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June 11, 2004
Ok, it's time for another entry. I keep telling myself I'm going to write, and I never do.
DEALING WITH MOM
To follow up on my last entry, in which I had the realization that my mother loves Jake more than she loves me, I've realized why exactly this bothers me. Before, I was under the impression that she acts the way she does because she's INCAPABLE of acting any other way. That's just the way she is, and since becoming an adult I've tried to accept her for who she is and love her despite all of it and not dwell on the past and whatever mistakes I thought she may have made with us. HOWEVER, seeing that she acts toward Jake the way I always wished she would have acted toward me, it's really hurtful to me because I see that she COULD have been there for me, she just CHOSE not to. That's what's so painful. Even today, if I've done 99 things perfect and 1 thing wrong, she's going to harp on the 1 thing wrong, and even choose to dwell on that when talking to people about me instead of finding something positive to say.
(I'll repeat here a story I think I've told before: when I was a teenager, mom was always pushing me to be better than everyone else, get straight A's, etc. I came home one day with a test grade, so proud of myself that I'd gotten a 97% after studying hard. I really felt like I had accomplished something -- until I showed it to her. She looked it over quickly and said "What happened to the other 3 points?" That's a classic example of how she only focuses on the negative with me and continually deflated whatever self-esteem I had as a teenager.)
Now that I'm on my own and had 7 years of being 2,000 miles away from her from when I left after high school until she moved out here to help me with Jake (which was my idea and I'm very happy she's here), I have a good self-esteem and basically had to distance myself from her those 7 years to figure out who I was and all that . . . now we have a more or less healthy, adult relationship and everything's fine. We get along better than we ever have. I think a lot of what has drummed up all these resentful feelings that I didn't even know I still have is I've been helping her re-arrange her old photo albums (photos that have been in albums with magnetic pages get STUCK and it damages the photos -- use only SLIP-IN pages!!!). Seeing the old pictures reminded me how I felt as a child, brought all those memories rushing back, and I've realized there's still a lot I haven't dealt with. So that's how that part of my life is doing.
Now on to Jake . . .
POTTY TIME
Jake is pretty consistant about using the potty to pee during the day. I think it's great that my mom is potty-training him for me, and that we have to use less diapers! (Thus saving me money, which is a good thing!) He even tells my mom sometimes when he needs to pee -- he says "ba-pa" for potty. (He has a tendancy to make up words for things and we have to figure out what he's talking about.) I'm not going to try to make him completely potty-trained or to wear big boy pants anytime soon, I'm just really happy he's on board with the process. Go Jake!
MY CHANGING BOY
Jake's also getting quite the little tan (which I'm proud of, because I'm always pasty-white, no matter what happens.) He loves to play outside, and my mom and dad take him out several times a day to play in their backyard. Jake's getting so tall and so tan and got a haircut recently, so he looks so different. Very much like a little boy. I had someone at church stop me on Sunday and ask him where he is in the percentiles for height (95%) and she was like "he's just so big!!!" We're just big in my family, though, so it's not a surprize or anything out of the ordinary for us. It IS sad for me sometimes to look at him and realize how quickly he's growing up and that he doesn't even RESEMBLE my little baby anymore. Sometimes when I'm playing with him or watching him sleep I have moments of stark realization like "I have to remember everything about this moment and really appreciate it, because in no time he's going to be grown up."
WELCOME TO THE BIG BLUE HOUSE
Jake loves Bear in the Big Blue House SO MUCH. He knows the pattern of the episodes, too. He always knows what's coming next, even if it's one he hasn't seen before. Like at the beginning, when Bear sticks his nose right up to the camera and acts like he's smelling you -- Jake gets so excited when that part comes up. He laughs, and he looks at me, and I have to say "Did he smell you?" (if I don't say this, he gets in my face until I do. He really wants me to take part in all the joy that is Bear, I suppose.) Then at the end of the episode, Bear stands at the bottom of the stairs to walk up to the attic and sing the goodbye song with Luna (the moon). When Bear stands at the stairs, Jake starts saying "bye-bye. bye-bye." He says this the entire time Bear and Luna are talking and singing. It's so funny. I guess he thinks they're talking directly to him. And he's always so concerned when one episode is over -- he looks at me and says "Bear? Bear?" and I say "He's coming back on, just wait." Honestly, I think Bear is a great show and it's very relaxing to watch. Even once Jake has fallen asleep, I still sit there and watch it. Then again, I love all things Jim Henson.
