Jessica's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 1/3/05 -------------------- 1/2/05 10/11/04 9/20/04 9/15/04 8/27/04 8/9/04 7/27/04 7/19/04 7/5/04 7/2/04 5/27/04 5/19/04 5/10/04 4/26/04 4/20/04 4/8/04 2/29/04 2/11/04 2/2/04 1/24/04 1/13/04 12/12/03 12/9/03 11/26/03 11/19/03 10/27/03 10/19/03 10/4/03 9/22/03 9/7/03 8/29/03 1/1/01 -------------------- Jessica's Introduction

November 26, 2003

Hi, it's me again. THings are okay with me. I've relaxed a bit about the hospital bill. I haven't received it yet, but it will be big. The hospital says they feel some responsibility for leading me to believe they were contracted with my insurance and will not make me pay the full amount. I will believe it when I see it it.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. We were having a lovely morning when Maddie slipped on the floor and fell into a bench that had pointed edges. She literally lost a chunk of her lip. Blood was everywhere. Really, really she lost a whole section of her lip. We had our pajamas on, hadn't brushed my teeth yet sort of deal. So, I had to take her to the e.r. as is. My gas light had been on, the car seats weren't in the car. I had to fumble to get it in. She's screaming and bleeding. I just kept praying that I would make it to the hospital. I usually remain very calm and handle myself well in these situations, but it was the most awful thing. Ray stayed home with Emma. So we made it, they saw her right away. A plastic surgeon was called in (can't wait for this bill, but atleast it was an approved hospital). I think she got about 15 stitches. That was awful. I could hear her screaming from three rooms away. I cried and cried. Before she was stitched, looking at her made me sick to my stomach. This missing part of her lip with dried and wet blood everywhere was a lot to see. THe smell was foul as you can imagine. I let her bring Pooh (her security object) and that was all bloody. Sorry to be gross, but can you tell I was deeply traumatized?

Anyway, so we made it through. She really is a trooper. She never complained afterwards. We went on with Thanksgiving as planned, to Ray's uncle's house in Yardley. I promised Maddie after all of that she could go see her beloved Grandmom. Ray's family is so wonderful. Needless to say, I had a few drinks there as I felt like I desperately needed to relax. I stopped when I thought one more drink would surely make me drunk. I try to be responsible. I haven't been drunk in ages but when I have been I've embarassed myself a few times.

So, it took me a long time to fall asleep last night. In my mind I kept reliving the whole thing. Her screaming while they stitched her up. But she and I will be okay. THe doctor said eventually you won't be able to see the scar easily. Her lip is fat as hell but she is eating and drinking. She doesn't complain. Poor girl.

What else? Emma will be one in 6 days! I can't believe it. So her party is Saturday. I'm not ready. Not much is new with her. She waves hello and goodbye. She started cruising around furniture. She can stand for about 10 seconds. But, she does everything in her own time. She says Mama. She is now a horrible eater. She won't let me feed her anything but yogurt, baby fruit and cereal. She won't feed herself well either eith finger food unless it's cheerios or crackers. I hope she doesn't lose weight. I've been supplementing her with a few cups of formula a day. I nurse her once a day, but will stop after her birthday.

Oh, I almost forgot. I started the Atkins diet today. I have to say, it's not so great but I'm going to try it for atleast two weeks. It's hard for me to feel full. But I've had less than 20 carbs today. The atkins snacks really help. I'm hoping to lose about 15 lbs and then resume my normal routine of healthy food and exercise. Any advice? What happens if you don't follow if for one day but start back up the next. I would like to eat regular food at the party. But I'm thinking that if I lose a few lbs by then I might be motivated to stick to it. No promises for Christmas day though.

Well, thanks for reading. Thanks for posting to me, I really appreciated it.

Take care,

Jess