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February 3, 2004
February 3, 2004
A quest for honesty.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking in the last few weeks and taking a long hard look at myself and my life so please bear with me. First off I know this is supposed to be a Toddler diary (I will get to the kids!) but I asked for a Moms Today diary and they are full to the brim over there and since this is my diary and I’m writing for myself as well as the kids I guess it’s my right to write what I want to (how’s that for a run on sentence?). I have actually been toying with the idea of setting up a Blog since this is such a public forum and I have been writing about a lot of sensitive family issues but even though there is a fear of being discovered I also enjoy the community feeling here and receiving feedback so right now I’m not sure what I will do. I think I’ll have to look at the blog thing a little more since I only discovered what they are since Julia (pregnancy today) decided to set one up.
What have I been thinking about? The whole dieting/ weight issue, I have really been thinking about this and have finally figured out what caused my weight gain. DUH! When I first met Tom I probably weighed 125(I’m 5’8) I was actually too thin but I was teaching aerobics 5 hrs a week; I had two- hour long classes on Monday and Wednesday evenings and an hour class on Friday evening. I should backtrack a little here to say that about two years before I met Tom I weighed around 155 but with the stress of being demoted and then getting out of a bad relationship and beginning to teach aerobics the weight just fell off without my even trying to loose weight. After I met Tom I gained a few pounds mostly because Tom did a lot of the cooking and serving and he always gives generous portions. Tom also loves to go to different restaurants and festivals, it’s not that I gained a lot of weight but I went from being scrawny to thin and I was still happy with what I weighed and how I looked. After I had Kevin the weight simply “fell” off and I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight 6 weeks after having Kevin. I still taught aerobics but instead if 5 hours I was down to teaching an 1 ½ class on Monday and Wednesday but that didn’t seem to affect my body any since I was able to do a 50 min cardio workout and a 40 body sculpting workout in each class. It seems like my weight started to creep back up when my classes were cut to 1 -55 minute class on Mondays and Wednesdays. Around this time Kevin was about 18 months old and in the throws of the terrible twos so I would wait until I got him down for a nap before I would have my lunch and have some time to myself. Of course it could be two o’clock before I got him down for a nap so I would grab a cookie here, a piece of candy there, a bite of Mac and Cheese to hold myself over until I could have my lunch. So the combination of exercising less, having more stress in my life and more snacking led to the weight gain. When I got pregnant with Maxx I weighed around 160 and I gained twenty pounds while I was pregnant with him. After I gave birth the pounds started to come off pretty easy and it was nice to see the numbers on the scale going down. Last spring I was down to about 151 and I even went out and got myself some new things and was anticipating being down to 140-145 by fall but over the summer I gained 9 pounds back just by snacking a little more and not exercising at all. I’ve been very unhappy with myself and how my clothes fit and I just can not gain anymore weight because I know if I get any heavier I will become so overwhelmed with the task of loosing the weight that I will never be able to do it. So I decided that at the beginning of the year I would exercise more and eat better but not diet, so to speak. What I have been doing is trying to exercise at night after I get the kids in bed (on the nights that Tom is working). I bought myself several new workout tapes so I have a variety of workouts to choose from; yoga, Pilates and the fit ball. I could just pull out a cassette tape that I made while I was teaching but I need a change from the dance aerobics scene. I also got a Lateral Thigh Trainer which is my cardio workout. I was doing pretty well with staying on task with exercising but last week I had a migraine that lasted 3 days, actually I’d have it in the evening and all night but it seemed to go away during the day. I’d look forward to working out all day but then I couldn’t because I was afraid that exercising would just aggravate the migraine. I did manage to get a few workouts in though; the ab work out on the fit ball is a killer! As far as eating better goes, on the days that Tom works I try not to snack in between meals and to eat my meals when the kids eat. After dinner I allow myself to have dessert but then not eat anything more in the evening. On the days that Tom is off I basically eat what I want when I want but I still try to watch and make better choices. So far I’ve lost two pounds. I’ve just got to keep this up because I want my clothes to fit better when we go on vacation in March.
