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Expert Q&A

	By Keath Castelloe Low child and adolescent psychologist

What's the line between praising/encouraging and discipline when it comes to potty training? Isn't there a point where they should get a punishment? Or does punishment not have a role in the potty training process?

Potty training can be a frustrating process that may try our patience at times, however, punishment really isn't helpful or appropriate. Potty training truly is a learning process for children and going through this time leads them to increased independence and self control.

That being said, sometimes potty training is met by resistance from the child. A child may refuse to sit on the potty and as a result accidents occur. Some children withhold bowel movements setting up a vicious cycle leading to constipation, painful bowel movements and withholding again. Power struggles can easily occur when a parent is pushing and the child is refusing.

If you have gone through the potty training process with your child (talking with him about using the potty, letting him observe you using the potty, allowing him to sit on the potty with his pants on if he is feeling uncertain or using a small potty chair of his own, practicing sitting on potty with pants off, taking him to visit the potty on a regular potty schedule, reading potty books and watching potty videos, etc.) and he is still resistant, simply step back for a while.

Assess whether the resistance is related to control or anxiety. If it is anxiety related, try to address his fears about the potty. Take small steps to make him feel less fearful. Sometimes changes or stressors in the home environment can lead to resistance. If this occurs, allow your child to adjust to the changes. Once things feel more secure again, he will likely show more interest in the potty.

If the resistance is a control issue, talk with him in a matter of fact, but loving manner. Do not convey any feelings of disappointment or pressure. Simply let him know that using the potty is his responsibility. Once he begins to show an interest again, encourage him and provide him with guidance. Talk about what a "big boy" he is and praise his steps toward independence.

Patience is truly a virtue during the potty training process.

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