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Jen's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 11/19/00 -------------------- 11/14/00 10/30/00 10/24/00 10/18/00 10/11/00 10/10/00 10/3/00 9/20/00 9/13/00 9/5/00 8/22/00 8/15/00 8/1/00 7/24/00 7/17/00 7/11/00 7/5/00 6/26/00 6/19/00 6/12/00 6/5/00 5/15/00 5/10/00 5/1/00 4/25/00 4/19/00 4/10/00 4/4/00 3/29/00 3/20/00 3/14/00 3/6/00 2/29/00 2/22/00 2/15/00 2/8/00 2/2/00 2/1/00 1/26/00 1/12/00 1/4/00 12/29/99 12/20/99 11/29/99 11/17/99 11/8/99 10/27/99 10/26/99 10/18/99 10/13/99 10/7/99 9/29/99 9/22/99 9/13/99 9/7/99 9/1/99 8/31/99 8/17/99 8/10/99 -------------------- Jen's Introduction

October 10, 2000

I've been thinking a lot about respect and how we teach it to our children. I think the first step is that we need to give them the respect that we wish to be shown. This plays out in subtle ways. For example, if we're tickling our kids and they are laughing and giggling but saying "Stop, don't!" We know that they don't really want the fun to end, so is it OK to continue?

I know it seems like it might be overboard, but no, I don't think it's all right. How else are you going to teach the concept of "No means no" if you don't demonstrate that by example? It seems like a stretch to think that the benign act of continuing a tickle-fest in spite of laughing protestations could lead to something more serious, but then where else does it start?

My husband and I have never really discussed this aspect of our parenting, it's just something that we do. We love roughhousing, and tickling and all that, but when Jason says he's done, it ends. Sometimes, he's not really finished, and then he'll say "More, more!" and back into the fray we go. But, I feel like he has the assurance that his wishes will be respected. To me, this seems like a great way to build self-confidence, and maybe it will teach him to extend that same respect to others.

No, I don't think that kids who keep getting tickled after they've asked not to be are going to turn into psychopathic rapists, assaulting anyone in their path, or victims who expect that kind of treatment. However, I do think that when we stop when our children ask us to sets a pretty clear message of respect and trust. There will be plenty of times where we'll have to do things in their best interests that are against our children's wishes. Why not allow for as much self-determination as is possible when the opportunity presents itself?