Jenni's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 12/21/04 -------------------- 10/14/04 9/11/04 7/22/04 6/13/04 5/13/04 5/9/04 2/3/04 1/19/04 12/31/03 12/12/03 12/2/03 11/24/03 11/11/03 11/6/03 10/20/03 10/12/03 10/5/03 9/24/03 9/5/03 8/28/03 8/24/03 -------------------- Jenni's Introduction

September 5, 2003

September 5 , 2003
Kevin 4 ¾ www.babiesonline.com/babies/k/kfro
Maxx 9 ½ months www.babiesonline.com/babies/m/maxx

My first pregnancy started in August of 2001. I waited a full week past the day I was supposed to get my period to test. I couldn’t believe that I got a faint line I kept reading and re-reading the directions and couldn’t decide on the results. I think I must have taken about five more tests, all with varying results, a dark line, a faint line, no line at all. I also had a little brownish discharge and after consulting all the pregnancy books decided that it was a normal thing. I went to my ob’s office and they confirmed my pregnancy with a urine test. I was SO EXICITED. I called Tom and said, “Guess what? You’re going to be a Daddy!!!” We were both thrilled. However while he wanted to tell everyone I wanted to wait because of the light spotting I was having. He went a head and told everyone anyway. The very next day after my pregnancy was confirmed I started spotting even more. I immediately called the dr’s office and was told to come in for an ultrasound and blood work. I called Tom and he came with me. I had the ultrasound and the technician told me he couldn’t find anything. I was having the blood work done and he said in front of everyone (nurses and patients), “What made you think you were pregnant, anyway?” RUDE!!! I was stunned and I muttered, “A urine test”. I was so upset that I handled the whole situation wrong with Tom and we got in a big fight and instead of coming home and staying with me he headed back to work. When he got there his boss, a woman, promptly sent him back home. I called and got the results from the blood work and my HCG levels were very low (see I new I was pregnant) and had to go for another blood draw. My HCG levels kept going up and down so I kept having to go for more blood work. I don’t mind needles but after the fifth or sixth time I almost couldn’t stand to get poked anymore. Sitting in the doctor’s office was pure torture too, seeing all those women in various stages of pregnancy and not knowing what was happening with my body. Finally a nurse finally broke the news that I was miscarrying. I never once talked to my doctor during any of this. I went back to work but just didn’t feel right, I was bleeding a lot and I felt bloated. I called the doctor and they gave me some medication to slow the bleeding. It didn’t help and I called the doctor again and this time I actually got to speak to one (there were seven in the office I was going to). I explained my situation. She suggested I come to the hospital for more blood work and she would do an ultra sound and d &c. What a nightmare! Because of the medication I took to slow the bleeding and from staying up all night crying from watching Princess Diana‘s funeral I had a massive migraine. I had a blood drawn and was taken to day surgery for the d&c. I spent hours waiting because the doctor that I had spoken with was delivering a baby and there was a lady already waiting to have a d&c a head of me. I was going nuts waiting, not only from the torturous headache but from the anti nausea medication they put in the IV. It makes me all jittery and I can’t sit still. I had to use every ounce of will power I had to keep myself on the table and to keep myself from ripping the IV out of my hand. After the doctor delivered her other patient she checked my blood work and determined my numbers were way down and she said I wouldn’t need a D&C after all. Then she checked my cervix and sent me home with instructions to come for another blood draw the following week. She also apologized profusely for the way I had been treated by her office. After my HCG levels returned to 0 I stopped going to that office.

