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April 16, 2003
April 16th, 200FOUR!!!
OK, I have to commit to getting an entry up before the week is over. I'm doing so bad with my new diary! I did really well at Babies Today, but now that I'm at Toddlers Today and I don't have a TTM board (really, 6 weeks to wait for one is a bit much, don't you think??? Please please please fix things!!!), I just haven't been motivated. Thank you, Kelly (MT), for letting me use yours so much!!!
Last entry was a list of words that Jake says because he's a little behind in his talking so I want to track his progress. I forgot to include "duck" on the list because he started saying it when he was like 9 months old but he doesn't say it any more. He makes a quacking noise instead. New words he's learned in the last week (or that I didn't realize last week that he says):
bounce
bump
tree
flower
bird
bear
hot dog
bubble
pop
Ok, and here's some fun progress: now he not only RECOGNIZES our Sesame Street friends by pointing them out when asked ("where's Big Bird?"), he's saying the following names in addition to Elmo:
Bert
Ernie
Grover
Rosita
Zoe
Big Bird
He also strung his first two words together: "No, Nana." LOL!!! Jake, I'm proud of you for the progress you've made. I'm not going to stress about your speech quite yet because I know you are making progress. It's all good!!!
SUNDAY PRAYER SERVICE
Last Sunday (April 4th) we went with Lou's family to Lou's grandpa's church. He is the pastor of a Southern Baptist church in a northern suburb of Nashville (we live to the south). It's kind of a small country church, very laid-back. They all love Pa as a preacher, and he talks about Jake from the pulpit a lot so they all know who we are. Anyway, Uncle David was in town from east Tennessee (Lou's grandparents had 3 kids: Pam, David, and Roger. Pam was Lou's mom; she died in 1985 when he was 9.) David had cancer two years ago and had surgery to remove a lump, then lots of radiation and chemo to kill the rest of the cancer. They thought the cancer was gone, but two months ago it showed up again. David started chemo and radiation again on March 22, but the cancer seems pretty spread out and may not be curable. All that Frankie (Lou's grandma) told me about this church service was that we should be there for David, that there was something special planned. All of the family was there -- Roger and Julie and their family, Julie's parents and 2 of her siblings, etc.
Instead of having a regular church service, that morning was committed to praying for David. It was a very emotional service, and I feel so connected to Lou's family . . . losing David would be like losing an Uncle I'd grown up with. He's such a wonderful person, and his daughters are 28, 22, and 16. It's hard to understand how something so horrible could happen to someone like him when there are so many mean, bad people in the world. Why aren't THEY getting cancer? And I grew up in church, have always felt very spiritual and I believe deeply in God, but while they were praying I had the hardest time truly believing that God will heal David. Of course I felt awful for my lack of faith -- but if God can heal David, why did he get cancer the second time? It was all very upsetting to me, especially to see Pa up there talking and praying. I could tell he was really upset. I can't image how horrible it would feel to lose one child in death, much less two. When my grandma died, my great-grandma told me "you never expect to see your children die before you do." I hope and I pray that David will get better, I want that more than anything . . . I just have a hard time believing it will happen. I really hope I'm proven wrong.
I'm so tired of dealing with death. My grandma died in April of 2001, and before that, no one really close to me had died. Lou's great-grandmother died in August 2001 and I went to the funeral to support him -- we had been dating for 3 months. Then MY great-grandma died in March 2002, and his great-aunt (Frankie's sister) died that next summer. My grandma's sister, Millie, died sometime last year, too. And now to be looking to the future, and both Lou's grandparents and my dad are all 70 . . . I know some people live to be like 92, but I also know that the norm is somewhere in your 70s. I really dread having to part with anyone. I hate to think about it. I just pray (literally, I tell God this all the time) that I never have to deal with Jake's death. I don't want him to die before me. If that means he's going to die in 10 days, I had better die in 9 days. That's such a strange thing to say, but it's scary as a parent to realize how fragile life really is, and one bad decision in the car or looking away for a second and they can get away from you . . . it's just in the back of my mind all the time, a little voice that says "you know, something bad could happen . . . " Am I crazy here?