The other thing I’ve had on my mind is Kevin. Kevin is a very active, bright, loving, articulate child. Did I mention active? My greatest fear is that Kevin will be diagnosed with AD/HD or ADD. I feel like I’ve failed him somehow. I feel like it is my fault that Kevin has been labeled in a negative way. When Kevin was about eighteen months old I used to take him to a local gymnastics center that has a program similar to Gymboree and at first he played nice along with all the other children but he was defiantly one of the more active ones, but around that age it is normal for kids to start to hit, push, and bite. Kevin was never a biter but he would hit and push on occasion. One day at gymnastics we got there a little early and some mothers were talking and the kids were playing. One mother that was there had a baby in a car seat and her little boy who was in Kevin’s age. Kevin wanted to play with this little boy but he didn’t want to play so they were kind of pushing at each other. I disciplined Kevin got him busy doing something else but he ran over to this woman’s baby. Kevin didn’t do anything to the baby but she though he did because the baby started to cry so she started yelling at me. She had an accent and spoke in broken English, well, I was mortified. I can’t even remember if I even said anything to her. I was so embarrassed even though Kevin didn’t do anything to the baby; I almost stopped taking him there. Then one evening we were at Tom’s sister’s house for a party, I was there by myself because Tom had to work. I stayed too long and Kevin got into trouble by knocking over a block tower that some kids were building. Once again I was totally embarrassed by his behavior so I picked him up by the seat of his pants and took him home. I can not express how mad and embarrassed I was. I cried all the way home and Kevin did too because he knew I was mad at him. Tom and I would make comments about his behavior to other people so that they would know that we didn’t condone how he was acting, almost like we were preparing them for the worst before anything happened. We would also be very laid back with the discipline at home but then overly strict when we would be out with friends or family, which is very confusing to a 2-3 year old! Kevin, of course, heard all these things being said about him and it also seemed like the other children he got to play with (namely his cousins, who are all girls) knew that Kevin was the perfect scapegoat to blame for anything that happened so consequently Kevin kept getting in trouble for things he didn’t do. Tom didn’t believe me when I tried to tell him that Kevin was innocent of a lot of the things he got blamed for when we were around his family until he saw it with his own eyes. Anyway, I feel like Kevin has been labeled as a bad kid and I am especially sensitive to how I think others are perceiving his behavior, especially Tom’s family. That is one reason I hate getting together with all of them. There is always so much commotion with all the kids and the adults are always trying to one up each other, it’s all too much for me. Apparently too much for Kevin also because all the extra sensory commotion seems to make him even more hyper than he is, he also doesn’t get to play with other children very much so he is always extra excited to see other kids.
