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March 8, 2003
Mom
(Susan Holton)
I remember when I could read an entire
chapter, some days even an entire book
at one sitting without interruptions.
I remember when I could work for hours
at a time in my study;
the hours were dependent on me
not on nap.
I remember when I knew no one with children
and had no idea what 2T meant.
And I remember when no one called me mommy
and when no little arms wrapped themselves
around my neck, no little kisses or hugs were mine.
And I prefer today.
3/6/03.
*Preschool work with the kids*
I am very pleased with the schedule I have stuck to with the kids every morning. It feels as though I am doing a real preschool program with them and I can see all their minds turn as they learn new things each day. I pick a letter and color which we focus on all week long. The same color and letter are worked on in simple little worksheets and I even started a little game called the Color hunt. I decorated a bag and we go through the house and each child finds one item that is the color of the week and puts it in the bag. :O) They get a huge kick out of this and it helps to encourage their excitement for learning. I have even made little homework folders for the kids to put their schoolwork in and show to their parents, or in our case Autumn and Alec show it to daddy when he gets home. Kids just thrive on feeling important and older then they are. This is just another opportunity for them to feel that way. They are learning SO much this way and I am so glad that I decided to keep Autumn home and do preschool with her. I know that I will not be putting Alec into a preschool, and I will just continue to do what I am doing with him and the other children now.
*Babysitter problems*
The past couple of months getting a babysitter has proven to be a huge ordeal that is starting to get a tad bit aggravating. I guess we have been spoiled in the past as my mom and dad would watch the kids when we needed a sitter. Well, lately this arrangement has dissolved to almost non-existant. If I do ask my parents to watch the kids while Joe and I go to a movie and dinner I get this long speech about what they have to do the next day. Then I get “Well, what time do you think you will be back? “ if we do not get back at the estimated time I hear an ear full. Therefore, the entire time we are out I am worried about what time I need to pick the kids up and that just ruins the whole point of a relaxing evening. :o( *sigh*
There is also are friends Jen and Jon. I love them dearly, they are wonderful friends! Last summer we made an arrangement that we would baby-sit for each other when it was needed. I gladly watch their daughter Amber and my god-daughter Isabel. I don’t ever limit how much I watch them; I do it for my friend without complaint…most of the time. Now, I don’t know if I am just taking things to personally or I am just making things up in my head but it seems as if whenever I want to go out Jen and Jon already have plans. Now, I know that they REALLY do have plans, but it is just aggravating that I can’t go out when I want to go out. Like this weekend they don’t have any plans, but we don’t have the money to go out. Eeeck Last weekend, they were busy all weekend and yes, you guessed it we had the money to go out. I know it is not their fault but I can still get irritated right? LOL *You know I love ya Jenn. :o) *
3/8/03
*School System*
Plan and simple our school system SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS! I am absolutely LIVID, sick to my stomach and extremely disappointed at the information I have learned in the last couple of weeks. Joe and I live in the town I grew up in where the schools are wonderful and academic ratings are high. Unfortunately, our house is right on the boarder of the zoning boundaries and we are stuck in this awful school district. Here is the url if anyone is interested in how badly the people who run the school district have SCREWED up my children’s education! http://www.betterschoolsforbartlett.com/History.html
Basically, they have lost millions of dollars, and they are looking at about 36 kids per classroom with no aides next year. Then they are cutting out a lot of the special education programs they have and any teacher that has been teaching less then three years is going to be laid off and the other teachers will just have to pick up the extra slack.
We have always planned on moving closer to my parent’s house and that would officially put us in the wonderful school district I want my children in. However, that is about 2 years away so we are stuck for now. Although, there has been the idea put in my head of using my parents address and putting the kids into the brand new school right by their house. I just feel so guilty about doing that though… what do you think? I am really worried about the education of my children and will stop at nothing to get them the best education they deserve.
