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Jennifer's Diary Entries

Diary Navigation:

September 18, 2002

September 18th, 2002
Collin is 14 months old.


**A Letter To My Son On His Grandmother’s Birthday**

Today would have been your grandmother’s 49th birthday! Your grandma Tanya’s birthday was always such a nice day for her. When she worked (she was an optician), she would always get lots of goodies from her coworkers and the doctor’s she spoke with on the phone. It sure made her day that so many people thought so highly of her. She would come home with arms full of cards, gifts and treats and most everyone in our family would call her and/or send her cards and flowers. She was so loved and cared for. On her special day we would go over and have dinner and give her her birthday card and gifts. It was usually something that had to do with “I Love Lucy” since she collected “I Love Lucy” EVERYTHING. God Bless that goofy redhead! That woman could always make your grandma smile. September in Nebraska is a wonderful month. It’s mild and warm with a hint of fall in the air. Your grandma loved fall. Did you know her favorite color was blue?

Your grandmother was such a loving person. She would go out of her way to do something for a friend and she wouldn’t hesitate to give someone she loved the last dollar from her purse, if they needed it. I remember the time she went and bought groceries for your great Aunt Chris when she was down on her luck and all the times she would whip up a mixture of rice, bread, milk and dog food for any stray animal that would happen upon our porch. She sure loved animals and always had a soft spot in her heart for them. I’m sure that’s where I got my passion for the protection of all creatures, big and small. I hope to pass that onto you because I believe it’s one of the greatest gifts you can hold onto. Many times she went without something so that I didn’t have to. Her heart was as big as they come. She also loved to travel and visit new places. Some of her favorite memories are of the times she went out to Oregon to see Uncle Tim, Aunt Peg and Cousin Sam. Her and Uncle Tim were very close. They had a special bond that I’ve never seen anyone else have before. I miss hearing her call Uncle Tim her “little brother.”

Your grandma was also the best cook I’ve ever known and it was one of her true passions! She could go into the kitchen and make the best meal out of virtually nothing! Some left over meat, a few carrots, potatoes, and onions, some gravy and a little left over bread and she had a warm and tasty dinner made. She was one of those cooks that knew how to cook and prepare something 1,001 different ways. She always said that if you have a can of tomato sauce in the cupboard, you could always make something good and tasty. To this day, Aunt Chris **always** keeps a can of tomato sauce up in her cupboards! The holidays were the days your grandmother loved most! It was her chance to spend an entire morning and afternoon in the kitchen cutting, chopping, dicing, whipping, juicing, stuffing, pureeing, and baking. Everything on the holidays was made from scratch – the potatoes, the stuffing, the cranberry sauce, and the pies! Yum! We’d eat like kings for the next several days just on those leftovers. She was even featured on a local cooking show. A local chef, and a personal friend of your grandmother’s, who had his own show, asked her to come on and make a few of her specialties. She was in Heaven!!! Her dream come true!!! Your daddy had taken her that morning to the TV station and she almost chicken out. She kept telling daddy to turn the car back around and take her home. Daddy just laughed at her and told her she would be awesome…and she was! She got right on and just went to town with those recipes. She made some of our delicious family Syrian dishes. We have a tape labeled, “Cooking With Tanya” that you can watch when you get a little older. The way she is in that tape is the way you would have known her. I still haven’t been able to bring myself to watch it but when the time comes, I’m sure that you and I will spend many days watching it together. I just know that she would have had you in her kitchen the minute you would have learned to stand. You would have been her little sous chef, her little cooking assistant. She would have set you up on the counter and given you your own mixing bowl and spoon. She would have let you dabble in her recipes, pour the sugar and toss flour all over the floor. You and her would have baked Halloween cupcakes together and made yummy Christmas cookies for Santa. You probably would have had matching apron’s too. “Chef Grandma and her little Sous Chef Collin.” What a pair you would have made! I bet she would have even been the taste tester for all your recipe concoctions and she would have smiled and said yummy after every bite…even if it tasted horrible! I’ll do my best to pass down to you some of her favorite recipes. We’ll have fun trying to make them together.

Grandma Tanya was a sweet woman, but watch out when she got a fire lit under her!!! Whoa! We had a nickname for her: “Consumer Mom!” She’d call me and say, “guess what? Consumer Mom strikes again!” If the checkout person at the supermarket was rude and smashed her bread, she’d call the manager, voice her complaint and end up with a dozen loaves of bread. If the kid in the Burger King drive thu gave her the wrong order, she’d end up with a several coupons for free food. If the flight attendant acted too snotty during a flight, grandma would end up with a couple coupons for a discounted flight. If the mixer broke after the warranty, she’d end up with a brand new mixer! There wasn’t anything this woman couldn’t get by making a phone call to the manager!!! She certainly wasn’t the type of lady to sit back and take guff from anyone! She was strong willed and a fighter. I guess you could say she was also stubborn! As much as she hated it, she was just like her dad, your great grandpa Alex. Boy those two would go round and round with the nails and fangs out! I have many stories to share with you when you’re older and can understand.

Your grandma Tanya was a spectacular woman and I miss her dearly. I always thought I’d have her around so when she got sick and passed away, apart of me left too. Thank goodness I had you to help me through it all. You have no idea how many nights I cried while rocking you because I felt so sad that you would never really know the wonderful grandmother you had. Many nights, with a tear-streaked face, I’d look down at your tiny body all nestled in my arms while you’d look up at me with those beautiful eyes. My heart would swell with love and my lips would turn into a smile. How could I possibly be sad looking down at the precious gift that God had given to us? You always brought a smile to my face and a smile to my heart. Thank you!

I want you to know that even though you will never know your Grandmother physically, I will do my best to teach you about her. Daddy and I will share with you many stories and photos and we’ll laugh until our sides hurt. She loved to laugh and have a good time. She was someone who loved to have fun! She wasn’t afraid to cry and she was never afraid to tell me how much she loved me and how proud she was of me.

I also want you to know how proud she was to have you as her grandson. She was the very first person we called when we found out we were going to be expecting you and she screamed with glee, so loud, I think everyone around the neighborhood heard her! She was at the hospital right after you were born and she was proud of her new title of “Grandma.” She cried when they whisked you away to the NICU but was thrilled when we learned you would be okay. She was at the house the day we brought you home and she couldn’t wait to get you in her arms. Before she was admitted to the hospital she was at the house all the time wanting to hold you and snuggle you. She told anyone she came across that she had a new grandson. People who I had never met before would come up to us wanting to know if you were the grandson that Tanya was always bragging about! Even when she was sick her face always lit up when we told her you were with us. I distinctly remember one of the days we went to visit her in the hospital. She could hardly talk but when I said, “Look Mom, Collin’s here to see you” her eyes lit up and she said, “Oh Yay!!!” She was always so happy when we’d laid you in her arms. She loved you so much and kept your newborn photo up next to her hospital bed. Even on the last day that I spoke to her before she passed away, she asked about you and wanted to make sure you had everything you needed. I know that without a doubt she is watching over you and smiling and planting angel kisses on your sweet nose.

Later on today, we will go out to the cemetery and lay her favorite, yellow roses, on her gravestone. I will try not to be sad because on this day, September 18th, 1953 a beautiful shining star came into the world. Her life was short but she received so many wonderful gifts throughout her journey. Her birth shall be a day for celebration and a day to remember what a special person she was.

Mommy loves you Collin. Always know how blessed you are and always remember how much you were loved and treasured by your grandma Tanya.

Love, Mommy



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