I have an okay relationship with my MIL; right now she thinks I’m great because of all the things that are going on with her own kids right now. Two years ago we were having lunch with my in-laws, we were on our way to the airport to leave for vacation, and my MIL comes up and puts her arm around me and says,” I hope you don’t mind but I bought you a book” I was a little confused, I’m thinking, why would she buy me a book to read on the plane? She really doesn’t know what I like to read. Then she gives me thins book called, The Out of Sync Child; Recognizing and Coping with Sensory Integration Disorder by Carol Stock Krazowitz. Needless to say I was shocked, I didn’t know what to say, then she went on to say that she had been discussing Kevin with some of her co-workers (my MIL had just gotten her degree in Social work and was new on the job and was still in that I can fix the whole world phase) and this person thought it sounded like Kevin had Sensory Integration Disorder. I guess she thought that because Kevin would get over stimulated in large groups of people, was afraid of the vacuum cleaner, and had a fear of dogs that there was something wrong with him. My FIL made some comment about Kevin needing to be “fixed”. I really didn’t say much, I just accepted the book; we ate and were on our way to the airport. Tom asked me if I was upset and I told him I wasn’t really sure how I felt about it. The more I thought about it the more pissed off I got and when I read the book I kept thinking this is the stupidest thing I have ever read, most people have these quirks. The only good information in the book was for people who have children who have a serious problem with sensory issues and it gave tips on what to do with children who were less bright and more closed off but it didn’t tell you what to do with the active, easily stimulated, bright children. I asked my pediatrician about it and he didn’t think that I had anything to worry about but if I wanted to take Kevin to a therapist he would find someone for me to go to. I was very irritated with my FIL for suggesting that Kevin was like some broken toy that could be “fixed”. Tom was no help when I tried to vent to him about it,” They’re just trying to help”. WELL, he’s your kid too, I thought, aren’t you insulted? I’ve also read Born to be Wild; Freeing the Spirit of the Hyperactive Child by Kristi Meisenbach Boylan this is about a child with ADD/ADHD, again some of the things this woman describes are kind of like Kevin but not all of it rings true. The author makes a couple of good points, 30 years ago people were not as quick to label kids, especially boys because children were allowed to be children, not the perfect idea of what we think children should be and that instead of giving our children a negative label we should come up with a positive statement about them.
If Kevin does have ADD/ADHD it is something we will have to deal with but I keep thinking it was something I did while I was pregnant with him. My pregnancy with Kevin was so stressful. I was sick the whole 9 months, Tom was a dick about it the whole time, we argued too much about my sickness and the fact that I quit my job because it was too much for me to handle. All that stress couldn’t have been good for Kevin in utero. I’m still hoping that as Kevin gets older and goes to school he will calm down; we’ve already seen positive changes in him. His preschool teacher is a child psychologist and she has never mentioned thinking that he has any of the disorders I’ve mentioned.
Other than all of that Kevin is doing GREAT. He is very loving and always telling us that he loves us. Maxx thinks he’s the greatest thing ever. Kevin is doing great with the second level of Hooked on Phonics. He listened to the tape and did the flash cards once and he was able to read them all and knows all the blends. He could even read the backs of the cards that the cassette didn’t cover yet. He is such a sponge we only have to show him something once and he remembers it (well, not when we tell him to pick up his toys!). He can remember things about vacations or things we did 3 years ago! We finished reading The Magicians Nephew by C.S Lewis and we are now on The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. Kevin is really enjoying the stories and I am amazed at how much he retains while listening to me read.
I finally took Maxx for his 1 year check up. Maxx weighs 24.5 lbs. and is 30.25 inches tall. The only shot Maxx got was the second half of his flu shot. They offered me the chicken pox vaccine but I decided to wait on that one. If Maxx hasn’t had them by the time he goes to preschool then he will get it. Maxx is getting 4 new teeth and they are all molars. In my last entry I said he was getting his bi--cuspids but I was wrong they are molars and he is getting molars on the bottom also. I wonder where his lateral incisors on the bottom and all his bi –-cuspids are? Maxx can run now and raise up on his toes. HE LOVES to dance. I wish I had a video camera the other day when we were watching Oprah’s fiftieth birthday party, when Tina Turner came down and sang Simply the Best Maxx was dancing up a storm and laughing, it was the cutest thing ever! Maxx also LOVES popcorn and will sit and eat it while we watch a movie. He also loves to pull all our DVD’s off the shelves, it’s the strangest thing, he always finds The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps and carries it around either that one or There’s something about Mary. Maxx really hasn’t been playing with toys this week he loves to carry around books and look at them, if he not doing that he’s climbing all over the couch. He has now figured out how to escape from the family room by climbing over the one arm. Maxx is still not talking much but I am sure he is saying “sock” and “eye” (as he is poking himself in the eye, I wish he’d stop that!) as well as Dada. We though Maxx was going to be right handed but we’ve been noticing him using his left hand more. What are the chances of two right handed people having two left handed children?
