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November 25, 2003
The terrible twos:
Brennen is going through a stage, not something I care to ever revisit honestly. He WHINES constantly and cries constantly. Whenever he doesn’t get his own way (i.e.: Blues Clues on the television, a certain colour of crayon, juice quick enough etc.) he just *loses it* crying hysterically and screaming bloody murder at the injustice of it all. I find this stressful, he’s at an age where reasoning doesn’t work, we don’t spank, he’s too young for time outs (sometimes I tell him “go to your room for a cool down” and he goes but its less than 25 seconds where he’s back and still whining and crying. It’s the feeling of complete frustration on BOTH our parts I find hard, I know my little guy is frustrated but I am too, there are rules about watching the SAME Blues Clues video for the 100th time that day. He is so sensitive and very slow to transition, of course I try and work with that I give him ample time to get *used to the idea* that we are going to change into his day clothes from his P.J’s but its never enough time, any quick change seems to send him into volcanic overdrive.
I find McKinley giving in to his wants and demands as she too wants peace and quiet. I keep repeating to myself “this is a stage, this is a stage”. Case in point, we went to one of my favorite stores to check out getting some grapevine reindeer for the rock garden outside of our house, Brennen spent the whole twenty minutes there whining and crying for only reasons he really knows, it seemed that he wanted to get down out of the buggy, then upon getting down, wanted back up and so on and so on… I thought both John and I were going to leave him under one of the well decorated trees for some peace. The worse was the looks from people some sympathetic (obviously from children free mothers) some quite ticked (childless people maybe) and some just smiling at this angelic monster inhabiting my cart. I guess I struggle with it as I have a terrible temper and I see these signs in Brennen, where McKinley is cool and very very easy going and really so much easier to deal with during a tantrum (honestly I think McKinley has had 2 major temper tantrums in her whole life). I love how different Brennen is, how engaged he is and how utterly funny he can be, but he really has a range of moods that can hit high and low in mere minutes.
The stress of the one pay cheque family, I wanted to post a short paragraph on how we are doing living on one cheque. As a couple John and I have always enjoyed the *good life* that comes from earning two very healthy salaries. We’ve always indulged in evenings out, new clothing, driving and parking on site, a great day care center and lots of goodies during holidays. The first year he was off we continued to live this way and used our savings as a buffer, in the last 6 months we figured that this was no way to live and we needed to get back to basics when it came to our income and spending. It’s been hard; I miss the evenings out, the clothes but mostly the feeling of not worrying about our budget. I finally understand the sacrifice of having a parent staying at home. We now watch our spending (what little there is) I bring my lunch to work, we don’t spend crazy amounts the *stuff* and just try and keep in line with our budget. How are we doing? Good, we’ll be debt free in 2.5 years, but boy does it seem far away... I sometimes wonder if this entire belt tightening is worth it, McKinley loved nursery school and never had issue with going when John and I were both working.
She loved her days there and talks fondly of them; she isn’t aggressive or has anxiety when we leave her with my in-laws. I don’t see a difference in either of my children (one who went to daycare and one who hasn’t) and wonder if John going back to work would alleviate some of the stress I feel at being the only income earner and struggling to say no to all those spending urges (reformed spender here). We did this *parental leave* experiment due to Brennen’s difficult period of stranger anxiety when he was a baby (after my one year mat leave) and I think not only has it tested us as parents, having one parent stay home has tested us as a couple, both of us have to be so understanding of the others day to day issues especially as my crisis are so different from Johns. I’m glad we made the decision for John to take paternity leave its taught me a lot about how important my family is and how much I really love my career. Sometimes I do feel envy, after a difficult day at work dealing with issue after issue, I almost envy John his day with the kids, but then I remember being at home is no walk in the park either and the grass is always greener.
I wanted to record a bit about my feelings with John at home and I guess I feel a bit selfish for missing our *old* days of living high off the hog. Not that it defined us a couple or made us happier it just seemed so worry free, with two incomes paying the bills is easy, with one there is that juggling and tightening of the belt that I honestly have come to realize I don’t enjoy.
We are close to being completed our kids Christmas Shopping but I have been looking to purchase the leapfrog fridge alphabets for Brennen, he loves to count and talk about A.B.C and I’m debating whether this toy will get any use or end up in the bottom of our toy box. Speaking of toys, McKinley had a play date with a young friend on Friday (I was off and volunteered at her class that day) after school I took the kids to the dollar store and purchased these swords the kids want (we are a no gun household) I was amazed at how excited Brennen was to have something he could wave around and chase Mckinley with. John was surprised I purchased him something like that, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, until of course he proceeded to hit all of us with the sword, swinging it around, yelling and being very very disagreeable. Was it the sword I wonder, did my introducing a somewhat violent toy make him that excited. John is still shaking his head at my purchase but not B’s reaction, he thinks like any boy, B loves the feeling of being the *bad guy* or chasing the bad guy and the sword as a weapon intensifies that.
That experience re-enforced my feelings on not having guns to play with and although the sword is still popular I’m trying to phase it out of his play.
This last Sunday our family brought up the Bible at the beginning of Mass (we are Catholic) I was so proud of both McKinley and Brennen they did so well and McKinley really loves Children’s Liturgy, she is learning a lot about our religion and although Brennen doesn’t go (he stays with us during Mass) he is getting more patient and not having such a hard time sitting somewhat still. I did laugh last Sunday he was saying to me in a growly growly voice “Mamma Nummeee Nummme” meaning I want something to eat and I could hear people around us giggle at his monster voice which got louder and louder as he asked. He really is a character.
Cheers,
Kellie
A few questions for my TTM board:
Do you feel the sacrifice for one parent to stay at home is worth it?
Have you or are you planning on purchasing the leap frog alphabet toy for your little one. Do you allow your children to play with toy guns? And why?
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