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May 26, 2005
I absolutely cannot believe how long it has been since I've posted here. It is just crazy! This is the first time I've checked the site in ages. I do apologize!
Things here...
We are doing great here. If you didn't know, I was hit with post-partum depression the beginning of February. It was awful. The absolute worst time of my life. I've never ever ever been so sad and empty. And stressed and guilty. It was just awful. I had this 2 month old little girl and a 2 year old little boy who needed me and I didn't want to be near them. I thought it would be best if I fell asleep and never woke up. That by me being gone they would have a better life. Yes, it is crazy to think or feel like that. I've never felt like that in my life, but my hormones were apparently out of control. LOL I was put on an anti-depressant and have now been on it for 17 weeks. I saw a therapist and Jim was absolutely wonderful thru it all. My mom took a leave from her job in Montana to stay with me until I started feeling better. Having her here was a blessing. I will be on the medication until next year and then I'll slowly wean myself off of it. I do know that I am not ready to make that move now. I am doing 100% better then I was before. But I still have my moments when I think I'm going to breakdown. The stresses of life. Kids, housework...and then I stop myself and just say that it will be OK and that no one who died ever put on their headstone "I wish I had cleaned more". LOL I stop and play with Ian or just sit down and watch TV. The dishes will wait and laundry can pile up. I just have to be OK with that. So, that is my story.
Miss Lucy is almost 6 months old!! I can't believe it! She is an absolute doll. I mean she is a freaking wonderful human being!! She is SUCH a good girl who rarely gets upset and is full of smiles for anyone who will look at her. She is totally smitten with her Daddy and it just melts your heart. No one can make her laugh like he does. She thinks her big brother is pretty funny and her eyes follow him all over the place. It is precious. She is rolling over like crazy and just started sitting up last week. She is a bit unstable but she is getting the hang of it. She is on solids now and loves her veggies! Well, she loves it all. LOL She has been sleeping thru the night for a while now but isn't a very good napper. (Like her mommy) I guess I can handle her being awake during the day as long as she is out during the night. :) Gosh, what else? Did I mention how freaking wonderful she is? LOL
Ian is 2 1/2 and is a holy terror! He talks and talks and talks and talks!! He is too funny. He will say God Bless You Mommy after I've sneezed, or he will grab his tushy and say Ian farted! He is his father's son! HAHA!! We've moved him into a big bed. He was in his crib until February and then we switched him over to a toddler bed that I got from a friend. It was then recalled so we decided to give him our queen size bed and we got ourselves a new Sealy! NICE!!! LOL We've been doing the whole potty-teaching thing for a while but he isn't 100% into it yet. He is interested some days but most days he'd rather just be in his diaper. He is a strong willed child so I know when he is ready he will just tell me one day. We've had to discipline him a lot the last 7 or 8 months. He just doesn't listen and gets into everything. Time outs are a joke and he spanks himself and would say NO NO IAN. Guess that one won't work anymore. LOL But as he ages he is understanding more that when mommy or daddy says no, we mean no. I know it will pass and there will be days that I can leave him to fold laundry and he won't be into EVERYTHING! But then again...he is a boy. :)
Jim and I are great. We will be celebrating out 7th wedding anniversary on June 5th. I can't believe it's been 7 years! It seems like yesterday that we were planning the wedding and doing it all long distance. We've had some rough times before children and after children. But I can tell you that I love him more now then ever. He has been my rock thru my depression and there is no way I can ever repay him for all he did for me. Even if it was to bring me water or just to hold me while I sobbed. I now know how strong our bond is because of that time. He is my heart, my friend, my soul mate, my forever.
Well, I've written a novel here. I'm going to try and get a link up for photos really soon. We just got back from visiting my family in Montana so as soon as I get those photos organized I will post the link. Hope you are all well and that you will be having a safe, warm and wonderful summer!
Kathee, Ian & Miss Lucy
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