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April 14, 2003
~April, 12. 2003~
Some venting
My parents picked J.t. up from my house because (their excuse) my mom had gotten J.t. and nice outfit to wear for his Hockey Banquet that evening. After they left with J.t,. I started to think about the situation a little and got aggravated. At first I played if off that my parents just know I have my hands full here, so they were trying to help me out by taking J.t. and getting him ready. The more I thought about it though, and re-played my moms comments in my head I was forced to think that they REALLY think I am not capable to get J.t. bathed and dressed correctly??? I always get comments from people about how well put together my children look and how cute they are dressed, but my parents think differently.
Their (mostly my moms) little comments have been building up for a while now and I can just feel the tension rise. My parents never had a boy and always wanted one. When they found out J.t. was a boy they were so excited and started to plan many things for this grandson of theirs. Which was fine, and I was happy to see they wanted to play such active rolls as grandparents, but now I think it is a little out of control. When we are all together I swear you would think that he is their son and not ours. My dad is always telling me what to do with J.t. and my mom is always disciplining him the way she did with me when I was a child and I disagree with it. Nag-Nag-Nag…pick pick pick is her style (Jt stand up straight, Jt, tuck in your shirt, Jt, don’t scuff your shoes etc..) and it turned me into a very neurotic adult and I try very hard to pick my battles with J.t. so he does not have the same problem as an adult. Ugh anyway, this whole thing goes much deeper then I have went into in this entry, and I need to open this up more in future entries here and there.
*The Hockey Banquet*
After Joe and I dropped Autumn and Alec off at my friend Jen’s we drove to the Schaumburg Golf Country club to meet my parents and J.t. The hall was set up like a wedding reception and all the boys were slipping and sliding all over the dance floor already. I couldn’t help myself from smiling at the scene of about 30 little boys running all over the place. I seem to just enjoy chaos around me at all times. LOL. I was a little uncomfortable because this was J.T.’s first year with Hockey, so we really did not know anybody else at this Banquet. It was nice to have my parents there so we had somebody to talk to. The dinner was very good and there was so much food, it was almost overwhelming. I was a little disappointed that J.T.’s coach forgot his name as he was announcing all of the players. He also mentioned that one of the other boys on his team had his first year and did a great job. NO mention of the awesome improvement J.t made? :o( We also got his coach a Sports Authority Gift Certificate and he just took it from J.t and said “Thanks” and walked away. He never same up to us to say Thank you or even engage in small talk.*sigh* Anyway, J.t. had a great time and that is all that really matters. They had a Son and Mother dance that was very special to me. At first J.t. did not want to dance with me, but after he saw all his little friends were doing it he gave in. I picked him up and we danced the entire song. It felt so nice to have him lay his head on my shoulder and tell me he loves me. He is such a sweet boy. Joe and I left at about 10:00 to go pick up the kids from Jens and my parents brought him home. At about 11:30 J.t. came home and crashed out on the couch.
April 14, 2003
*More about J.t.*
I have been questioning my decision to medicate J.t for his add/hd this week. There is No doubt in my mind that he has add/hd I am just not sure I want him to continue on the medication this summer. The only reason I can think of to keep him on the medication this summer, is for entirely selfish reasons….for my own convenience. I know this sounds insane and that is why I think I may just ditch the Ritalin for the summer months and start him back on it a couple weeks before school starts. I must say that I am secretly praying for a miracle here, and hope that J.T. will gain some control over his behaviors and inability to concentrate this summer and not have to be medicated next school year. I plan to work with him really hard on understanding consequences for behaviors this summer and hope that will help a bit. Joe brought home a Cd for us to listen to, called “Parenting with Love and Logic”. A women he works with let him borrow it and swears by it. I have also decided that this summer is going to be spent getting to know my son again, and mending what I think is a neglected bond between the two of us. Jt is turning 7 on the 24th and I can’t believe all the years that have slipped by me, and how little I really know about what J.t. is thinking. Just every day life has gotten in the way of me actually sitting down and just talking with Jt about life. We have been SO focused on getting his add/hd under control and finding a good medication I feel I have become preoccupied. :O( Well, enough dwelling on that… I can only move on and make the change now.
I noticed that I have not written the things I love about Alec yet, and I promise I will. We are headed outside now and I want to get this entry up. The next entry will be dedicated to J.T. and then I promise… I will update more on Autumn and write the things I love about Alec .
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