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Home › Expert Q&A › Child Development And Behavior › Babies And Toddlers › My son is 18 months old and gags himself when I put him in his crib at night. This occurs one to two times before he finally goes to sleep. What can I do?

Expert Q&A

 

By Elizabeth Pantley
Child Behavior Expert Better Beginnings, Inc.

My son is 18 months old and gags himself when I put him in his crib. This usually results in him vomiting and my having to change the crib and my son. I tell him, "No, it is time to go to sleep.'" This occurs one to two times before he finally goes to sleep. What can I do? My husband and I have taken away the pacifier when this began over one week ago. Should we give it back?

The issue that causes the most stress in parenting the first few years is sleep, or more accurately, the lack of sleep. I re-read your question three times and find something interesting. You tell me that your son gags himself and vomits when you put him to bed, but you don't say why. The only time I have heard of this happening is when parents use a 'cry it out' technique and it is the crying that causes the baby such distress. Because you left this part out of your question I am wondering if it is because you have feelings of guilt and wrongness over the situation. The advocates of 'cry it out' make it sound so easy: A few nights of crying and your baby will be sleeping all night, every night. If only it were so simple! Many parents must deal with weeks of crying for hours each night and some, like you, have babies who cry so violently that they vomit. Some parents find that the nighttime crying affects their babyų daytime personality ù making him clingy and fussy. Many find that any setback (teething, sickness, going on vacation) sends them back to the previous night waking problems, and they find they must 'cry it out' over and over again.

I am one of the 'experts' who believe it is unfair to leave a baby to cry himself to sleep. After all, your baby doesnŴ understand the meaning of nighttime independence just yet. He just wants the comfort of Mommy and Daddy, and lets you know that in the only way he knows how -- crying.

You do mention that you just took away his pacifier. I assume that you mention this because the crying coincides with this event. It sounds like your little guy had his nighttime ritual established around his pacifier. Removing it leaves him with no 'tool' to put himself to sleep. You have several choices. 0f course, you could continue to let him cry until he learns not to call for you, but as I said, I personally disagree with this harsh method. You could give him back his pacifier and deal with removing it when he gets a little older and has the ability to understand. Or you could set up a new bedtime ritual that involves a peaceful 30 minutes before bedtime, ending with him in his crib and you beside him patting or rubbing him until he settles into sleep. Over time, you can reduce your helpfulness until your final step takes just a minute of two.

Children of all ages love a peaceful bedtime ritual. It helps them fall asleep feeling loved and secure. You can watch for my new book on babies and sleep to be released later this year.

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