*Relationship with my Sister*
I have a sister, Tina whom I love very much. I am the oldest, she is three years younger then me. There is no denying that we are very different people inside and out and always have been. When we were young I was tall, very skinny with long dark hair always pulled back in braids or ponytails, I was a bit of a tomboy and daddies little girl. My sister was short, a little chunky, blonde hair in pigtails (very Cindy Brady) and every bit of a little girly girl and of course she was a momma’s girl. Can you tell there this is going? LOL As we grew up I loved my parents very much and we had a nice childhood. We went on great vacations, had a nice house in a very nice suburban neighborhood. My sister and I had your typical sibling resentments towards one another and I quickly learned that I was not going to win with Mommas girl ( who would stand behind my mom and spit her tongue out at me after tattling on me.). We grew up and had our moments of friendship in our sisterhood but there was always a strain that hindered over our relationship. It still does. As we grew older I was always more vocal about my feelings and that led to some conflicts with my parents and I was labeled as the “trouble maker” of the family. My sister stayed quiet and was the little white lamb of the family. Well, while I was in high school my father took a job that required him to stay in another state weeks at a time. It was just me ( a senior in high school), my sister and mom in the house. This quickly became a bad situation and I could see my mother and I loose our relationship and my sister and mother get much closer. For some reason this angered me but I just turned my back on it all and went about my business as if I was not bothered by it. Everything I did was repeated to my dad, told in my mom and sisters side, of course and I believe that Tina loved the attention she was getting from my mom and all the BAD was focused on me. I could almost still see her still standing behind my mom sticking her tongue out at me. LOL Anyway, I will admit I was not perfect but I was a FAR cry from the terrible teenager they had me pegged as. I ended up moving out of the house shortly after high school ( Loooong story) and had a very strained relationship with my family for 2-3 years. I think I spoke to my sister a handful of times. When Joe and I got engaged my parents suddenly came around more and wanted to be a part of my life again. Yes, I was happy and decided to let the past lye and welcomed the love and was happy to have my family again. Then I got pregnant and the family grew bigger and the bond with my parents grew stronger. I tried my hardest to repair my relationship with my sister. We would go a couple months where we talked a lot and then boom she would get a different boyfriend or get back into her party life and things would change. I made her Autumns God-mother and I will say she is a good Aunt to the kids and they love her very much. Well, now let’s zoom to the present. I still get this weird feeling in my gut when I am with my sister. She is ALWAYS competing with every word I say and is always trying to out do(?) me. I guess I should just grow up and get over it but there is something in my head that makes me go back and want to battle this. Why do I feel the need to win this? Even at the cost of never having a good relationship with my sister?? I would like to say right now, at this point….. STOP it and just be the best sister I can. But… I am not so sure I can commit to that just yet. Maybe, the idea of me thinking about it… is a tiny step in the right direction though? Who knows, I do not even know if this will make sense to those reading it. This is just one of those things that floats around in my mind and I felt the need to write about it. ~ Bless you if you read through this entire thing. Lol
*So Proud of Jt*
On Friday I had one of those moments that I wanted to just tuck away in my heart and keep there forever. I was so proud of Jt and as you read you will feel the same. Jt was not really feeling well and had a bit of a sore throat and cold. I had asked him if he wanted to go to school and of course he replied “Yes, of course mommy.” I was getting all his school things packed in his back-pack as he sat on the couch with his dad. Here is how the conversation went that sent my heart into my stomach
“Daddy?”
“Yes, buddy what?”
“Can you rent the Jango fet game for tonight so we can play play station together”
“I am really sorry bud, but we don’t have the money today”
Silence for a moment
I look at Jt and he is biting his lip and trying really hard not to cry
“That’s okay daddy…pause……We have other games”
A single tear streams down his face and quickly swipes it away
He was so worried about our feelings and did not want us to see him upset! Oh my gosh my heart just sank and I felt so terrible. I gave him a hug and told him that I would do my best to get that game for him to play. I told him how proud I was of him and how well he handled himself. The tears then started to flow as he said he was sorry. I told him there was no need to say sorry. He is such a good boy. As soon as he left for school I made a couple phone calls and borrowed the game from a friend of ours. As you can tell, that Jt and I am are doing much better and things are looking up.
Well that is all for this now~
~Tanya B~
There are two ways to live your life,
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though Everything is a miracle
~God Bless~
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