Candace W.'s Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 12/26/02 -------------------- 10/27/02 9/29/02 9/10/02 9/1/02 8/18/02 8/12/02 6/29/02 4/14/02 3/18/02 3/3/02 1/11/02 12/21/01 12/4/01 11/20/01 11/13/01 10/21/01 9/12/01 9/5/01 8/29/01 8/22/01 8/6/01 7/24/01 7/16/01 7/3/01 6/26/01 6/11/01 6/3/01 5/1/01 4/22/01 4/9/01 3/6/01 3/1/01 2/19/01 2/15/01 2/6/01 2/4/01 1/24/01 1/15/01 1/9/01 1/1/01 12/26/00 -------------------- Candace W.'s Introduction

August 29, 2001

I suppose I ought to have another entry for this week, so I will see how good this little handheld organizer is at the job...(answer: not too good! LOL)


This has been one of those weeks for Daddy. I think he is beginning to realize how hard it is for someone to care for a toddler. I think he thought it was all play, with me reading, napping, playing with her, and in general having just a jolly time with her and not really doing much in terms of work. Ha! A toddler is all about work, right? I think he forgot about tantrums, about the need to sneak in work when you *get* a chance (which is somewhere between seldom and never), preparation of meals that she will eat (which almost always differ from what you want to feed her, or what you want to eat, unless it's McDonald's), and all of the other things us long suffering mothers have an intimate knowledge of.


I think it’s hard for him to realize that everything is not going to be as easy as it was for him, because he now has to take care of Alexandria, instead of just going to work.


I had the bedtime thing figured all out, I would give her a bath, nurse her, and put her in the crib, sometimes awake, and sometimes not. However, with moving and all of the upheaval, trying to get everyone into a schedule and whatnot, Alexandria’s bedtime kept getting later and later, and Daddy wound up rocking her to sleep, she started sleeping in our bed, and eventually it got to the point where Alexandria would still be awake at 11:00 pm, and crawling all over us, when we were trying to sleep.


Straightening this out has been a mess. And it’s still not fixed. (Guess who gets to fix it?) I give her her bath, I nurse her, and I put her in the crib, and she just hollers now. Yesterday, daddy had to take Alexandria out and cuddle her, and he tried to get her to go to sleep in the bed, but she started crawling all over him. He eventually got frustrated, and put her in the crib. (Let the screaming begin.)


Tonight, he promised not to rescue her, and that was that. I put her in the crib after the usual bedtime ritual, and she was angry. I feel horrible about letting her cry it out. It’s just awful, the gut wrenching feeling in the bottom of my stomach. However, I thought we were past that, she had been going to bed peacefully (mostly) for months before that, and that was what I considered one of my (few!) successes.


So, the next thing that is coming is weaning. After I get the sleep thing all worked out, I will cut out the morning feeding. I really want to not wear a nursing bra. I love the nursing relationship, and I know I will feel sad when she doesn’t nurse any longer, but I think it’s time to reclaim my boobs. I said I would stop nursing after a year (“It’s gross to nurse longer than that!” is what I said) but 1 year came and went, and I didn’t want to stop. So, we kept going. And going and going...I think I will set the goal of having her completely weaned by December. I want to go to the Christmas family gathering without a toddler attempting to have a snack in front of everyone. I’ve never nursed in front of anyone other than my immediate family (and a few unfortunate friends that stayed too late LOL) and I’m not interested in the gawking that will surely take place. If Alexandria were younger, I wouldn’t care, and if I really wanted to continue, I would...blah, blah, blah. You get the picture. I feel like I am making excuses, but the bottom line is, she almost weaned now (down to twice a day) and to have my body back (and the ability to do whatever I please with it) is just too luxurious to contemplate. Either way...soon.


Then there’s the TA position. Rumor has it, that I do have one, now if only they would share with me what it is, and when it is, then everything would be fantastic. I do manage to keep pretty busy during the two days I have off, and I was getting rather accustomed to that. It gives me time to study and read the textbook, and I have plenty of time to check email, write email, and screw around (a little). Now I’ll be throwing something else in there, and I am not sure I like it. As if I have a choice!


Last, for the alphabet soup thing, I wanted to do something creative with this diary, so this is it! A is for Alexandria...which was almost Julia. When I found out I was pregnant, I really was hoping for a boy, while Al was hoping for a girl. I wanted a boy, because then he could be a great big brother to any future little girls, and it just seemed logical. Then, midway through the pregnancy, I changed my mind.


I just absolutely had to have a little girl, to dress up in dresses, buy dolls for, and love to pieces. If the baby were a boy, we would name it after Al, because it’s a family name (though I am beginning to rethink this one, which would just devastate Al). And if it were a girl...Julia something. (As an aside, when I mentioned this to my Dad, he ridiculed it. So, I never told him our new choice when we made it. Nyah, nyah!)


Al and I both agreed on that, but I just couldn’t seem to find a good middle name to go with that, and our last name. I looked up names, scouring the internet, looking at popular choices and then came across Alexandria. I found the middle name much the same way: Katherine. It seemed to go so well together, an elegant first name that could be suitable for a little girl, and a woman. And it wasn’t one of those trendy names that I wasn’t really into, and it wasn’t too common or too popular (so I thought at the time, LOL), and it sounded so good. And Katherine (with a K, dammit, which was something else my Dad ripped on) because I didn’t like how the “c” looked, and I liked the sound of the initials better.


In short, I wanted something that embodied what I felt my name wasn’t. My first name isn’t feminine, it’s harsh sounding, and begins with a hard sound. The meaning is pretty enough, but the name is not. It’s not common, but can be shorted to “Candy” which just isn’t me, as anyone who knows me will attest to. Al said when he met me, I didn’t sound like a Candace, but he later changed his mind. Apparently, by that time, he knew me long enough to realize I’m just as bad as my name sounds! I have, from time to time, contemplated changing my name, but I’ve really no ideas to what. If anyone has any ideas, post on my board, it will be fun! That’s not saying I’ll actually change it, but it’s still something amusing!


Well, this is just monstrous, so I’ll cut it off here! Tune in next Wednesday for the letter B, and what that entails!


Candace and Alexandria