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September 15, 2004
Ok, so maybe I will regret this later, but I think it would make me feel better now.
Ordinarily, I have a fabulous husband. I mean really great. He is a good husband. A good father. He loves me, loves me, loves me. To him, the world revolves around myself and our two children. He cooks, he cleans, he's supportive about anything and everything that is important to me, to us, to our family. He's incredibly smart. He's sweet, funny, loveable. He's respectful of me. Never says anything he shouldn't.
Do you sense a but coming?
Tonight, he was a complete jerk. Out of nowhere he suggested that "I get off my fat butt" and smell Emma's diaper. She was practically climbing on him. He thought since his nose is stuffed up that I could do the honors.
Now, that is a terrible, mean thing to say. I am not fat. However I am very insecure about my body. He knows this. It totally pissed me off. So much so that I left my house. I wanted to say some really mean things myself, but I believe that you should really think hard before you say something that you can't take back. So, I left to cool off and prevent myself from saying any such things.
So, I was gone for about an hour. I went and sat in my car and tried to study in a parking lot. I have a big test tomorrow.
I came back. Do you know, this is what he had to say. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It was mean, I regret saying it. I don't think you are fat. It is just an expression." He said it with the sincerity of a child who is forced by their mother to apoligize. You know, he didn't think he didn't anything too bad, "because he didn't mean it" and after all, he did say he was sorry.
I said, I'm sorry that is not good enough. He said, "It will have to be".
Men can be sooooo stupid. He's the kind of guy that if you get in an argument and walk away, when you get back he will act as if nothing happened, and be sort of clueless as to why you could be mad at him.
So, that was me venting. I need to study. I have a microbiology test tomorrow that I am not ready for.
I think I am going to be mad at him for awhile. He needs to be really sorry. Thank you for letting me vent. I'm sure this will be a distant memory one day and he will be my darling husband again. You know, that whole, for better or for worse thing.
I didn't update on Emma and our huge CHOP appointment on Monday. But I will.
Take care,
Jess
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