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February 29, 2000

Hello and welcome to the life of my son, Jason -- please pick a personality out of the hat, and he'll be with you in a moment. He is sooooo testing the boundaries, and I feel challenged as a parent -- infancy was nothing compared to this. This weekend he was in explore mode, and wanted to be into all the things that he hadn't seen before, most of which was not suitable.

Time for another round of baby-proofing -- he can reach counter tops, and if that's not good enough, he is fearless when it comes to climbing. I was looking for something on the bookshelf in my living room, and when I turned around he was standing on the arm of the couch without holding onto anything. Yikes! His nicknames are currently Danger-boy, Monkey-man and, well, Seņor Stinky-pants when the occasion warrants it. But I digress.

He's sleeping and eating much more than normal and the pants that I just bought him are already short. He's all leg, I swear -- he can still wear some of the 12-month onesies and shirts, but is in 24-month overalls and jeans. He swims in them, but the 18-month stuff is too short, though he doesn't come close to filling them in.

It's been hard to remain patient with him lately. I know he's just figuring out what is acceptable and what's not, but it's certainly frustrating for me. How bad his behavior seems to me is directly related to what kind of mood I'm in, and that tends to wreck havoc on the whole consistency ideal. I really feel like I'm struggling as a parent right now, and I wish I had more experience to at least have some idea about what is just normal for his age and what I need to really work on.

Some friends of mine have a daughter about 10 months older, and it doesn't look like it's going to get any easier any time soon, though the challenges are different. At least it's reassuring that they get frustrated too -- and I think they are great parents. It's scary though -- what will it be like when we throw a newborn into the mix? After a particularly trying episode yesterday, Steve and I looked at each other and asked, "Are we SURE we want to do this again?" The answer was yes, but whew, what a day.

It's not all frustration -- to be honest, most of the time his exploration of the world is a blast to be a part of. It's just when his exploration includes the silverware drawer that my blood pressure rises!

On the TV front, I still feel like we're watching too much, but it's gotten a lot better and Jason doesn't even seem to notice. Yesterday we got an extra eye-opener about how much he absorbs -- we were watching Stargate, and I think it scared Jason. Last night he had several nightmares and I felt so bad for him. We really need to be more mindful of what content he sees.

At least he had one good dream before all the bad ones, he was sound asleep and giggling like a mad-man. Steve and I were guessing that he was dreaming about puppies -- he laughs the same way when they lick his face.

I have doubts about family bedding sometimes (especially when there's a foot on my nose), but it was so nice to be able to comfort him and get him back to deep sleep without having to wake up completely. I'm still thinking about transitioning him elsewhere, but I don't feel like I'm in any kind of rush.