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January 1, 2001
Every night before I go to bed, either Joe or myself will go check on Autumn..to make sure she is okay, whether her room is too cold/hot, and just to watch her sleeping. When I look at her while she is sound asleep, looking so peaceful..I always wonder "Am I raising her right?", "Is she honestly happy"?
I mean, I KNOW she loves me and all, but I just have to wonder if there is something I could do different. I (and Joe as well), want her to have a "happier", better childhood than we did. I want her to know that we will do everything we can to make her life seem easier. (without giving her everything she wants). Growing up for us wasn't easy..if you didn't have the right clothes/shoes you were picked on or made fun of, if you were over weight..you were picked on, if your parents didn't drive a nice car or if you didn't have a nice house..you were picked on, if you were smart..you were picked on. I could go on and on.
I have seen and been around some of "todays" pre-teens/teens. I see how kids are now, compared to what they were when I was in school. I can only imagine what they will be like when Autumn goes to school.
During the course of the day, I try to do different activities with Autumn. She seems to laugh and play when we do things together...so I THINK she is happy. I know I can't change what the future my hold, but I am in control now. (No, I am far from a control freak). I (just like any other parent), want the best for my child.
I don't understand why kids think that if other kids don't have the best of the best, then they should be treated like an outcast. My grandmother used to tell me "it's because that is the only way their parents show them they care..they buy them things to keep them happy. Children who DON'T have the best, at least usually have the loving/caring parents. Also, the kids you have everything generally aren't happy, so they make fun of others to make them feel better". I believe my grandmother is right.
I never had the best clothes/shoes. My parents didn't drive a nice car. Our house was nice, but not the best. There where times we had to stay with my grandparents. DId I get laughed at? Yes! But, I was happy. Joe didn't have the best of everything. He and his brother were overweight in their younger years. Did he/they get made fun of? Yes! But he was happy. If only those people could see us now. I know for a fact 2 of the people who made fun of me never graduated and now work in a run-down garage. One of the people who made fun of Joe, works as a gas attendent at a gas station.
It amazes me that 9/10 people who get made fun of in school become a very successful person. However, I DON'T want my children to go through nothing that Joe and I went through. When I said I want Autumn to have a "happier" childhood than we did, I meant "happier" as in not having to worry if the clothes she wears to school that day will cause kids to laugh at her. "Happier", in that she won't have to worry if someone won't be her friend if she has a pair of Wal-mart/payless shoes.
I am sorry, this entry took a whole different turn than I expected it too, but these are the things that I worry about for my child.(and future children). To too all those who was made fun of or picked on... you should take a look at where you are at in life and then see where you "childhood bullies" are.
Take Care!
Jessie & Autumn
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