Anyway, after the church service, the family and friends that were there for David were treated to a potluck by the church. It was nice to sit and talk with some friends of David's that came from east TN to support them. They have a GREAT church out there, a very supportive congregation and great group of friends. They're planning a 25th wedding anniversary party for David and Lisa on May 15th that we're going to e. TN for if David still feels up to having a party.
BUSY FRIDAY
It was SO NICE to have Good Friday off work. I desperately needed a day off to get things done. Zoe's parents still had to work, so my mom was at my house at 8 a.m. to watch Zoe. You would think that after 3 months of mom watching Zoe 3 days a week, Jake would be used to it and not be consumed with jealousy, but he still is. It was nice to have a day for just me and him. I got Jake up and dressed and fed and first thing that morning I took him to get his hair cut. My mom and Lou's grandma and Lou's aunt Julie have all been on me not to get Jake's hair cut, to just let it keep growing long and "let him be a baby." It was starting to curl in the back, which yes is cute, but it also gets frizzy and messy and I HATE messy hair, I just do. I had let it grow for quite a while and it was pretty long -- I dreaded taking him to get his hair cut because of how he reacted the last time. But I want it to look neat for our trip to Montana (we leave the 27th) so I took him to get it cut. [The reason we're going to MT is my sister Kathy is graduating from college with a psychology degree. We're going to visit our old friends, pack Kathy up, and bring her back to TN with us. She was one of my best friends growing up, so it's going to be WONDERFUL having her here with us, even if it's just for a year until she decides where she wants to go to grad school.]
Anyway, we went to SuperCuts, the same place we went last time when Jake screamed and screamed and his hair barely got cut. But that time it was like 4:30 in the afternoon and he hadn't taken a nap that day, so we thought that's why he screamed.
Yeah, not so much.
This time around he was in a wonderful mood, was a perfect angel as he sat on my lap and waited for his turn. The second that woman put the cape around his neck he started screaming. He doesn't like for people he doesn't know to touch him, either, and he kept getting mad at her and trying to get away. I felt bad that the rest of the salon had to listen to him, but it was just for 5 minutes. The worst part, though, was the daughter of someone I know from church walked in right in the middle of it and was like "Hi, Jen!" Up to that point I thought it wasn't a big deal because those people don't know me! I don't know many people in our suburb, we really just live there, we do everything else in Nashville. So to have her witness it all was a little embarassing, but Raelyn has 2 boys of her own, so she understands.
Jake ended up getting a cute little hair cut, despite his protests and my embarassment. The woman who cut his hair is a saint, and I gave her a $3 tip. I also got my hair cut while I was there -- the second she was done and took off the cape, Jake was perfectly content to sit on my lap and watch me get my hair cut. I got like 5 inches taken off, it was getting long just because I hadn't had a chance to cut it, and I really like it about at my shoulders. It's much better now.
Then I took home and we played with Zoe for a while. I tried to get Jake to take a nap because Lou's grandma wanted us to meet her at the mall at 1 p.m. so she could buy him new shoes. He would NOT take a nap, so finally I just gave up on it and let him play. He did really well on our trip and took a good nap later that day. Anyway, we met Frankie at StrideRite and she ended up getting him two pairs of shoes: one that's dressy, and a pair of sneakers that have police cars on them and light up when he walks. He LOVES them. Then we went to Children's Place and she bought him 3 overall outfits that were on sale. She had already bought several outfits for him at Hechts earlier that day. We stopped at JCPenny's on the way out and I actually found several cute summer outfits that I bought for him (they were all on sale). Jake just grew out of all his 18 month clothes and is solidly in a size 2T and didn't have very many clothes in that size at all. I always say I'm not going to buy him much, and it's so sweet of Frankie to buy him clothes, but I wanted him to have some clothes that I picked out, too. Anyway, she bought him mostly dressy outfits and I bought him some cute play clothes.
