you like, let me know, and I'll put it on your wish list."

Be reasonable: While you may be concentrating on your tasks, your child has been shoved in and out of his car seat and ushered from place to place enduring endless hours looking at grown up knees. You may be able to prevent public misbehavior by bringing along a toy or snack to keep your child occupied. Also, get him involved by having him select groceries, find the shoe store, read the menu to you, or any other "busy work.ö The positive attention and focused activity will keep him happy and busy.

Get out of dodge: When the bad behavior starts, put your face next to your child's ear and announce, "Stop now or we go out to the car." If he doesn't stop, pick him up or lead him to the car. Sit him in the back seat while you stand outside the door (or, in foul weather, sit in the front seat and pointedly ignore him). An alternative to the car is to find a secluded bench or quiet corner. If he doesn't stop quickly, and you can change your schedule, go home. The extra time it takes to do this once or twice will establish great credibility and can save you from many painful hours at the mall with an obstinate teenager.

Get HIS attention: Get eye level with your child and say, "Follow me." Break eye contact and begin to walk away. Walk slowly where he can see you. Many children will follow. If yours doesn't, stop a short distance away and wait, pretending interest in something else, while you wait. After a few minutes pass, and your child has calmed down, you can approach your child, hold him by the hand, and say, "Let's go now."

Set up a training session: If public misbehavior is a regular occurrence, plan a training session. Go to the grocery store. Buy a few staples and put a nice assortment of your child's favorite goodies in the cart (potato chips, ice cream, and cookies). Walk around until your child displays the expected misbehavior. Walk the cart over to the register and announce to the cashier that you'll have to leave the groceries and go home because your child is misbehaving. (Smile at the cashier and she'll probably smile back, happy to see at least one customer controlling her child!) Then go home. Your child will most likely comment on the loss of the goodies. Just say, "Oh well, some other time." Expect great, loud unhappiness, but long-term value!

If all else fails: After an unpleasant experience, plan an outing and leave your child at home with a babysitter. Explain that the tantrum he had the day before is the reason why he is staying home. Expect crying, screaming, and pleading, but be firm. Doing this once has an impact that lasts a long time.

View more Q&A by this Expert