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December 16, 2004
Wow, I’ve really been bad at not updating my journal here, with everything going on I find it tough and to tell you the truth, I’m kind of addicted to the blogs that folks from this site write. I spend the time I should be updating my journal, reading their blogs. Current favorites: Julia, My Charm Bracelet (Megan), Flaming Cheeto, Armchair Psychology (Kim), Indigo girl, Diamond and Rust. Julia is my current addiction she’s fabulous and a great wit. I am more of a lurker but do enjoy their blogs and fin myself checking them daily sometimes. It’s a habit I’ll kick later lol.
Brennen Update:
Where do I start, Brennen seems to be settling into daycare, this has been difficult, McKinley never cried or seemed at the least bit bothered by daycare (she started dc at 8months old) whereas my baby (3 years old) had the hardest transition. I think in a way, having John home with him for such a long time, made the transition even harder for him. In the beginning I wrote a love note (sticky note) with a simple phrase i.e.: love you baby boy, or I love and miss you kisses mommy etc. the teacher said they found this helped him a lot, he’d get sad or upset and then they’d say *read your note* Brennen and he would and feel better. Funny how something this small helped him get acclimatized to daycare. He has made some new pals, Tyrece, John-Michael, Zachary etc. and tells us stories on all of the fun stuff they did (the nursery school is fabulous, full of indoor and outdoor activities) he enjoys paint and artwork along with music class and outdoor play. Now that we finally have snow (and lots of it) I’ve really noticed he enjoys being outside more and more, as a baby he was really difficult outside, staying outside for 10 minutes and crying to come inside because he was cold, you can imagine, John and I were worried he’d move to Florida as soon as possible. This year he’s changed so much and loves to play outside in the snow no matter the temperature, but does cry as soon as he wants to come in and then complains about the cold.
I signed him up for music class (Kinder music) in September thinking this would be a good activity for him as McKinley had piano class at the same center through the same teacher, little did I know, how much he’d love his class. Brennen looks forward to class every week and is SO engaged and enthusiastic while at the class. I watch him through the window and he’s just so totally into it, its actually funny to watch him bop, sing and dance in such a way that it brings a smile to my face just thinking about it. The program ends in January and I’ve signed him up for the next session (this one is called City’s) and I know he’ll continue to enjoy it. Speaking of lessons, I’ve signed both kids up for ski lessons (they’ll happen right after music and piano classes) I really want them to learn how to ski and in Ottawa its just so close and a great activity for the family to do when they are older. I’d also like (maybe next year) to buy them cross country skis, which will also be a family activity. Now that Brennen is older and more willing to try activities I guess the sky is the limit. The two activities will take up most of our Saturdays (Music/Piano is at 11:00-11:45 with Ski lessons starting at 1:00, this gives us time to have a quick lunch (in the car probably) and get to the ski hill (Mount Packenham) dressed and ready for their lesson (whew..reading it seems like a lot to do in a few hours) but I really want them to enjoy and learn to ski.
Brennen is still sleeping horribly, its tough because he’s also still nursing.(how DO I get a 3.5 year old to stop nursing anyway…that is without crushing his feelings) he just doesn’t seem to need the kind of sleep most folks do. With napping at school (1 hour to 2 hours sometimes) by 4:30 when John picks him up he’s definitely on his second wind and raring and ready to go. In September he’ll start at McKinley’s school for junior kindergarten which I hope will help with his boundless energy. He’s a real mover who never seems to get tired.
Christmas preparations have started of course; we’ve been listening to Christmas music since late November and watching as a family our all time favorite Christmas movies like:
A Christmas Story, The Preachers Wife (original not Whitney Houston), Peanuts Christmas, Rudolph, Santa Claus is coming to town, The Homecoming, Scrooge, Chevy Chase’s Christmas movie etc. Every Weekend we watch one or two all of us cuddled up on the couch with tons of popcorn and with the tree lights on. Another favorite family tradition is going out and seeing the Christmas Lights in our neighborhood and throughout Ottawa, the kids wear their pajamas and John and I our comfy clothes, (track pants or yoga pants for me) and get hot chocolate and coffees and drive around for an hour or so looking at the lights.
My father is on the list for heart surgery (supposed to have happened in December but he was bumped) so he isn’t able to travel which is really hard for me as having him for Christmas is so important to John, the kids and I. We vacation with him and his wife in the summer (PEI) and seeing them in Christmas and having us all spend some quality holiday time together is great, knowing I won’t seem him this Christmas is tough. The fact that he’s been waiting two months for his surgery is another frustration, he’s a veteran, pays his taxes, worked hard his whole life and with 4 blockages he needs immediate attention but with our Canadian Health Care being what it is, he’s on a list and on a list and on a list. Sometimes I really want two tiered health care because although he couldn’t afford paying for the surgery we could and would if it was an option. GRRRR its my vent, I can’t understand how my fellow Canadians believe the liberals are the party to lead our Country, it just shames me how we think Paul Martin or heck Dalton McGuinty in Ontario is helping us at all as a Nation.