I don't remember if I wrote about pajama shopping with my friend, Priscilla a few weeks ago. On Friday night I tried to put a pair of P.J.'s on Jake, and they got stuck on his head. The next pair got stuck on his arms and chest. I realized I only had 2 pairs of 2T p.j.'s and that I had to move him completely out of the 18 month clothes, so Saturday we loaded up the kids in my car (I put Elauna's carseat next to Jake's and that made him really mad.) He cried most of the way there and I figured he was hungry so we stopped at Chick-Fila because pregnant Priscilla was hungry, too. Jake was fine if I was holding him or letting him walk around, but everytime we put him in the car, he cried and cried. I felt really bad that Priscilla and Elauna had to listen to that, but for Elauna's first few months she cried constantly, so Priscilla understands. At Target I ended up getting Jake two sets of two pairs [4 total] of jamas, but in the 3T size because the arms were cuffed at the bottom. Then we went to Carters and I found 4 pairs of cute jamas that were all on sale, some were 3 piece -- shirt, pants, and shorts. Having 10 pairs total of jamas for 1 stage might seem a bit much, but you have to figure that some nights he'll pee through a pair and I'll have to put another on. This still leaves me some give for laundry on the weekends. Jake of course cried the entire 15 minutes home.
CAMERA HAPPY
If you read my diary at all, you know I have a digital camera that I just love, and my child loves having his picture taken. My mom taught him to say "cheese" and make a ridiculous face that's kind of cute but sometimes gets in the way of getting a normal picture of him. Every time he sees a camera, even if the person isn't trying to take a picture of him, Jake will look in their direction and make the cheese face. If he doesn't notice the flash go off he'll stop, look up at you, and make the face again -- over and over until you just take a dang picture. My camera also has a video function, so I was trying to make a quick video of him the other day but he thought I was taking a picture -- so I have 30 seconds of him making the cheese face, looking at me like "why aren't you taking the picture?" and making the face again and again. (It's actually really good for laughs and to cheer me up if I'm ever not happy. I can't watch it and not completely crack up.) And last night he pointed at my camera and fussed until I got it down from the shelf and took a picture of him! Then he wanted to hold it and see the picture. He just kept looking at it and getting this huge grin on his face, then pushed the button to see the next picture, then held the camera up to his eyes like he was going to take a picture! I love it. I can't wait to make scrapbook pages of the new pictures I took over Easter weekend. I'm so glad he's interested in photos and he just loves looking at his scrapbook and asking me who everyone is, and pointing people out for me.
EASTER
(there are pictures for just about everything I'm talking about in the Easter 2004 section of Jake's webpage. Or if you want to go straight there, the address is
http://www.mypages.iparenting.com/webs/strangejen4/Easter04_1.html
Easter was a lot of fun this year. It was a long day, but fun.
The night before Easter, my mom and I made potato salad (ok, she made it and I helped) and then I stayed up late cleaning the house (which I try to do every weekend) and making a few scrapbook pages. Then I realized I needed to put out the Easter baskets because I wasn't going to have time in the morning. Luckily I had bought things at Target 2 weeks ahead of time so I didn't have to worry about it as Easter got closer.
Easter morning I got Jake up and fed him breakfast before putting on his outfit. A friend from church gave me one of her son's old Easter outfits -- it's tan-colored linen, the shirt buttons up and has a collar, then buttons into the short pants. Jake looked like a little English boy, he was adorable. I took him outside for a few pictures, but it was chilly and had rained and Jake goes crazy wanting to run around when he's outside, so I only got a few. My mom came over and we all went to church together (even Lou, who ususally doesn't go to church with us.)