I’ve been doing pretty well about not spending any money. At least we can pay all our minimum payments. We had our taxes done and we are getting a small fortune back so we will be able to have a nice vacation and catch up on some bills. Tom and I were talking about what a horrible situation his brother is in and I was trying to hint at how bad our situation is but he didn’t seem to want to hear it. The worst thing that can happen is that we will have to refinance again and cash out some equity, but since finding out about our taxes we should be okay.
Tom’s brother~ Seven years ago Tom’s brother got a divorce from his first wife and moved back here to Chicago. Since then he has lived in at least nine different places. Tom has helped with three of those moves. After the first too he said he would never do it again because his brother is never prepared when Tom gets there. Well In the last 3 years his brother(who is now remarried and has three kids) has had his house foreclosed on, two cars repossessed and been evicted from a rental home. Last weekend Tom had to help his dad move his brother out of the rental and into a house that my FIL bought so that Tom’s brother, wife and kids would have somewhere to live. Tom kept telling his dad to make sure that his brother was ready to move and my IL’s even went and helped them pack one night. When Tom got there on Sunday to help them move they were hardly ready. Tom said there was still stuff to be packed and the place was worse than a mess. They packed up 2 –twenty four ft. trucks and there was another truck load of stuff still left at the house. Luckily the lady they were renting from gave them an extra week to get out. Tom said he couldn’t imagine how they were ever going to get the rental cleaned up. I guess Tom’s brother and wife where hardly any help and when Tom left, they barely said thanks. It was like “Thanks a lot” like he had just stopped by to drop a movie or something trivial.
Tom’s sister~ not too much new there. My IL’s decided to give her a list of all the nice things they’ve done for her in her life since she can’t seem to remember any of them. They also gave her a pearl set in a gold slide for her omega chain. The pearl is once that Tom’s sister gave their mother years ago and they thought it would evoke some good memories but they didn’t get much reaction from her. They asked my opinion but I really wasn’t able to articulate how I really felt about it. I think they should have just given her the list. They spent a lot of money on the slide and she doesn’t appreciate it, she’s not a sentimental person. They always go above and beyond on gifts for Tom’s sister because they worry about her reaction and they never get the reaction they want. After all the horrible things she’s said in the last couple of months I can’t believe they bought her anything. They also found out that their daughter got a huge settlement from her first husband; it was all back child support he owed her. She used some of the money to buy Tom’s niece a car and instead of putting the rest away for her daughters future she paid off some of her (Tom’s sister) credit cards and made a donation to her church. I guess they were really upset about the donation to the church because if she wanted to help someone she should be helping her brother. We are still not sure if they are going to let Tom’s niece go on vacation with us. Tom’s sister says she can go but so far they still have not bought the ticket or taken her to get her passport. I hope Tom’s niece does get to go, she’s a lot of fun and she is always a big help with the kids.
I guess that‘s all (as if that wasn’t enough! HA HA!)
Jenni, Kevin, and Maxx
What we are reading:
Jenni~ Brazen Virtue by Nora Roberts. I finished A Royal Duty by Paul Burrell, my advice don’t bother, there really isn’t much new info in this book and Paul Burrell is a suck up trying to get back in with the Royal Family.
Kevin~ The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis, Little Bear’s Colors and Shapes by Jane Hissey, this is a good book even for older children because it teaches color patterns (spots, checks, and stripes) and 3 D shapes. The pictures are nice as well. Look-A Likes by Joan Steiner, these are all pictures made out of everyday objects into something else. It’s a nice book to take on trips and out to eat every time you look at the pictures you see something new!
Maxx~ Everything! Maxx LOVES books! Hand, Hand, Fingers Thumb by Al Perkins and Follow the Monsters by Sharon Lerner
Oh, and by the way, a bunch of us who live in the Chicago are trying for a get together this summer so if you are interested stop by Raelyn’s TTM on Mom’s Today and let her know you are interested.
Www.babiesonline/babies/m/maxx
www.babiesonline/babies/k/kfro
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