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August 2, 2001
Thursday 8th February, 2001.
Man alive, does anyone else out there suffer from days of EXTREME boredom looking after their toddler? God, somedays I just feel so incredibly BORED by the end of the day that I'd consider chopping my little fingers off for fun! Take today for example, Jai left for work at 8:15, and just arrived home at 5:15….that makes for 9 hours of pixie-duties, minus 1 ¼ hours when she slept! Now during that time I am not allowed to do ANYTHING except play with pixie. The child does not let me read, even a magazine, does not let me watch TV, unless it's one of her videos or a kids show. She doesn't let me on the computer without bugging me to hit all the keys and send me hurtling into the nether-regions of cyber-space. About the only "me" thing I'm allowed to do is drink cups of tea and eat, as long as I share my food her. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind a bit of a play with my girl: a bit of a wrestle, a bit of a chase, a push around on her car, reading a couple of books, a few nursery rhymes, BUT NOT 7 ¾ HOURS OF IT A DAY!!!! MY GOD, I'M GOING NUTSO!!!!!!!
Today, Jai took out one and only car to work so I was stranded at home, car-less. I decided we weren't brave enough to tackle the unreliable bus service out here in suburbia, so I settled in for a day at home; no outings whatsoever. MISTAKE! BIG MISTAKE!!! At the end of one loooooooooong day at home I feel so bored that I'm sure big chunks of my brain are rotting. I mean, I never expected SAHM'hood to be full of spine-tinglingly excitement, but jeez, I've never had such dull days in my entire life. I mean, where's the intellectual stimulation? Where's the challenge? Where's the exciting new ideas to ponder? Where's the thrilling companionship? Where's the new things to see and do each day?
God I'm bored! I am so bored that I've even contemplated taking up SEWING!!! ARGH!!!! Yesssssssssss, skin me alive, ME! The woman who is proud of the fact that she's reached 33 years of age without EVER lifting a needle to so much as darn a sock! But crikey, sewing might be the only pursuit my demanding toddler will let me pursue. But then again, she'd probably even stick her STICKY BEAK into that, and end up with puncture marks on her nostrils! HUMPH!
Now am I lacking in creative ideas? Or am I just the sort of person who will NEVER be stimulated by making up new and unusual activities for my toddler to do each day??? I dunno, maybe I'm just NOT CUT OUT for this at-home motherhood-gig, because the days seem awful long and mind-numbing to me! I mean I guess I could do some housework while my little one hovers around my feet; but bloody hell, if I'm forced to resort to housework for some entertainment then SHOOT ME THROUGH THE FOOT NOW and get me out of the combat zone, I'm not fit for duty! ARGH!!!
I've been working mightily hard at keeping some perspective to get me through the dull-days. I keep telling myself that I'm doing this for PIXIE, for her security and sense of self, NOT for my own amusement and stimulation. I mean, I want Pixie to grow up feeling like she can depend on me, like I'll always be there when she needs me. I want her to have the security of a mother who's constantly with her for the first 2-3 years of her life. I don't want her to ever look for me and not be able to find me, or her daddy, within calling distance. I guess it's my belief that having either me or her Daddy around 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, will help her grow into a strong, trusting, confident child, a child that feels protected and safe. But hells bells, I never knew the price might be my sanity!
I know, I know, I'm ranting and raving like a lunatic…but hey, I've gotta vent somewhere. I've been trying to keep our weekly schedule fairly busy, so I don't go crazy from boredom, but I'm starting to feel like a caged mouse on a wheel, like I'm just running and running, round and round, but it's not really getting me anywhere interesting. We go to playgroup, gym classes, I take the girl to the park and to the shops almost everyday….but I guess I'm realising that even though that keeps us occupied, it still doesn't offer much in the way of intellectual stimulation for mummy dearest!
Oh well, I feel a bit better for spewing forth that tirade. During my calmer moments I know I'm not the only SAHM going crazy with boredom, and I also know that my days at home, entertaining a toddler, won't last forever, and that if I stick it out, it'll pay off big time when I have a secure and self-confident SCHOOL-GIRL on my hands. In the meantime, it's often a case of one day at a time and COME ON DOWN WEEKENDS!!!!!!!
Okay, that's enough crapping on for one day. I'm gonna post this now, simply because I CAN! I might even write again in a day or two, and fish out some old photos to attach. Depends how BRAIN-DEAD I am by then…HA!
Love to all my fellow-sufferers out there,
Eloise, firing on half-a-cylinder.
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