 | Diary Navigation:
|
August 8, 2004
(Writing all this on 8-17-04.) Ok, seriously, I have to get an entry up about what's been going on in the past weeks. We have had a HECTIC few weeks at our house. I'm going to post each weekend's activities individually. I'm going to start with the hardest one.
August 6th - 8th weekend:
Lou's Uncle David died on August 4th. He was a wonderful, sweet, funny man who was a hard worker and loved his family to pieces. He died after battling his second round of cancer for 5 months. He left behind 3 daughters: ages 16, 22, and 29, and his wife and his parents. We are all really sad about it, especially Lou's grandparents, Nannie and Pa. David is the second adult child they've lost -- Lou's mom died in 1986. At the funeral I wasn't sure who to feel worse for: David's parents, losing a son; his wife, losing a husband; or his daughters, losing their dad. Lou losing an uncle and Roger losing his brother are of course heart-breaking, too. The whole thing just sucks.
And actually I didn't even get to sit through the funeral service because of Jake, so I feel like I have no closure on the whole matter. I know I only knew him for 3 years, but he was really fun and always so nice to me and I geniunely loved him as an uncle.
We took the day off work Friday and drove 3 hours to east TN. My mom was going to the lake with my dad for the weekend, so we took Jake with us. In retrospect I guess we should have left Jake with someone, but I absolutely HATE leaving him for weekends when I am away from him 9 hours of every workday anyway. I don't like viewing him as an annoyance or an inconvience. He's our son. That's why we're not going to David's step-daughter's wedding next weekend, because we couldn't bring Jake and I'd rather just not go at all. Lou and I spent the weekend of July 17th visiting with David in the hospital and left Jake with my mom, and that was hard enough.
Anyway, the 3 hour drive there and back is actually quite pleasant, because it's beautiful, and Jake either sleeps or watches Bear or Elmo on our mini-DVD player (best $200 I ever spent, although really mom and Pa chipped in and it cost ME about $80.) We arrived, checked into our hotel room, changed clothes, and went on to the visitation. We stayed from 5 to 7:30. Jake is a very spirited, energetic child (remember, he's almost two), so I had a hell of a time keeping him out of trouble. He loved all the flowers and wanted to touch them. He wanted to run around between the legs of people and explore. He wanted to run in general and be silly. Not appropriate behavior for a funeral home, although I think he did provide some distraction and comic relief for people to smile through the tears. I kept a pretty tight hold on him, though, and didn't let him get in the way and be obnoxious. It took a LOT of energy on my part just to keep track of him. We went outside for walks several times, and to sit in a grassy area behind the funeral home (I now have mosquito/bug bites covering my legs, thanks Jake.) I felt bad for not "being there" for people like Lou and Nannie, but I felt like they needed the family time anyway and I didn't want to be in the way.
The next day (Saturday), we went to David's house for lunch with the family. Now Jake loves dogs, and whenever he sees a dog he makes this sound like he's barking . . . only it's kind of a humming sound. Like when you go "huh" after hearing something surprizing, only it's more emphatic, and repeated over and over. So we walk into the house, and there are two dogs at the top of the stairs. Jake of course is thrilled beyond measure. He starts his "hey there's a dog" sound, over and over, and the older dog thought he was pretty funny, but the smaller yippy dog was scared and threatened by this, and started barking back. Jake LOVED that. It was hilarious. They had to take the dog in the other room because it was so upset. What a silly little boy I have.
Then he took his cousin Jessica's Elmo toys (she's like 22) and ran them all over the house. We had lasaugna for lunch, which was a mistake because we were sitting at a table with a white table cloth, on white cloth-covered chairs. Yeah, ok. We made a mess and I felt really bad, but I tried to reduce the damage by surrounding Jake with paper towels before we started. Under his plate. Under his butt. Aunt Lisa honestly didn't care about the mess, but I felt bad.
Jessica seemed pretty upbeat and was trying to be positive despite the sadness (even commented that she was at least excited to get to ride in the limo to the gravesite because she'd never ridden in a limo before), but Terri Beth didn't even try. I could tell she was really taking it hard. I can't imagine being 16 and losing a parent. She didn't say much to me or interact much with Jake, just kind of watched from the sidelines. I hope as the weeks and months go by she can find some peace.
