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February 6, 2005
Well, sometimes life sucks..........I was driving to Philly yesterday to celebrate my daughter and son's birthday's at my Moms when I started to not feel too good. We stopped at a rest stop, and all of a sudden I felt something drop and immediately felt wet. I went into the bathroom, where I was faced with ALOT of blood and a mass in the toilet, I had one other mass once we got to my Mom's and pretty light bleeding ever since. To say I am devistated is an understatement. I was already looking so forward to the birth of the baby that I only found out about 4 days earlier. This was my fourth pregnancy, the first one I lost. I am in TOTAL shock....this was supposed to be a nice pregnancy, ending in a little brother or sister for the kids. This was to be my last baby...the end of my family. I am beside myself. They say you have to lose something to realize how much you really wanted it, and now I truly believe and understand that. Hopefully within the next couple of months I will be giving you good news again. This time a planned and very wanted baby.......that's what I am praying for. Please everyone pray for my family...I am going through so many emotions right now, I just don't know how to react. Physically I am a little crampy, but I feel completely drained and exhausted. I wish I just knew what to expect to go through...this was probably the most unexpected thing to ever happen to me.Somehow I never let the thought that I may not be holding a baby in 8 months enter my mind. I know I'm babbling...but I really don't know how to express what I am feeling.
Well I'm gonna go finish watching the Super Bowl....GO EAGLES......I have been waiting for them to make it for so long,,,,just wish I could enjoy it more....
Janis and Kayla....my big girl
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