Speaking of family, I haven’t spoken with my mom since early June; I just find I can’t deal with her constant comparisons to my sister, her unhappiness with her choices in life and her ability to make choices my problem or fault. She stayed at our place in June and behaved so rudely and was just an absolute mess that it really unnerved me. She proceeded to accuse me of some horrible things (we don’t visit her, do nothing for her, she has nothing, I’m not close to my sister I should do something about it just spewing such hateful comments) I lost my temper after about 35 minutes of her ranting on to me, I told her I felt like she should be thankful for the relationship she has with us, I love her, but didn’t like what she was implying. I find that when she that way , I can’t forget what a crappy mother she was while we were growing up. I really thought that at my age I had just let go all resentment and accepted her for the person she was, but hearing her go on and on was just too much for me. After my telling her how I felt, she didn’t phone Brennen on his birthday and I just felt so rotten that she would use the kids to hurt me. The funny thing is, I worked so hard to build a relationship with her and felt we were doing great but the minute we started vacationing with my dad it was like she was so jealous about that she just couldn’t handle it. I haven’t spoken to her and have just stopped mentioning her and her husband to the kids, weirdly enough they talk about them but haven’t clued into the fact we don’t speak to them, thank goodness they are far away and visiting was a few times a year.
I don’t usually share my family’s foibles but heck, I sometimes think writing your feelings down so clearly really does help you understand your true feelings on things. I want a relationship with my mom, but not a dysfunctional one or one in which she treats me horribly and doesn’t feel the need to respect our family. I am trying to mother differently than she did but I do find that saying rings true *you do what you know* I find myself falling into those old traps and trying to do a better job and working through my resentments. Being healthy of mind and body is my main goal I want the kids to grow up knowing I love them and won’t drop out of their lives if I feel slighted (My mom doesn’t speak to one of my sisters, me, her brother, her sister and multitudes of family and friends) she does this regularly. I can’t be involved in it or that behaviour as it hurts us as a family and me as a person too much.
Back to Christmas, John and I have bought Brennen three different kinds of race car sets and some additions to his GeoTrax train set. We have struggled with purchasing him anything as its really hard to find him something he likes, he really just likes to play with McKinley, she plays school with him and they love it, nothing makes me feel happier then when they are playing school or baby in their bedroom and just giggling away. No toy can do that. Although, I’m sure with our families etc. Brennen will not be in any way disappointed with his loot. We’ll spend our Christmas with the family in town (John’s side) at our house (as is tradition) and we’ll have turkey, ham, potatoes, stuffing (homemade) carrots and parsnips, another veggie, salad, homemade Zola roles (great restaurant that makes these awesome rolls great with turkey or beef) dessert will be Christmas cake and pudding tons of cookies/bars (Empire cookies, butter tarts, sugar cookies, pizzelli’s, mince meat tarts, chocolate peppermint bark, homemade truffles and lots of chocolates). YUMMY. It’s really all about family and God for us at this time of the year. I hope we can continue to instill the religious parts of this holiday for the kids that’s really important to John and I.
Our lives have changed so much in 2004, with John going back to work the family dynamic has changed and I personally think its been really hard on us as a couple and family. We are so rushed to complete all those day to day activities which were done easily with one of us at home (grocery shopping, errands, cleanng, cooking, planning meals etc.). I also miss the time with John, we hardly have time together anymore with getting the lunches/dinners made, homework, activities and the typical day to day stuff that gets in the way of a couple. We are trying to make more of an effort but we are both tired and our romance usually ends up at the bottom of the list. We really should have a weekly date but that seems like work which sounds sad I know its horrible actually. I hope it gets better in the New Year. Having a family bed is tough at times like this we have no real *alone* time and I think its taking something from us as a couple. My plan is to spend some quality couple time with John in 2005.
I hope do hope 2005 is a great year, we have no real plans for New Years, really we just hang out, eat a great meal (seafood maybe?) and then the kids have their first ski lessons on New Years Day to prepare for. I love to do nothing New Years Eve and have never been much for a big party type person. In the past we’ve gone to parties, had murder mysteries etc. and I still enjoy the quiet movie laden evening with the family. This year as in years past we will do a movie day (maybe HP or TLOTR trilogy etc.) and just enjoy the quiet.
We’ve had the pictures of the kids done with Santa and they are cute, I’m hoping to get to a different mall for another Santa picture (I’m addicted) With their pictures from school and the photographer at Loblaws which we had done, I have an excess of pics for all our cards and gifts. I sent out the last of our cards this week and hope everyone gets them in time. Canada Post is notorious for back-ups this time of the year but I hope everyone gets them.I’d love to do a Christmas Letter but just don’t have the time and am a bit worried about folks thinking we are bragging. I like to read them but I just can’t get my butt in order to send them. Its more of a question of what to write, what happened last year that I can put in a letter, so much happened, but I find getting it down on paper difficult to say the least.
That’s all I have for this update…
If I don’t update in time... Merry Christmas to all!
Kellie and Brennen
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