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February 15, 2000

Molars! We finally have molars! I was beginning to think that Jason was only going to have eight teeth for the rest of his life, but somewhere in the last couple of days, one broke through, and the others are very close as well. We knew they were on their way, what with the bouts of severe grumpiness and the waterfall descending from his lower lip. It seems like he's got such long time spans between getting teeth -- his first two came within two weeks of each other, then it was almost six months before he got two more. He got four more three months later, and it's been about six months since then. At this rate he'll be teething well into college.

At least nursing is done. It's odd, but I thought I would miss the nursing relationship because we had such a good one, and it was relatively easy, even with work. The truth is though, that it's kind of nice to not be quite so anal about what I eat, or what medications I'm taking. I suppose it was just the right time for both of us -- he weaned himself, so obviously it was time for him.

It's funny though, I remember the first six months after he was born (when I was exclusively breastfeeding), I'd look at him in awe that all his parts had been built from food I had eaten. It was so mind-blowing to me that I really was eating for two -- and my appetite certainly reflected that!

I wonder how much he'll grow in the next few months. Right now he's about 33 inches, and I'd guess about 25-26 pounds. Several people mentioned that you double their height when they're two, and that's an indication of their adult height. Well, if he doesn't get any taller by June, that would put him at 5'6" -- seeing as how I'm 5'11" and Steve is 6'1" I wonder about that. Of course, my prediction put me at 5'7," so maybe the genetic pattern for growth spurts is a little later than average. Obviously, we won't know until he stops growing, but sometimes I do wonder if his kidney problems early on affected his growth.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention this, but Jason is really starting to recognize various objects and graphical representations of things. I was reading a book to him (that he'd never seen before) and when I asked him to point to the bear, duck, kitty, frog, etc., and he did! I was so surprised, and I had no idea that he'd made that leap in cognition. I wouldn't have been quite as surprised if it had been a book that I read to him all the time, but these guys were drawn very differently from what he was used to seeing.

On other notes, we've decided to give baby-dancing another go next month. Since the miscarriage happened so early on, and this cycle has been normal otherwise, we don't need to wait any longer. I'm nervous about it -- what if it doesn't work right away? How will I deal with that kind of disappointment? What if, god forbid, I miscarry again? This one has ended up being so much harder emotionally than I expected, and the thought of ever having to go through it again is so frightening.

But, a friend pointed out that there is no point in putting energy there. It doesn't do me any good, it doesn't prevent the worst from happening if it's going to, and it leaves me less time to focus on the possibility that it will all be fine. Someone on my email list once posted that whenever she found herself thinking "What if this or that goes wrong?" she would try to insert "What if it all turns out okay?" instead. I've been trying to do this, and it does help, but I wish it were easier to let go.

Jen

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