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Expert Q&A

	By Dana Chidekel, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist Author

My 2-year-old will not allow me to dress her. If I try to force her, she squirms and fusses, sometimes kicking so hard that she hurts herself. I donŴ want this to be a battle. What should I do?

Your 2-year-old needs clearer parameters and more structure. DonŴ think of this as a battle of wills. Think of this demonstrating to her the parameters in which she is free interact before you will intervene. You need to structure a world in which she is free to make decisions, though under the umbrella of parameters you define. For example, when dressing your daughter, give her a choice of two outfits. She has until the count of three to decide between them, and let her know that if she does not decide by the count of three, you will decide for her. Then, be good for your word. Then, she has until the count of three to start to dress herself. If you count to three and she has still not made a move in the direction of her clothes, dress her.

Hereų the key: You have to do it without anger. The issue here is not to make her bend to your will. The issue is to get her dressed. The only option refers to whether this is going to happen under her own steam, or under yours. Either way is a success. You might lay out parameters in advance to let her know that kicking is not allowed. Then, be decisive in enforcing that, saying ôNo!ö in a voice that means business if she kicks. With respect to the idea of convincing a 2-year-old according to some logical process that she needs to get dressed because of the consequences inherent in going into the snow naked, forget about it. She does not have the sophistication of thinking to be able to reason through such a process. Engage her in a discussion like while you are trying to get her dressed and you are going to be likely to confuse her. The focal issue here is dressing. Once she is dressed and you are on your walk, feel free to have a discussion about cold weather and gloves, but donŴ bring this up in an effort to make her go along with your ideas or youŲe both going to lose focus and prolong your frustration.

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