TIME OUT FOR THE TOYS
Hmm, what else . . . I put all Jake's blocks in semi-permanant time-out. He kept hauling the bucket to the middle of the living room floor, dumping them out, then going on to something else. He doesn't really play with them much aside from dumping them out (and putting them back in the bucket when I tell him to), so they're put up for a while. I think it's a good idea to rotate toys and not have too many sitting out anyway. I'll bring them back out after a few months and see if he can do better with them. I don't think he's even noticed they're gone. (I think I like them better than he does anyway -- they're those Fisher Price see-through blocks with all the fun things inside. I get such a kick out of them.) (On a side note, I think the reason he dumps them out is he's a little obsessive compulsive and he loves to take things apart. He had a star stacker when he was a baby and he would freak out if the stars were all on it. He would take them off the second he saw it -- and if we put the stars on and held it out of his reach, he would cry until we let him take them off. He's definitely my child.)
PLAYDATES
Jake's doing so much better playing with Elauna when she comes to visit. When we're at my mom's house and Elauna walks around the corner (the living room, kitchen, and dining room are kind of a circle you can walk around and around), I tell him to go make sure she's ok. He gets this big smile on his face and follows her around the whole circle until they're both back in front of me. When I tell him to give her a kiss he gets a silly look on his face and follows her around, walks up to her and leans in like he's going to let her kiss him, but he doesn't actually do it. It's pretty cute, though. He's still a little overly jealous of Zoe on the two days my mom watches her, but I think he just doesn't like competing for Nana's attention all day long with her. When Elauna comes over it's just to play and Priscilla and I AND my mom are there, so there's plenty of grown-ups to go around. That's my theory, anyway. Jake's doing really well playing with the little boys at church and getting along with them.
VISIT WITH SHERI AND CHRIS
My sister, Sheri came into town on May 22nd for the day, and brought her son, Chris. (Sheri is one of my 2 half-sisters from my dad's first marriage. She's 20 years older than me, her older son is 6 months older than me, her younger son, Chris, is 4 years younger than me.) Anyway, Sheri is SUPER COOL and so funny. And Chris is the sweetest thing in the entire world. I really hope Jake grows up to be JUST LIKE HIM. ;o) Chris is very smart, mellow, silly, and has a quiet strength that just radiates from him. I know I'm probably biased because he's my nephew, but I have 4 other nephews, all adults now (well, graduated from high school at least), and he's the only one that stands out like this to me. Jake had such a good time playing in the backyard with Chris. It was nice to see Chris, but they were only there for a day, and that's not nearly enough. We only see him about once a year. It's hard when we're all so busy anyway, and he's in college. During the summers he tours with the Cavaliers, a touring drum and bugle core. They're REALLY good, I got to see them last year. I can't tell you how proud I am of this kid!!! We took lots of pictures (sis Sheri is more picture happy than I am -- she sent me a CD of all the pics she had taken that weekend and it was almost 300!!!) There's a link to pics on Jake's webpage, and on this TTM board.
POOL PARTY
On the afternoon of June 5th (a Saturday) we went out to Aunt Julie and Uncle Roger's house to celebrate their daughter Lauren's 16th birthday. (These are the ones that live nearby and have a HUGE house.) This would be Jake's first time really swimming in a pool, and I was excited to see how he would like it (I knew he would love it), but I was also a little worried, because it's a pool and he's a toddler. While we were eating I was talking to Aunt Laurie about it (Julie's sister) and I said that if I let Jake out of my sight, he would jump right into the pool. She said "no he wouldn't, he'd be afraid." I said, "Laurie, I know my son. If he sees that much water, he's going right in. I have to be really careful with him." She of course thought I was over-reacting (of course, she wanted to let him run wild at her house last time I went over to her house to help her scrapbook. He climbed up the stairs and found the bathroom, knocked the piano bench over, and almost tipped over a glass vase. Then she finally realized "oh yeah, maybe he WILL get into trouble." Jake is a GOOD KID, he's just very curious and daring.)
ANYWAY, I finally stripped him down to his trunks and took him over to the pool. Julie had bought him a float he could sit in and not tip over. I had one hand holding Jake's wrist and one hand with the float in it -- I turned my back to Jake (but I was still holding on to him) to put the float in the water, and I heard a splash. He had somehow gotten away from me (or maybe I was holding on to him until after he jumped and then his hand slipped through?) and he just jumped right in and sunk down to the bottom. Luckily it was only 4 feet, so I jumped in and grabbed him. He sputtered a little and coughed, but then he wanted to play. He stayed in the pool for over an hour after that, wasn't scared or anything. He had SUCH a good time. I had fun, too, playing with him and swimming around. He really liked when I would let him float away a little, say "where's mommy?" then jump up to him (splashing him in the process) and say "Here I am!" He thought it was hilarious. He was really upset when I finally got him out of the pool.