The doctor at the old office told me I should wait three cycles before TTC. I was still doing the temperature charts but in December I was so tired of it that I stopped and just decided to take a break from it all. In the middle of January Tom’s sister called to tell us that she was pregnant and due in October. I was so depressed because there was virtually no chance of me being pregnant. That didn’t stop me from taking a HPT as soon as I got off the phone with her, though! It was negative and I was crushed. A few weeks later I decided to take my temperature and it seemed a little high for that time in my cycle. I decided to take it again the day I was supposed to start AF and if it was still high I would do another HPT. My temp was still high so I tested and it was POSITIVE. A big red plus sign (his time I wasn’t relying on those lines)! I woke Tom up (this was 5 a.m.) and showed him. he was stunned. After that neither one of us could sleep. I felt weird from that day on. At first I felt jittery, like caffeine high and then I felt more and more nauseated. The next week Tom and I went to Memphis for a long weekend. I felt very tired and nauseas. The very next day after we came back I started spotting. I was crushed. I called in sick to work and my new doctor’s office fit me in for blood work. The spotting stopped and my HCG levels came back very high so we new thing were looking good. As days went by I felt worse and worse, it took every once of strength I had to make it to work. One day I was giving the camera girl a break and a customer came in with about fifty reprints and I had to make up all these envelopes for her. I don’t know how I got through her order without throwing up. I have no idea what she thought, she probably thought I was a B#!*$! After she left I ran to the bathroom and threw up. From then on I couldn’t stop throwing up, I could barley keep anything down. When I called the doctor about it he was kind of rude with me but had me come in anyway to get weighed. I had lost five pounds so he gave me some anti-nausea suppositories and told me I could take Dramamine. I tried both and neither helped. I also tried those wrist bands with the pressure points. I was so miserable and Tom was no help (he hates sick people) He thought I was making it seem much worse than it was. One day he tried to get me up for work and I wouldn’t budge. He started yelling all kinds of horrible things, I just leaned over and threw up in the bucket I had by the bed and closed my eyes and tried to sleep. Another time he got mad and ordered take out for him and got nothing for me. My boss at work was very understanding, he let me come and go as I pleased and I even took work home with me. I never imagined pregnancy would be that hard. We were scheduled to go to England and Scotland in the middle of March and I was not feeling any better. I tried to tell Tom I didn’t think we should go but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Most of the vacation turned out okay, it was nice to get some fresh air, but it was horrible not knowing where or when I might throw up! The plane ride home was the worst and all I wanted to do was throw up but I couldn’t. I was so happy when we got home I nearly cried coming through customs. As soon as we got home I ripped off those wrist band and was promptly sick (are you sick of me being sick already? All of this does have a point, I promise). Then came the worst day of the whole pregnancy. Tom went to a Cubs game and I stayed home. I couldn’t keep anything down, and I mean anything. Not one sip of water! I can’t even tell you how many times I threw up and I had a horrible migraine to top it all off. I told Tom what was going on and he didn’t even offer to come home, even though I was sobbing on the phone. I have to admit though, I didn’t ask, I was too afraid to. My parents kept calling and to this day I wish I had answered and had them take me to the hospital. Some how I made it through the day and didn’t loose the baby. Things kind of settled into a routine after that with me still feeling horrible ALL of the time (It was past the 14-16 week mark). Then my boss got transfer and we got a new guy who came with a terrible reputation. At first he was really nice to me but then we moved into a new location and he completely changed personalities on me. Tom tried talking to him but he could not comprehend that I was feeling so horribly. He scheduled me for times he knew I could not make it to work so on the day I read the new schedule I wrote him a letter of resignation. Tom and I had argued about this but decided that if I felt that I had to quit I would give two weeks notice. I knew that if I didn’t quit right then that I would get talked out of it. I felt that I was already under too much stress; stress from an unsympathetic husband, stress from being sick all the time, my new doctor was turning out to be a jerk, and I hated my job. After I quit my husband was VERY angry but I felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I still felt awful and I threw up everyday but somehow things seemed better. Fast forward to the end of the pregnancy (38 weeks), I actually knew I was going to have Kevin because all of a sudden a felt almost normal again kind of like I was going to have a period. I told my doctor (I started seeing the other guy in the office by this time) and he checked me but thought I would still go another two weeks. He sent me for a NST because I didn’t think the baby was as active. Everything looked okay. Tom was working so I went to my parent’s house, ate peanut M&M’s and watched the season premier of Friends. Early the next morning I was having the strangest dream it was the native women dancing to intense drum music, they were dancing faster and faster and the music was louder and louder and then…. I woke up and my water broke! I called the doctor after a few hours and he sent me to the hospital, where they had a hard time confirming that my water actually did break. Nothing much was happening but they decided to keep me and put me on a pitocin drip. At 11: 10 on September 25, 1998 Kevin Thomas was born. From that moment on he has been a handful, both in good and bad ways!

