Heather R.'s Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 11/30/01 -------------------- 10/25/01 6/21/01 5/10/01 4/8/01 3/30/01 3/23/01 3/15/01 3/7/01 2/27/01 2/20/01 2/12/01 1/29/01 1/17/01 1/1/01 12/27/00 12/19/00 12/1/00 11/13/00 -------------------- Heather R.'s Introduction

January 17, 2001

Hello Everyone …

The past two weeks have been difficult. I’m stuck at a point in my life where change is necessary – both John and I know this. I am no longer happy working a 9 to 5 kind of job. While I haven’t really enjoyed working per se, I’m at the point where I really despise the job I have.

When I left Southern California for Portland, I left behind a great group of people at work. They shared two pregnancies, a husband’s university schedule and my own dreams of writing professionally. While my job is still essentially the same, leaving them has made all the difference in how I perceive the actual work.

To make matters worse, the first office I worked in up here was horrible. My decision to continue nursing was met with open animosity, although I’m glad to say I persevered. My supervisor was nice to me, but unable to manage the office. It was nothing short of hellish there. A few times I would end up driving home in tears – stuck between wanting my friends back in Bakersfield, and not wanting to leave my new home.

Then, last month, a position came open in a nearby office. I immediately applied and got the job. I started in mid-December. I have much more work, but love the fact that I am always kept busy. My supervisors are not pushovers, and they really seem to like me and appreciate the work I do. And the other people I work with are, for the most part, great.

So, what’s the problem then, right?

I’ve changed. Somehow, doing something drastic like moving a 1000 miles, writing a screenplay and entering it into a contest, and actively pursuing writing has changed me. It isn’t enough to have a job that is simply OK. I’ve got to have one that is perfect.

I probably sound whiny. Maybe I am, I don’t know. I’ve never for a moment believed that I had to sacrifice my happiness for the sake of my family’s. I’ve managed along pretty well so far, just balancing my wants and needs and their wants and needs. It now seems that the two may collide in the very near future. What I want is to quit my job, stay at home and probably go back to school in the fall. Oh yes, and just one more thing: I want to write all the time. But responsibility dictates another course of action, and that is to stay put, earn the paycheck and the benefits that come with it, and smile on. After all, I should be grateful, right?

I’m not. Most people don’t have a burning, insatiable desire to do one thing and one thing only. The ones that do, I think, must by necessity follow their hearts. I’m not sure that there is much of a choice to be had, responsibilities or no.

John and I have a plan: John finds a good job, I quit mine and then cha-ching! I can stay home with the kids, work on my writing and then go to school in the fall to finish up my degree. I only hope we can carry it out before I really go insane at work.

Chloe and Ivan are both doing quite well. All four of Ivan’s molars are coming in at one time! Poor guy – he’s in real pain enough to necessitate a trip to the pediatrician (we thought he actually had an ear infection) and a few doses of prescription pain medication.

Chloe started a Creative Movement class today, and loved every minute. It was good to see her learning how to follow directions, and I’m hoping that by the end of the class in eight weeks, we’ll all have a better idea of how she’ll handle preschool.

I’m going to send in next week’s entry early, and hopefully I’ll be able to devote the entire thing to Chloe and Ivan. I hope everyone has a wonderful week.

Until next time,

Heather

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