We got to church 20 minutes late and missed the breakfast and Easter egg hunt (but honestly? Jake wouldn't have known what to do anyway and it was very cold and wet, so it was ok.) I gave him to his Sunday School teacher and he went right to her, no crying. Mom and I didn't bother going to Sunday School since we were late anyway, so I went around to the kids' classrooms and took pictures of everyone (I'm the unofficial church photographer) ;o). I love the kids at my church, I know almost all of them personally because I used to baby-sit at my church before I started attending (well, that and I'm the kind of adult who would rather talk to kids than adults most of the time, so I ask them how they're doing when I see them.) My 3 piano students are all little girls at our church (ages 7, 8, and 9.) THEY at least noticed that I got my hair cut. ;o) They looked so cute all dressed up. There are pictures of them on Jake's webpage, too.
The church service was wonderful. Our church just started a handbell choir and they played the opening song. It was gorgeous. The service was centered around 4 children who were being baptized that morning -- 2 of them were my piano girls. The children's choir (5 kids) sang "I have seen the Lord" and it was really nice (I might add that my 2 piano girls also have good little voices and had solos.) I don't know why, but when Alexis and Margie were baptized, I cried. I cry at the drop of a hat anyway -- weddings, baby dedications, certain songs . . . -- and I didn't cry when the other two little boys were baptized, just my girls. This leads me to believe that I was crying because I was so happy for them and so proud of them. I've watched them grow up over the past 5 years and they are great kids. I'm starting to think I'm never going to have a daughter, and my 3 piano girls are a lot like daughters to me. I'm really looking forward to being there for them as they become teenagers and need to hang out with someone aside from their mothers and need someone to talk to. I'm actually thinking about leading the youth group when they hit that age. (We take turns volunteering for things like that in our church) Anyway, we also had communion that morning during service -- am I horrible for taking a little too much pleasure in how good the communion bread is? I always just pinch off a normal-sized piece, but in the back of my mind I'm thinking "dang! this is good bread! I would love to have a whole slice!!!" I have trouble staying solem even when I'm trying hard. ;o)
Church got out late (service usually lasts from 10:30 to 11:30.) It was 12:22 when we got in the car! We had to drive all the way back to our house to pick up the potato salad, then double back about 6 miles to get to Beverly's house for an Easter get-together with everyone. To explain who Beverly is: Lou's mom's brother is Roger. Roger is married to Julie. Julie's mom is Beverly. So she's Lou's aunt's mom, not even close to being related to me, but I just love her to death and she's Jake's 3rd grandma. Really all of Julie's family considers us family and I think that's wonderful. I think that as you get older, you CHOOSE who your family is -- and if that means adopting a family member's entire in-laws as family, so be it. I really like how Lou's family has accepted my mom as a part of our family -- it's just assumed now that if I'm coming somewhere, mom will be with me.
Anyway, Beverly goes ALL OUT for holidays. Christmas at her house is like walking into a Christmas museum, starting with the 12 foot inflatable Santa and Snowman on the front yard (her decorations don't look tacky at all, they're very tasteful and pretty.) Well Easter brings us a 12 foot Easter bunny on the front yard, which is the first thing we saw as we pulled up. The first thing we did was take pictures with the giant Easter bunny. I love how they turned out. And I love how happy everyone always is to see us (well, to see Jake, but they love us, too.) Jake gets so much attention from everyone, especially Aunt Julie and Aunt Laurie (Julie's sister.)
We had ourselves a little potluck Easter lunch and everyone loved my mom's potato salad so it was worth all the effort to make. Jake mostly ate cheese. He sat next to me in a normal chair and behaved for a little bit. When his cheese was gone, he reached over and grabbed the cubes on my plate. After that he ran and ran around, we all took turns chasing him. When we're in a new place he loves to run around and explore, and to walk up to someone, get their attention, then run away.
Then it was time for the Easter baskets. Julie and Beverly's family really goes all out for Easter -- the adults hid the baskets for the kids (who with the exception of Jake and a 9 and 10 year old, were all teenagers). Everyone found their baskets and then had to come back into the living room to open them together. It felt like Christmas morning, watching everyone open their baskets. We're not talking little baskets, we're talking HUGE, tons of presents. Jake got a plush fire truck basket that we'll use for toys and in it were bubbles, fat crayons, a dirt rake and a bucket, a Christian devotional book for kids, and probably something else but I've already forgotten! (bad mommy . . . ) Jake loved the crayons -- he carried them around for the rest of the day, and we went outside to blow bubbles for a while.