Now I know that whenever we're at Julie's I have to watch him like a hawk, because he knows where that pool is, and he wants to go in it. And the fact that he knows how to open doors now isn't helping matters any!
IP FRIENDS
Leslie and I got together the other day . . . ok, maybe it was a few weeks ago? We don't get to see each other very much, but it's always fun when we do. I got to meet her mom, who was very nice and VERY pretty! Jake had a blast riding in Ella's Clifford swing (which Ella wasn't happy about), and I've looked and looked but I can't find one ANYWHERE. It amazes me how much Ella develops between each visit -- she's talking so much now. Jake's little girlfriends leave him in the dust as far as talking goes. I think the kids get a little better at playing nicely every time they get together. Jake just LOVED Leslie's dog. He's not scared of them anymore like he used to be. Leslie and I are in the process of talking about me working on a webpage for Ella, which will be fun to do. (Gotta get those pictures to me, Leslie!!!)
Cara (formerly with iP, now residing in Blog-world. Her kids are Liah, Dylan, and Jay) and I are going to get together the 26th to take the kids to a museum and hang out. She lives just a few hours away from me -- it will be nice to get out and do something fun. I don't do nearly enough fun things with Jake. Anyway, it will be so fun to meet her -- I feel kind of the same way I did when I met Leslie in real life -- mostly excited, but a little nervous. You always wonder if the people who like you on the internet will actually like you in real life! ;o)
TWO MOVIES
I've set a record for myself as far as going to the movies -- two in two weeks! I haven't seen this many movies so close together since college! (Remember, I had Jake not too long after college.) The 28th, Lou and I went to see Shrek2. I thought it was really good. I already knew what was going to happen because I asked my girls during their piano lesson a few days before and they told me. (Sometimes I like to know what's going to happen in a movie so I can enjoy it more.) Then last weekend, me, Kathy, Priscilla and her husband Ben went to see the third Harry Potter movie. My mom watched Jake and Elauna (we went to the 11 p.m. show, though, so they were asleep already) and we drove to the town south of us (actually, we were really close to Leslie's house.) It was a really good movie, and it was nice to spend time with P and Ben outside of just playing with the kids. Ben works a lot and I don't get to hang out with him much. He's really cool, and he and Priscilla have a great relationship. They're a lot more conservative and traditional than I am, but we are friends despite our differences and try to understand each other instead of saying "my way is the only way." Oh, and I took the CUTEST pictures of Elauna the other day, they're at:
http://www.mypages.iparenting.com/webs/elauna/May_04.html
CLEANIN' HOUSE
I took the day off work yesterday. Kind of because I needed a break, kind of because my house is driving me crazy. Especially the garage (very small -- 1 car), which is pretty much a glorified storage unit. When we moved in, we threw anything we didn't want to deal with at the time in there. When my parents moved here, they put a bunch of stuff in the garage they didn't have room for or didn't want to put in storage. So it was pretty bad. I'm happy to say though, that after HOURS of cleaning and sorting, we can again see the floors and it's clean again. Still needs a little work, but it's SO much better than it was. I organized the laundry room, too (which is the size of a small bathroom.) The shelf above the washer and dryer was just piled with stuff we didn't know where to put, and I've finally got it looking neat in there. I still have a lot of work to do this weekend, though.
AND this weekend I have to do some major baking to do -- my 3 piano students are having a little recital and as a teacher my duty is to provide great treats! On Wednesday the girls made an announcement at church, so I guess we've invited everyone -- it will be interesting to see who shows up. I'm kind of hoping for a small gathering, it will be less stressful for the kids -- then again, they're little hams, so they'll do well regardless. We're taking a few weeks off from lessons because the girls have such busy summers, so we'll start up again in August. Not having those lessons really cuts into my spending money!!! No more trips to the craft store for srapbooking supplies for a while.
I've been trying to get Jake's webpage updated and caught up, but I'm super busy at work and it's just hard to do. I will try to put updates on the TTM board for those of you loyal enough to look at the pages. ;o) And I think I'll put the pages up with just pictures and I'll get around the adding the fun graphics later (that's what really holds me up, is picking out the "themes" for the pages!)
And now for a "what you may not know about me," inspired by Kelly (hi, Kelly!!!):
I used to play basketball and volleyball, and was quite good at both, but right now my greatest athletic ability is to be able to chuck a diaper across a room to an open garbage can and make it in 90% of the time. Yup, I'm talented.
Until next time -- see you later!!!
Jen
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