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Home › Diaries › Eloise › February 14, 2001

Eloise's Diary Entries

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February 14, 2001

Wednesday February 14th, 2001.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Hope you're all smelling the roses today ladies (the roses your hubby's have lavished on you I mean!). Strange as it is, a blood-red rose bush in the back of our garden just burst into bloom yesterday, so I'm going to cut a rose for Jai and drape it over a rich chocolate mud cake I bought for him (*sigh* my days of chocolate mud-cake BAKING seem to be over, no time I'm afraid!)…so we'll have a chocolate eating frenzy tonight, and I might fossick in a box or two for all the Valentine's cards of years gone past and pull them all out. Other than that I guess we're too old and jaded and tired and exhausted to find much time for romance these days…having been together 11 years I guess Jai and I have settled into a quiet companionship somewhat lacking in the fiery red passion that Valentine's Day seems to celebrate. Bloody hell, anyone'd think we were seventy years old the way I'm crapping on….ha! Sorry to ruin your romantic mood…double ha!

I can't chat for long this week, I'm saving all my literary-abilities (...'time' that should read) for a long letter I promised to write to my friends in Melbourne, so I'll just stop in for a second and then be on my way. Little Pixie-pooh is a touch sick today…she had her MMR immunisation last week and she's got the forewarned slight fever and a good dose of lethargy today. I kinda like it when my little dynamo is sick, she spends a lot of time cradled on my lap and barely moving…ahhhhhh, tis sweet indeed to have such loooooong cuddles!

Other than that we're just chugging along. Had a day-from-hell yesterday. I seem to be served one of them a week these days… *sigh* … The night before Pixie woke up at 3am and refused to be placated for an hour and a half. The next morning we went to playgroup, only to come home thoroughly exhausted to find my little munchkin REFUSES to have a much needed nap. She was exhausted, I was exhausted, and I tried to rock her to sleep on three separate occasions to no avail. She was whingey, grumpy, demanding, and I wished the ground would open up and swallow me JUST SO I COULD GET A MOMENT TO MYSELF. In the end I could do nothing more than crawl into bed for a nap, leaving HRH in front of a tele-tubbies video for an hour. By the time Jai arrived home I was an over-tired, frustrated mess: crying, pulling big chunks of my hair out, feeling rather violent, and entertaining visions of throwing a chair through a window to appease my intense exhaustion and frustration. Somedays looking after a toddler (or baby for that matter) has to be THE HARDEST MOST FRUSTRATING JOB IN THE WORLD…and the worst bit is you get no pat on the back at the end of a hard day, no bonus in your pay-check, no day-off to compensate…zip, zilch, zippo, NOTHING. Just a husband who's worried you're on the brink of a nervous breakdown (perceptive eh?), and an over-tired whingey child who has NO IDEA you have needs of your own.

For some reason I'm finding SAHM-hood more taxing and exhausting than ever before. I hope this phase passes soon, because some days it's all I can do to keep my droopy eyelids open and remain upright until Jai makes it home. My body is bone-crunchingly exhausted, my brain is so under-utilised it's going NUMB, and I find myself wishing away the days. Call me a whinger, call me ungrateful, call me whatever-names-you-will, but these days I'm finding my life as a stay-at-home-mum as dull as dishwater and as exhausting as a marathon! IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?????

Oh well, hopefully next time I write things will have improved and I will have something interesting to report. Until then, stay happy and healthy everyone,

Love Eloise, strangely discontent.







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