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September 20, 2001
Wednesday 12th September…
Jay shook me awake at 7am this morning. He usually gets up with Pixie and leaves me to sleep-in a little bit, but this morning he came straight back down to the bedroom and shook me, saying, “Wake up. You’ve got to get up. There are planes flying into buildings in New York.”
I stumbled out of bed like in some surreal nightmare to watch the apocalyptic vision on the TV screen. Buildings on fire against the sunny blue sky of New York, smoke blanketing Manhattan, footage of planes flying directly into skyscrapers. It felt like the world had gone mad. We shivered and knew what it meant: the world was, or would soon be, at war.
We feel numb. I cry for the people of New York, and I pray for peace and healing. I can’t take Pixie to playgroup today, I am too disturbed, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I watch the television reports all day and night long. It has been a hard day to look after Pixie, although I hold her tighter than usual. As I go to sleep late that night I can’t erase from my mind the blood-chilling image of bodies hurtling out of skyscraper windows. Will our world ever be the same again?
I pray that all our American friends are safe and coping.
Thursday 13th September…
I wake up feeling exhausted, and deeply disturbed. Still in shock over the events in America. But I force myself to take Pixie to Tiny Tots gym class. If I don’t get out of the house I will spend the entire day watching the television reports again, and I don’t know if I can take much more of it.
Gym was good. It really took my mind of the plight of the world. Pixie is making some real little friends in gym class which greatly pleases me. One gorgeous little Asian girl, Joey, always wants Pixie to follow her around, and she often calls across the room to Pixie. They follow each other around the apparatus, copying each other and playing secret little games, it’s very cute. I find myself wondering if Pixie will be a popular kid? She has a kind of “buzz” around her, an energy, a sense of action, that other kids don’t seem to have.
Friday 14th September…
We are no longer getting all-day coverage of the “Attack on America.” Some stations have resumed normal viewing. I still find myself compelled to flip around trying to find the latest news. The news today makes me cry fresh tears. They are interviewing people looking for loved-ones. They carry photos in their hands and they cry as they tell us who they look for: husbands, mothers, fathers, brothers, fiancees. So many families have been torn apart. One woman has lost her husband. She has two young daughters. Her husband doesn’t usually work at the Trades Centre but was called there for a meeting. She knows he’s dead. She cries as she tells us she doesn’t know how she will face Christmas eve and Christmas morning without him. I spend a great part of the day crying for her. I remember what it’s like to look into a future that should be happy but is full of untold sorrow. Tomorrow happens to be the 22nd anniversary of my father’s death.
Saturday 15th September…
Wake up to the most beautiful spring day. Warm, sunny, endless blue skies. It is sheer relief after the tension of the past few days. I remember to say a prayer for all the children who have lost loved ones in America, as I remember my own day of horror 22 years ago. I was only eleven years old when my beloved father died of a sudden heart-attack one Saturday afternoon, on this day in 1979. The grief was like a nightmare and took many, many, many years to heal. I know thousands of people are living through their own personal nightmare right now, across the other side of the world. I feel for them, and send out a prayer for the strength to cope.
But the warm day is too beautiful to be denied. Jay, Pixie and I head out early. There is a spring festival on in Canberra. One of Canberra’s most beautiful parks has been planted with thousands and thousands of spring bulbs, so we head there this warm spring morning to enjoy the festivities. The park is a vision in the shimmering spring sunshine. Fields of colour greet the eye. There are marquees everywhere, with makeshift cafes and stalls and gift shops. The park is dotted with jumping castles for the kids, and a ferris wheel for a spectacular view of the blooms. There is a tea pavilion, a very cute garden gnome display, a delicious stall of hot sugared nuts, and the park is simply buzzing with sunshine and colour and activities. We have a divine time, and for once Pixie was relatively subdued in the pram, watching all the goings on. We tried a multi-coloured hat on her head in one of the marquees and the girl shouted and screamed when we tried to get it off her. So we had to buy it. It was strange because she usually HATES hats and refuses to wear them. Now I suspect we’ll have trouble peeling this one OFF her stubborn curly-head. But with the warm sunny weather finally reappearing it’ll be a relief if she wears a hat. All other sane, normal children wear them!