We got to the church very early (I hate getting places early with Jake, that's just more time I have to fight with him to behave). He ran around, exploring, and then found some stairs. He was just having a blast going up and down, up and down. And of course I had to walk up and down with him, because I'm not chancing him taking a spill. So there I was in my suit, walking up and down the stairs, sweating like a pig and thinking "crap this jacket is dry-clean only." (I think the oddest things sometimes.)
Finally people started arriving and it was still quite a while before the actual service started, so I took Jake in the sanctuary to say hello to the family, but he was just hyper. He wanted to climb on the pews (I have a "no standing or climbing on church pews" rule), he wanted to touch all the flowers, wanted to crawl UNDER the pews . . . all normal behavior for a two-year old, I know, but not ok for the situation. So he and I went down the hall into a small prayer room and I sat against the door so he couldn't get out, try as he may. I finally got him used to the idea that we were staying there for a while and he needed to chill out. Someone had left an umbrella in there, so I let him play with it, and he had a good old time. We sat in there for like 40 minutes.
10 minutes before things got started, I came back out with him, said hello to everyone, and realized getting Jake to sit still was hopeless, so Lou and I agreed to meet at the front of the church right after the service. Jake and I ended up sitting in a room downstairs because he just wouldn't be quiet and I wasn't going to let him ruin the funeral for everyone else.
I was really sad, though, that I missed the service. Apparently David had everything planned out, the preacher was a good friend of his and said some very touching things. I did get to hear an acapella quartet practicing "I'll Fly Away" before the service, so I at least got to hear that, and I heard (faintly) them singing that and "Victory in Jesus" during the service from where we were. Those are seriously two of my all-time favorite hymns, and I was glad David chose those for his service. Made me realize all the more how much I liked him, and how much we had in common (he was the only one in the family that wasn't a Republican and agrees with me on a lot of issues. Now there's no one on my side. ha ha.)
We were like 3rd in the funeral procession, and in that tiny little town, people pull over for funeral processions. I was very touched to see people park their cars on the side of the road as we drove by. The gravesite was on a beautiful hill, and the day was warm and sunny. It would have been a perfect day, had we all been together and outside for a picnic or something, instead of to say good-bye to David. Jake behaved fairly well during the short message at the gravesite, but I stood in the back with him and held him close and kept whispering to him that he needed to be quiet. He was excited about all the pretty flowers and wanted to get down to look at them, but I wouldn't let him. They released doves at the end, which Jake was really excited about and kept saying "bird! bird! bird!" a little too loudly. But everyone really was nice to Jake and thought he was cute, so I don't think that annoyed them too much. Afterwards people stayed for like half an hour, talking to each other. I've never been to a funeral with such a big turnout, and with so many people who came to the gravesite. It was really a beautiful day.
Then we went back to the church for a dinner for the family. The church put together a wonderful meal for us, and Jake was good while we ate, and talked to his Aunt Laurie (Uncle Roger's wife Julie's sister.) Thoughout the weekend I would overhear Lou's grandpa saying "there's my great-grandson" and point out Jake to everyone in sight. It's sweet how much they all dote on him. Jake acts shy around Pa for some reason, but he does like him. After he ate, Jake noticed a little "stage" about 6 inches high, 3 feet wide, and 10 feet long up front in the fellowship hall, and he played on it while people were finishing up and chatting. I sat with him on it and he made me sing "The ants go marching one by one" over and over, while he stomped up and down it. He thought it was sooo funny. Everyone got a kick out of his dancing.
We spent the night Saturday night at the hotel. I let Jake jump on the beds, which he loved. Lou went and bought him a new puzzle, another stuffed puppy dog (he has like a dozen), and a new video to watch: Milo and Otis. It's actually really really cute and I love watching it with him. Lou also got me a scrapbooking magazine to read, and we just kind of chilled out and had a quiet night in. We came back to town early on Sunday to get everything ready for the coming week. Jake was an angel on the way home. I think the hard part is still to come, though, as this year's holidays come and go and we get together as a family and the lack of David's presence is made painfully obvious.
 |  |
|
want to keep a diary on iParenting?
Authoring a diary on the iParenting network allows you to chronicle your family's story, preserving it for years to come. It's also a great way to get the most out of the iParenting community. Click here to start...
|
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families. 
