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Kim's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 9/20/00 -------------------- 9/13/00 9/6/00 8/17/00 8/16/00 8/8/00 8/2/00 7/18/00 7/13/00 6/28/00 6/20/00 6/6/00 5/23/00 5/17/00 5/10/00 5/3/00 4/25/00 4/19/00 4/10/00 3/28/00 3/22/00 3/15/00 3/8/00 3/1/00 2/23/00 2/16/00 2/10/00 2/2/00 1/24/00 1/13/00 1/5/00 12/29/99 12/15/99 12/7/99 12/1/99 -------------------- Kim's Introduction

May 3, 2000

The smell of spring is in the air! All those silly cliches about Spring are true...sound of birds chirping, the smell of spring flowers, the scent of freshly mowed grass...yadda, yadda, yadda. This is the best time of the year -- although I say that at the beginning of Summer, Fall and Winter too! Inevitably halfway through each season I'm ready to slit my wrists if I hear one more bird chirping outside my window at 6:00 a.m.; or get one more irritating mosquito bite; or hear one more Christmas carol; or see one more pruney, shriveling pumpkin on someone's porch! But for now I will enjoy all that this season has to offer!

Max started at a new daycare this week. His sitter's name is Dawn and she watches her daughter and three other toddlers in her home. Although I am really impressed and pleased with all the activities and crafts that she does, I'm still bummed that I'm not the one doing them with Max. I constantly struggle with wanting to stay at home with Max and wanting to remain a working woman. I would love to sing songs and color all day with Max, but we need women in the workforce too! We can't all toss away our Daily Planners and laptops and exchange them for strollers and sippy cups, can we? We need to keep our strong, growing presence in corporate America that the women of the 70s and 80s strove so hard to achieve, right? Yes dammit, we do need to have women out there working - proving that any woman can do the work of any man! (Is that God Bless America I hear playing in the background?)

So why do I feel so guilty that I am not the type of person who could be a stay-at-home mom? I love my son to death and would kill or die for him, but I need the social interaction and mental challenges that work provides. The problem is that while I'm being mentally challenged at work, I'm also missing my son terribly and longing to be with him. I pick him up from daycare everyday at 2:30, but some days that's not early enough -- but some days it is. What's the solution here?

I think part-time work/part-time home is the answer to my dilemma. Maybe after I have our second baby that is what I will do. Until then I'll continue to feel guilty about not being with him more and about not giving a lot of attention to my job (sigh).

Thanks for letting me vent.

Kim

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