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Jen's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 11/19/00 -------------------- 11/14/00 10/30/00 10/24/00 10/18/00 10/11/00 10/10/00 10/3/00 9/20/00 9/13/00 9/5/00 8/22/00 8/15/00 8/1/00 7/24/00 7/17/00 7/11/00 7/5/00 6/26/00 6/19/00 6/12/00 6/5/00 5/15/00 5/10/00 5/1/00 4/25/00 4/19/00 4/10/00 4/4/00 3/29/00 3/20/00 3/14/00 3/6/00 2/29/00 2/22/00 2/15/00 2/8/00 2/2/00 2/1/00 1/26/00 1/12/00 1/4/00 12/29/99 12/20/99 11/29/99 11/17/99 11/8/99 10/27/99 10/26/99 10/18/99 10/13/99 10/7/99 9/29/99 9/22/99 9/13/99 9/7/99 9/1/99 8/31/99 8/17/99 8/10/99 -------------------- Jen's Introduction

October 3, 2000

Well, Jason is certainly testing his boundaries lately! He's been getting into all the things he knows he's not supposed to, and not following instructions at all. I was getting really frustrated, because it means that everything takes more time, but I'm realizing that it's just part of his development. It's still irksome, but doesn't quite get under my skin so much.

I realized that part of the problem is that I had been letting him slide on a lot of things, so of course he's going to take advantage of that. It has been easier for me to just let things go because of getting more and more awkward as this pregnancy starts towards the finish line. Hmmm, do I go make Jason put the toys away, or just stay on the couch a little longer?

I had a realization though that I'm not doing him any favors by letting him do what he wants. He's not going to think the rules are important if I don't enforce them, and though it's hard now that I'm uncomfortable, it's not going to be any easier when I'm carrying a newborn. If I don't follow through on what I ask for now, I think it will just add to the difficulties Jason may face while adjusting to a new sibling.

What has been happening is that when I ask him to do something, he'll say "OK," and then run and play with his toys. So, what I'm now doing is just redirecting toward whatever he is supposed to do until it's done, while telling him that he can play with whatever he wants once "x" is done. If he absolutely refuses, then we sit together on the couch for a couple of minutes. I'm not expecting miracles, he's a 2 year old, but mostly he's a really easy kid to deal with, and I think he's just needs more than verbal guidance right now.

It kind of hit me last night that I really can't be a perfect mom. Obviously, I'd love it if I had managed to work out all of my personality quirks before I had kids, but I haven't. Sometimes I get frustrated, and lose my patience. There are times when I don't react in the loving and understanding manner that is my ideal. It's hard to know that I will make mistakes, and some of them may be doozies, and the truth is that Jason, and Aerin, will be affected by them. I wish I could be the vision of motherhood that I have in my head, but it's just not going to happen.

What I have to do is the best that I can, and all things considered, that's pretty good. I love my kid, and kid-to-be, don't hesitate to show affection, really consider the decisions I have to make for them, try and make sure they are getting good nutrition, and are healthy and happy. Sometimes I'm going to stumble and yell when I should have taken a deep breath, and I have to live with that. However, if that's all I dwell on, I'm ignoring all the good things I accomplish. I love my son and daughter-to-be with all my heart, and that has to count for something.