Then the kids hid the adults' baskets and we got to look for them. Lou and I had to share a basket, but we had some fun stuff inside. The best was a book, "The Purpose Driven Life," which I've been wanting to read. Also things like a Blockbuster gift card, cookie batter (just add water and eggs), candy, a J-shaped post-it note pad, just really thoughtful things. I am so blessed to have such wonderful in-laws!!!
I'm getting together with Julie's sister, Laurie, this weekend to help her with a scrapbook. It'll be so much fun!!!
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RANDOM STUFF:
The annoying lady in my office (OK, this is just me being mean):
I work in an old house on campus that was converted into an office building. There are 7 people with offices in my building and I love all of them, except for one person. She makes me crazy. I can't stand her. She's in her 50's, was raised like in Arkansas, and nothing against that state but she really fits the stereo-types. She's just not bright, is very redneck, and doesn't know when to stop talking. Today she's wearing an old lady flannel shift dress that comes just to the knees, and she's wearing it with BLACK GO-GO BOOTS. I feel like I should take her aside and explain to her about matching her outfits. And dressing her age. And not being a complete dumbass, but I don't think that I can help her with that.
Am I a horrible person for feeling this way? I'm remarkably nice to her throughout the day, despite how I feel.
I've been super-busy at work lately (which I complain daily about to Kelly.) I keep getting more and more responsibilities thrown at me. The University does raises every June, and they had better as hell give me a good one or I'm going to pitch a fit. We just handed in our evaluation stuff and I literally handed in 50 pages worth of supporting documents as to why I deserve more than the standard 5% raise. (I think we get a 3% cost of living raise every year, and if we really "Stand out" and do well, we get the 5%, which I've gotten for the past two years.) I don't mind working hard, it's just that the busier I am, the less time I have to do things like work on Jake's webpage and talk to iParenting people, and having free time every day is a HUGE reason I stay at this job. I love my college, I love the people I work with, and it's low-stress so I have time to do my own thing when my work is caught up, and they're flexible with me when something comes up with Jake. And because of all of that I put up with the fact I'm not paid what I deserve -- even my two BOSSES tell me I'm over-qualified and underpaid and they wish administration would let them pay me more. I think I have to try harder to have a better attitude about it. I'm letting work stress get to me too much. Ok, I'm done talking about work.
GRANDMA
I made a memorial webpage for my grandma, who died in 2001. It was so weird as I looked through the graphic files I have, to wonder which ones would look best for backgrounds on the pages for her, which ones she would have liked, which ones she would have rolled her eyes at and said "Good Lord, Jen, what the hell are you thinking?" She was such a funny, laid-back person; I realize now that I hardly knew her, and that makes me really sad. She had a really hard life and made a lot of mistakes, but came through it all with a sense of humor and a huge heart. Her page is at: http://www.mypages.iparenting.com/webs/pagesbyjen/GmaEllen.html
And working on the page for her (and for my great-grandma, too -- the pages are linked) really got me thinking about life. Sometimes the passage of time bothers me. It seems that as I get older it's faster and faster -- a cliche, I know, but I am truly feeling this. Sometimes when I write the date I do a double-take and think "what? how is it this month?" and sometimes "how is it this year?" I don't want time to stand still, and I look forward to the future to see what it brings, and certainly to see how Jake will change and grow up, but sometimes the quick passing of time pushes me to think of my mortality, and that's not something I want to think about.
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Thanks for sticking it out until the end of the entry! My old TTM board still works, and I still check it, it's just a pain to get to:
Jake's webpage: http://www.thebabycorner.com/sites/webs/strangejen/index.html
Mommy's BT TTM board (the one for this diary doesn't work):
http://interact.iparenting.com//postlist.php?Cat=&Board=btjennifer
Happy thoughts to all!!!
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