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November 6, 2002
Ever wonder how working moms do "it" how they always seem to filled with the feeling that if they don't do everything (and for me more) that SAHM's do for their kids or with their kids then they are "shortchanging" them... well I thought I'd tackle this tough and very emotional topic.. (I know call me crazy but certain comments and a lot of stress at work have got me on a rant so here goes)...
A day in the life of Kellie:
Wake up at 6:00am (I have Brennen in bed with me as he (at 17mths) is still nursing...and McKinley decided to squeeze in also in the middle of the night (John is down the basement as he finds it "tough" to sleep with the kids lol)
6:15 shower, quickly
6:30 start dressing, get breakfeast ready (corn pops, grapes and milk), get John up (who immediatly climbs in with the kids in our bed)
6:40 Dressed I start to rouse the family, start on Mckinley get her washed and dressed discuss the likes/dislikes of tights vs. glitter nylons from halloween..no McKinley you can't wear a pink punk rocker wig to school and the glitter tights are out too...
7:00 Now officially late... assist John with dressing "B" who is now screaming blue murder as he wants to run around naked. Feed McKinley some cereal and grapes and talk about her school day, frantically check through her back pack to ensure we haven't forgotten anything.. cupcake money -check, Pizza Money - check, Book order money-check, signed permission slip for loblaws visit-check...
7:20 Everyone is now dressed and ready we leave.. of course both kids don't want to wear their coats in the van we remove coats during drive to work I beg John to stop for a Tim Hortons coffe, while on the way I apply fast makeup job (wondering why I look so tired as I just woke up) and play eye spy with the kids and John..
7:30 Now really late for meeting I need to prepare for, we wait in line for our coffe..get coffe, two sips and I'm at work.. get out of van.. blow kisses and more kisses.. yell instructions to John about what to tell the teacher about my wondering about wet socks and walking throught the halls after taking off their boots...
7:40..Enter my work, badge in, a morning of meetings, conference calls, fire fighting continual phone calls and pages.. its now 11:15 time for my call.
11:15 I call home.. McKinley is home "how was school" "Who's special day was it" oh..yes I'll come in and help the teacher make ghosts.. yes I'm sorry I know today was the nature walk no, I couldn't come but I am coming tommorrow to volunteer..
11:30 buy a coffe and nibble on some carrot sticks and caramel rice cakes.
11:30-5:00 Day is consumed again by numerous conference calls, meetings, emails, people dropping by my office etc.
5:00-Kids and John pick me up. Diner is started thanks John.
5:00-7:30 we eat, play, have baths (I give the kids their bath nightly while john loads the dishwasher) watch some tv tonight its a Rapunzel movie, Check McKinley's bag, check the calendar sign appropriate forms, get a call from the cupcake lady, my turn to bake cupcakes for the school yard improvement fundraising, McKinley and I prepare (ie: bake) 48 cupkakes, she helps (ie: read makes a mess) I promise we will decorate the cooled cupcakes in the morning. Read 3 stories to McKinley and Brennen in bed.
7:30-9:00 Kids are asleep, I pack McKinley's bag, check the calendar sign appropriate forms, start decorating cupcakes, leave 6 for McKinley to do in the am. Chat quickly with John about decision regarding getting new gas furnace, quickly discuss financial implications vs. huge hydro bills this winter.. log into my computer draft 2 emails for work.
9:15 lay in bed and wonder if I've spent enough quality time with Mckinley.
Vow to do a better job the next day.
The next day in the am McKinley decorates the cupcakes, she and I arrive at her class, we bring in the cupcakes, I am their to volunteer in her class we are making foot ghosts spend the morning until 11am with 20 4 year olds..
John picks us up we talk about our great day on the way to my work where they drop me off and I grab a quick bite on my way to my office where until 6:00 I rush around trying to make up for the few hours I missed in the morning.
so.. why'd I go into such a big long "this is what my day is like" because today I had someone make a comment about how they had chosen to stay at home as they didn't want "other" people raising their kids. When I patiently explained my husband was a SAHD and I thought even when McKinley was in Daycare that we were still "raising" our children and I felt her comment was unfair and do you know what she said..
Well "you working moms are all alike" you want the "extra's" the big houses, trips, big cars yadda yadda.... hmm we have a lovely small home in the city, one van and the biggest trip we've gone on is camping this summer. Yes I make an excellent income which enables John to stay at home for now, which we love, we didn't make the choice for him to stay at home because we thought our kids were suffering but because honestly John wanted a break from a job he'd been doing for 20 years... The bonus is he gets to be at home with the kids and he loves it.
I guess this rant is part of a bigger question.. why do women feel one choice has to be better than the other?, what kind of women are we to make the one person who knows how tough being a mom is bad for their choice? why aren't men "bad fathers" for working? why is it okay for SAHM's spouses to work 60-80 hours a week to enable their spouse to stay at home.. don't the children who do not have a father figure around, because they are working to enable one parent to be at home full time suffer?
I know I sound angry, maybe because I am, I have a great career, awesome husband, adorable kids and I don't think, no I know, they aren't suffering because I work.
A piece of advice to women who feel other women need to make the same choice as them..
Never judge until you've walked in my shoes..and when you have walked in my shoes I bet you'll be tired but content and happy with the choices you've made...
Cheers, (stepping down from my soapbox now)
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