I could swear that when Tom and I were dating that he said he wanted kids not a kid. After Kevin was born and brought many changes to our lifestyle Tom decided he only wanted one. I had always wanted three. Some how, I think with a lot of family pressure, I talked him into one more. I got pregnant with Maxx in February/March of 2002. I suspect that I had a miscarriage in the fall of 2001 but it was never a confirmed pregnancy. At first being pregnant with Maxx seemed like it was going to be a lot different, but eventually I did get very nauseous. At least this time I didn’t actually throw up, I just felt like it all the time. I still lost a lot of weight. Tom was a lot better this time, but he was working a different shift and wasn’t around me so many waking hours. HA! HA! It was hard taking care of a three year old but some how I managed. Kevin spent a lot of nights sleeping with us because I just didn’t have the energy to put him to bed and make sure he stayed in there. Even though I didn’t feel quite so sick with this pregnancy it was harder in other ways. I got a lot bigger (even though I gained less weight) and I was having a lot of problems with my left hip so it was very painful to walk and keep up with my very active three year old. My doctor didn’t think I would go the whole 40 weeks and said that if I made it to 39 he wouldn’t mind inducing. At 38 ½ weeks I scheduled the induction It just made it easier with Kevin, we didn’t have to worry about what to do with him in the middle of the night or how I would get to the hospital if Tom was at work and I went into labor. The hospital I delivered at was 40 minutes from our house in the same town Tom works in. At 7:10 on November 17, 2002 Justin Maxximilian Robert “ Maxx” was born. Maxx has been an easy baby from the start.

Are you still with me here? Are you wondering, “What was the point of all of that?”

Part of me wanted to write it all down just to have for myself and for the boys when they get older. Another part of me wanted to remember just how miserable I actually was. I don’t even think I did justice in describing how HORRIBLE I did feel. I guess I’m really sad about all the “lasts”. Every time I put some piece of clothing a way or toy that Maxx has out grown I remember that I will be giving it away or selling it because it’s the last time we’ll ever need it. I always imagined myself having three children. When I was pregnant with Maxx I SWORE I would not be willing to go through that all again. Now I’m second guessing myself. My SIL just announced she’s pregnant again so I guess that is another reason why I’m having all these feelings. Tom was supposed to have a vasectomy but he hasn’t done it yet. Maybe there’s a reason that that hasn’t happened yet. I don’t think I could get him to willingly get me pregnant again, though. What do you all think?


In other news, Kevin started preschool this week and I’m happy to be able to say he’s was good both days, YEAH!!! He also lost his first tooth today. My #1 baby is growing up! He looks so cute; I’ll post pictures after I get them developed. I’m also busy planning his fifth birthday party. Anyone know any good kids games? Treat bag suggestions?

Maxx is doing great. I think he’s teething; he has been more crabby than usual. He’s really on the go all the time and does not like to be contained. Changing his diaper is next to impossible. All he does is squirm; I almost have to hold him down to do it. Next time I’ll post a funny story about that.

Thanks for sticking with me! TTM,
Jenni, Kevin, and Maxx

What we’re reading
Maxx- Big bird walks and what does Violet see
Kevin- Good night, Good Knight by Shelly Thomas Moore
Jenni- still trying to catch up on those magazines!