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May 27, 2004
Hi, what a week this has been for me. You may remember that I started A+P on the 18th. I am so in over my head with studying for this class!!!! It's 3 hours a night, 4 nights a week. Our professor is a brilliant man and an excellent teacher. It's just trying to cram a million bits of information into 6 weeks. So far I'm sort of good on the first 2 chapters but clinging to life on chapter 3. I scored a measly 36 (out of 100) on the self-test. Luckily I have 3 full days to devote to studying and I have this classmate who is studying with me. She came to my house today and basically kept drilling me for 3 hours. She was laid off from her job and has no other commitments (husband, kids, etc)than this class. She and I work well together and I am learning a lot from her. It helps that I am forced to answer her, rather than sit silently in class and assume I might know what he's talking about.
Onto more serious issues. Emma is doing horribly. Last weekend she was on an eating and drinking strike. To give you an idea of what's been going on, here are some of her recent weights:
12 months- 17lbs 6oz
15 months- 17lbs 13oz
3 weeks later- 19lbs 2oz (addition of pediasure to diet, possibly an error)
16 1/2 months- 20 lbs
17 months- 20 lbs
18 months- 19 lbs 4 oz
So, basically I was freaking out on Monday after she pretty much consumed nothing over the weekend and took her to the doctors to get weighed. SHe lost 1/2 a lb in less than a week. The feeding center from CHOP (children's hospital of Philadelphia) had called that morning to say they would see her in the middle of September. Her pediatrition and I agreed that we needed intervention sooner.
Ray and I took Emma to the diagnostic center at CHOP's main hospital two days later. When we started talking to the doctor, I told him that I thought EMma's problem was behavioral. He disagreed and thought that EMma has GERD, or reflux disease. You would not believe how surprised I was. I told this man a little history of her and within 5 minutes he said she probably has reflux disease. My 18 month-old daughter, who's had weight/feeding issues her whole life, has been to the doctor countless times for weight checks and it NEVER occured to them that she might have a medical condition!!!!!
He said that she tested positive for anemia at her 12 month visit just by looking at her lab results (news to me!). Now she may not have this and it still might be behavioral. But still, he feels that she has learned to associate eating with pain.
She is going to have an upper GI on Thursday. This is going to be such a long week. Everytime she refuses to eat, I wonder why. Is she in pain? Or is she just being difficult? When she is cranky is it because she is hurting? Sometimes she will eat with no problem, other times you can forget it.
I'm just so annoyed to think that she maybe she's had this for 18 months and has had to suffer. And I'm angry that they didn't take her weight issues more seriously. Regardless of what the reason, medical or behavioral this doctor has committed to getting her to gain weight. There are many different avenues to go, from feeding specialists and clinics to the extreme case of a feeding tube. I doubt we will need that but still, I feel reassured that they will not allow to let this go on as is.
In the meantime, I am barely holding it all together. School is so hard. Worrying about Emma is getting to me. I'm trying to keep a low key attitude with all of this. Sometimes I just want to quit and withdraw from A+P and not deal with both issues at the same time, but I keep telling myself that you can't just quit when things get a little bit hard. I can do all of this. I will be disappointed with myself if I just give up. I'll have to take the class again anyway. I feel like I am not being the best mom to Maddie because I have to leave her to take Emma to all of these doctor visits. I feel like I'm not spending as much time with her as I would like to. I feel like maybe she thinks I don't pay attention to her because I'm preoccupied with school and EMma.
Basically I just need to get through this week and wait for the results of her bloodwork and the Upper GI. If it's behavioral, then I can deal with it. There are experts who can help us get through this. If it's medical, then there is medication that can help her. I hope it's not celiac disease, because then we have to put her on a special diet. But, atleast we'll know.
SO, it's late. I better go. Thank you for listening. Sorry, this is so long. I will keep you posted.
Jess
Jess
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