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October 21, 2001
Life at our household has returned to normal since the attacks. Fortunately, no one in our families has been directly affected. I sat one night reading about the families that were torn apart by the tragedy, and I just sat there and sobbed. I am normally not an emotional person, but to see vibrant people, sometimes entire families, dead because of what happened, I had to dig my fingernails into my eyes, and try to control myself. I don’t why I felt it was necessary to torment myself with other people’s grief, other than that maybe it was a way for me to feel like I was doing something. I am sure those who died would not have wanted to be forgotten, and they won’t be.
So, where in the alphabet did I leave off? I guess “C” is for clothes. I am obsessed with buying clothes for Alexandria. I guess it partially stems from the fact that I didn’t have the coolest clothes in grade school, junior high, and high school. In the early years, a lot of it came from the resale shop. I was ridiculed for not being “cool” and I am going to do my damned to help Alexandria avoid the same fate. I want her to fit in, in a way that I never could.
I love to go online at night, and I surf to a couple favorites of mine. I love Old Navy. I buy from them the most. I also like Gap (they have the best quality, but are a little pricier). I also liked Osh Kosh when Alexandria was younger, but not as much now. I have also done some buying from Hanna Andersson, and I know everyone raves about them, so I bought a ton of stuff from them. Al said it was the ugliest stuff he’d ever seen. He told me how I usually did a bang up job of dressing Alexandria cute, but that I dropped the ball on that one. I have to admit he was right. If you took off the high price tag, well, some of the clothes is downright tacky. Some of the clothes are really, really, really great though. I love their striped pajamas, as well as some of their long sleeved t-shirts. However, I don’t think there will be purchases from them in the future, unless they’re having a huge sale. LOL
Honestly, I think Alexandria has more clothes than I do, and I don’t mean total pieces in her entire life. I mean, just this season. I find myself saying, “Oh that’s cute!” And I put it in the virtual shopping cart, then I forget about it. I come back a few weeks later, it’s still there, but cheaper. And before you know it, I’ve bought the original, plus a few other things. Sometimes (oh, this is bad!) I buy something that isn’t even in her size, knowing she’ll wear it in the future. The worst offense is the 5T outfit I bought her from Baby Gap. I must be sick.
I do without for myself, though. I recently went shopping for clothes for school, and those were the first clothes that I bought since a pair of jeans right after I delivered Alexandria. I do need more clothes, but I am okay with what I have. I really haven’t bought much since I was pregnant. I spent most of my money on baby toys and other goodies. Being a mommy has changed my priorities, in a good way!
Now, let’s see…what have a left out…we visited my parents and my brother a few weeks ago, and I got to see my sister (and my brother-in-law and nephew). My father immediately started railing on me for not taking Alexandria to church. He and my mom are Alexandria’s Godparents. My dad was really getting into it. He was practically yelling to Alexandria, “Your mommy is a sinner!” And he kept repeating that phrase, at least 5 times in a row. I am not joking. I was starting to get angry, and I made a comment about “As if you go to church.” He said something about how he listened to the church services on the radio. As if that’s the same. What a hypocrite. I was quite angry, and when he saw that, he started in on it more. Then he made a comment about “I can see it’s bothering you, you know you’re wrong, and you’re a sinner.” Okay, thanks, Dad. I get the picture. And I am aware my excuses are weak. But, badgering me is NOT the way to get to change. If anything, it only made me less likely to go. I don’t see myself making any more visits in the near future. I look forward to Thanksgiving. (Rolling my eyes here.)
However, my sister and her family were wonderful. My nephew (he’s 15 or 16) was playing with Alexandria, and she just had so much fun with him and my brother-in-law. I was impressed. They played with her, and paid attention to her, she was just so happy. I though she would be pretty much ignored, but I was pleasantly surprised. My brother, on the other hand, was always trying to get Alexandria to come to him, but she was wary of strangers. And a couple of times he picked her up, and tried to force her to like him, but that wasn’t happening. Maybe if he played with her, she may have taken to him, but I imagine my brother wasn’t interested in that.
Other than that, the visit was okay. Alexandria loved my sister’s dogs. One did nip her, she was hugging him too tightly. She didn’t suffer any ill effects from it. They are little dogs, anyway. I can’t spell their names, and I don’t even want to try. *Grin*
Okay, I think that brings everyone up to speed on Alexandria. She has been a terror lately, and I am going to ask for some advice from veteran moms next week. I hope someone can help us, because some days I am at my wit’s end, and I don’t see her but for about 5-6 hours a day!
Candace and Alexandria
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