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August 1, 2000

08/01/00

My little man had an exciting day yesterday! He managed to poop on the potty at daycare (guess this means I need to get one, eh?), took a nap all on his own, and figured out that he could crawl out of the crib on his own.

We learned about the crib bit last night-we since he had done well with the nap, we asked if he wanted to go in the crib when we were going to bed. He said yes, so we popped him in there and he lay down. Well, that was fine until we turned out the light, and then he started getting a little upset. The crib's right by our bed, so I would pat him on the leg, and we were just going to give it a couple of minutes to see if he'd calm down. After about 2 minutes, he'd fuss on and off, and then I noticed that it sounded like he was in the same spot, but I couldn't feel his leg anymore. Luckily I followed "mommy" instinct to get up and check, because he was halfway over the side. So much for that being a place that he can't get out of!

A tangent here--I know this may be a little morbid, but I've been thinking a lot about being a mom, and how it can be frightening at times. In some ways it's been hard to look at Jason and realize that all the love I have won't protect him from every bad thing that can happen. Having a child makes you so vulnerable to a kind of pain that is hard to imagine until you hold them in your arms and realized just what it is you are responsible for. I try not to dwell on it, but sometimes I get a glimpse of what I would feel if something were to happen, and I wonder how you go on afterwards.

And yet, I can't imagine saying no to this gift that I've been given. No matter what, I have to say that having Jason in my life has been one of my greatest joys.