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September 23, 2002
Where to begin.
I guess I will start by giving some background information. At my last OB appointment (August 20th) I had a discussion with my doctor about birth control. He asked me what I was currently using and I told him I was still taking the pills he had prescribed at my last visit (6 weeks after Josh was born). He asked me if I was still breast feeding and I told him, no that I had stopped at 13 months. He gave me a new prescription for pills because he said once you stop breast feeding the ones I was taking were not as effective. I didn't think much of that conversation at the time and went on my way to get my perscriptions filled (he had wanted me to start taking prenatal vitamins too because we want to start TTC in a few months).
I figured I would finish off my cycle with the pills I was already taking and then start the new prescription at the beginning of my next cycle. When I went to take my pill that evening, I noticed the big sticker that said "If you are pregnant do not take this pill". I got to thinking that since these pills were not as effective when you are not breast feeding, there is the posibility that I could be pregnant (not likely because I wasn't near the middle of my cycle yet, but better safe than sorry). So, I stopped taking those pills mid cycle and just avoided DTD on those fertile days.
On Monday I started to think that I should have started AF by now. I haven't been traking my days so I got out the calendar and realized that I was on day 36. My cycle is usually between 28 to 30 days so, I thought that was strange but still did not think I was PG. Just to be sure I bought a PG test at the market on my way home and tested first thing Tuesday morning.
Well, to my surprise, it was positive! No doubt about it that second line was as bold as it could be! I was shocked because I was sure I wouldn't get PG without the assistance of clomid and I really thought we had missed the fertile days. Still, I was on cloud nine! My DH was still asleep and had no idea about any of this. I got in the shower and started to think of some cleaver way to give him the news. I ended up being so excited and anxious that I just crawled into bed with him and told him that we were going to have a baby. We both held each other and talked about how great it would be to complete our family. This was good news!
I had about 24 hours to just love the idea and then it started to happen. I started spotting. I was only slightly concerned about this at first because I spotted for several weeks when I was PG with my Son and everything turned out fine, but by Thursday morning it wasn't just spotting anymore. I was bleeding. it was about the same amount of blood as a regular period, in fact if I had not already taken the test I would have thought I had started my period. I called the doctor right away and he had me come right over for an ultra sound. Since I hadn't done anything but a home PG test, they did a pregnancy test first. The nurse came in and told me that the test did come out positive, but it was a very faint line. I knew then that I was losing the PG because the line had been so bold for me just 2 days prior. The doctor did the ultra sound and we saw a yolk sac, but it was flat and he said it did not look good. He told me that he believed I was having a miscarriage, but that if I wanted to be 100% sure they would need to draw blood and do an HCG test. I wanted to do that so I could be sure. They drew some blood then and I went back today for another blood test. I will have the results tomorrow by 10:00 am, but I have been bleeding pretty heavily and cramping all weekend, so I am sure I already know what the results will be.
I am sad and disappointed, but I have to say that I didn't have much time to get excited about the whole thing. Within 24 hours of knowing I was PG I was finding out that I wasn't. I am glad that I didn't wait to tell John. It would have been a shame to have to tell him we were PG and I was miscarrying at the same time.
I keep thinking that if it had to happen, I am glad it happened early on. The longer I had to get attached to that little one, the harder it would have been to let go.
So, we have decided to wait a couple of months and start trying again for our next baby. We had originally wanted to wait until Josh was 2 years old before we tried again, but we were both very happy about this pregnancy and it really opened our eyes to how ready we are for another one.
I will keep you posted on the results of the HCG test, but as I said I believe I already know what the results will be.
Thanks for reading,
Janet
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