Sunday 16th September…
Another glorious spring day. Spring isn’t usually my favourite time of year, but this year I am really soaking it up. We spend a good portion of the day in our yard, tidying up the beds and paths, weeding, turning the soil in preparation for spring planting. Pixie eats the dirt! It’s horrible and she doesn’t seem to enjoy it much but she swallows nonetheless. She’s just one of ‘those’ kids!! I hope she doesn’t get sick from it, god knows what’s in it: cat wee, cat poop, compost…eugh!
Anyway, later in the afternoon I sprawled out in the sunshine on a picnic rug and watched Jay and Pixie kick a soccer ball up and down our backyard. It was one of those perfect moments of family life, on a perfect spring afternoon, in our wonderful backyard. I had a cup of coffee, a packet of chocolate jubes, and I lay back and watched my little Pixie run up and down squealing. She LOVES to run. It is so exciting to have a backyard to play in. This must be the first spring in about 10 years that we’ve had a backyard. I can’t wait to get Pixie some outdoor toys: a trike, a swing set, a sandpit. And Jay is thinking he might just set up a soccer goal at the bottom of the grassy slope in our yard so he and Pixie can play ball. She LOVES kicking the ball around! She’s a very physically-active kid.
I’ve just found out my family are coming to visit later in the week. They’re travelling up to Canberra on the train (it’s an 8 hour journey), and should arrive late Friday evening. We’re very excited. I love having house-guests, and we haven’t seen my family since Easter. It’ll be excellent for Pixie too...lots of attention from adoring fans! But we’re now busy, busy, busy in preparation.
Tuesday 18th September…
These beautiful warm spring days just keep on coming. Spring is the last season I’ve to experience in this new city, and so far I’d have to say it’s spectacular. The air is so clean here, it’s pure country air. It sparkles and shimmers in the spring sunshine, and when the sky is blue it stays blue all day long. It’s simply heavenly, and on days like this (and in light of recent world events) I thank God I’m alive.
I haven’t been writing much about Pixie in these entries, I know, but what can I say? She’s gorgeous, she’s talking non-stop, she growing more and more beautiful as her ringlets grow longer and wilder, and she is great fun to hang out with, most of the time. Mind you we can no longer take her shopping. She simply will not sit in her pram for long, insists on getting out, and then she runs really fast in any direction she pleases. She has no idea that she could lose us, and usually one of us has to run flat-out to keep up with her so she doesn’t get lost. It’s more than a little bit scary. It’s a flat-out surveillance job just to keep her out of danger.
But she’s growing more and more affectionate, asking for cuddles all the time. I’ll often hear her call to me, “MUM-meeeeeee, cuddle.” It’s very cute, but she’s also a tad manipulative and when she wants to get to the bench to swipe something she’ll ask for a cuddle, and then wriggle to reach what she wants from the bench the minute we pick her up.
Her imaginative word has really taken off in the past few months. Last night she found a pot in the cupboard and fed Jay and I imaginary bits of banana and apple from it. And she loves dressing up and is forever finding hats and shoes and pants to put on and strut around in. I love this development, I think there’s nothing more enjoyable than sitting down and watching a child engrossed in imaginary play.
And she’s started to sing. Jay and I have sung the same goodnight song to her everyday since she was about 3 months old, and now she’ll try and sing along with us. It’s hilarious as she’s always a second or two behind and she drags those words out so they’re long and slow. When we sing “goodnight, sleep tight,” she’ll bellow out “niiiight.” When we sing “dreams sweet dreams for you,” she’ll bellow out “yooooouuuuuuuuuuuu”…it’s very, very cute!
Anyway, I’m going to post this hotch-potch entry now. I’m busy gearing up for our house-guests who’ll arrive Friday evening, and we’re starting to get very excited. I sincerely hope all our American friends are safe and well, and know that here in Australia we are praying and hoping for you all. I haven’t been to my board for days and days and days, I am once again plagued by computer troubles, it’s taking about 10 minutes to load up each page so my movements in cyber-space are exCRUCiatingly slow. My computer is even crashing when I try and collect my email, so god know what the hell’s wrong with it….I’m worried it might be in it’s death throes. Cross your fingers for us and bare with me,
Much love to all,
Eloise and Pixie Bella.
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