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October 28, 2003
First of all, thanks to everyone who posted advice, their own stories, or just a pick me up on my TTM board. I am happy to say that I did manage to get some sleep and that has made a huge difference in my fraying mental state. Unfortunately for me, if I am going to get more sleep it is by going to be by going to bed earlier, since I will always be up with Ella at 6-ish. And while I don’t mind an early bed time, it does then cut into my studying time, so there is a trade off. The state I had worked myself into, the sleep was more then worth it, but with school being so busy there will always be work to keep me up, or at least leave me feeling guilty/anxious if I leave it so I can get to bed. It’s definitely an on-going balancing act but so are most people’s lives, I guess. In any case, while I am definitely still anxious and overwhelmed at times, it is not as pervasive or unsettling as it was, and for that I am very grateful and very hopeful…
Establishing rank?
Ella’s relationship with our dog, Coco, continues to be volatile. Despite Coco’s being a sweet, friendly, patient dog, Ella has never really warmed up to her as much as I would have liked. Right now I suspect that, as Ella matures and attempts to put the world around her into it’s proper ‘place’, she is feeling a certain competition with Coco. Without spending too much time comparing my daughter (and our family) to our closest related primates, I have to admit I make this conjecture based on the old movies they used to show us in school about Jane Goodall and the time she spent with the Chimpanzees. I remember all the focus that was put on the adolescent monkeys fighting with each other as they matured and established where they stood in the hierarchy of the tribe. Starting with the lowest ranking monkeys (usually some old grandmother Chimp), they would continuously start fights until the individual gave in, and surrendered themselves without a battle every time the younger monkey would try to start something. The adolescent would do this with higher and higher ranking members of the tribe until he established his position (when he couldn’t beat the next ranked member). Recently, watching Ella with Coco, I am reminded of those maturing chimps. I think that in Ella’s little mind Coco is higher ranked then she is, and she is determined to beat this poor dog and thus out rank her in the family hierarchy. Lately it really seems as though Ella has been more competitive, jealous, and demanding of Coco then is necessary. Furthermore, I have to say that, while not openly opposing her, it is clear that so far Coco still seems to be up in the air as to whether or not she will give in accept Ella in a higher roll.
Crazy? Well…. Maybe, but you be the judge:
She is constantly trying to get Coco to do her ‘commands’. It is very cute to watch. She will attempt to use the stern, brisk ‘dog command’ voice that Jamie and I use when we are ordering Coco to “Sit, stay, get down” etc. Unfortunately for Ella, no matter how hard she tries, there is no way that her voice will be anything but a cute little chirp. Maybe for this reason, or maybe just because she doesn’t want to, Coco completely ignores all of Ella’s commands, even if she has just done the exact same ‘trick’ for me only a moment earlier. It drives Ella bananas-- she will screech out the order over and over “Sit Coco. Sit Coco! SIT Coco! SIT COCO!” getting more and more hysterical in her attempts, but never making any ground.
She is very competitive with Coco about all things, but especially food. Case in point, the other day we were going for a walk with Coco and Ella wanted a snack, so I started rustling through her diaper bag. When I triumphantly pulled out a bag of Chocolate Teddy Grams, I thought she would be thrilled. Instead, before even batting an eye at me, she turns and very sternly barks out “NO Coco! My Teddy Grams” Mind you, not only was Coco not going after the treat, she wasn’t even looking at us but was sniffing a nearby tree. This happens a lot, if Coco is in the dining room when Ella is eating a meal, if she is sitting on my lap having a snack, or even sometimes with Ella’s toys, which Coco very rarely even acknowledges.
But if I really had to sum up Ella’s relationship with Coco in on phrase, it would be passive-aggressive. As mentioned above, she is always quick to guard her food from Coco’s hungry eyes. But very often, even as she is snapping out directives at the dog she is very deviously dangling her hand, barely bitten cracker in it, inches from Coco’s nose. Other times she will pretend like she is giving Coco a great big hug, but will actually lay on her, putting all of her weight on this 27 lb dog, and causing Coco to desperately scramble away. She is also a great big tattle tale with the dog, often complaining to me “No, Coco, stop sniffing me! Coco’s boddering me!!”
Finally, every time she goes up to Coco she begins to pound her chest and make screeching and grunting noises. Okay, that last one was made up, but still….
I also have to say that I fear she doesn’t do any of these things with our cat, Xena, because she considers herself hopelessly beneath Xena on the hierarchy and not even close enough to consider surpassing her. Sigh… I don’t even like that cat that much…
All of this watching Ella and Coco together has made me glad that it is only Coco, and not some poor unfortunate sibling that was feeling the wrath of Ella’s snippiness. Over and over I hear parents proudly proclaim what wonderful siblings their little darlings will be. I, on the other hand, only sigh and am thankful we are not currently introducing her to a new sibling, as I think the transition would be less then smooth sailing.
This, however, is just about the only good thing about the fact that there is no second set of feet pitter-pattering around the house, with none on the way anytime soon. I would LOVE to have another baby sometime soon. This really isn’t an option if I want to finish my nursing school on time but it makes me so sad that sometimes I just want to go for it. I swear, sometimes when I hold other little babies, I think I can feel an aching in my womb. Blame it on Darwinism, I guess, with the types of mental and physical feelings I get, I have no doubt it is biologically programmed into me. But we will wait… sigh… unless, of course, fate leads us elsewhere (wink, wink—but not really, it just isn’t practical. Ug. Why do I have to be so practical!?!?)
Reading the manual again
Well, it seems that Ella has been studying her ‘How to be a Toddler’ manual again. Reading the diaries, and seeing other’s little ones, I find it so amazing that these children, that clearly are their own little individuals, trying to be as independent as possible, frequently show remarkably similar behaviors. Over and over again I find myself marveling at Ella’s latest feat, shaking my head and wondering “How do you do it? How do you know exactly how to be a toddler?” Her three latest developments:
Okay, this may be TMI for some people, and I know it will embarrass Ella down the road (isn’t that what mom’s are for) but I feel it merits recording since it’s just so TYPICAL. So here goes: Ella has been very into picking her nose lately. And not just picking it either. The little imp will dig out a hunk, look defiantly and mischievously straight at me and dangle her finger precariously over her open mouth—and if I don’t jump at her, in goes the treat. GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS. You might be able to tell I consider this about the nastiest thing she’s done to this point. I try not to make a big deal out of it—to let her know she is getting a rise out of me or that I think she is acting DISCUSTINGLY, but honestly, inside my stomach is turning every time. Trying to keep the desperation out of my voice, I redirect her treasure to a napkin or tissue. And, while we are constantly working on nose blowing (and she’s getting pretty good), I’ve also been trying to tell her that if she feels she MUST pick her nose (because all kids do, and I know I won’t be able to completely prevent it), to do so in the bathroom. Uh—so gross!!!!
On a much less nasty note, but still pretty messy, she has figured out how to blow bubbles in her milk. I guess this is a consequence of using a ‘big girl’ cup, and I know that her friends at school are all very into this trick. She is so proud of herself and would much rather do this then actually drink the milk. So not only does this distract her from drinking her milk, encourage general goofing off during meal time, but it also usually results in a big mess of milk on the table and her face. We are working on this behavior…
Finally, one last of the most dreaded, but most predictable toddler phases. Why? And not just one—why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Over and over, for the same questions, one’s that she knows the answer to. Often I will try to turn it around and have her answer the Whys?, but she’s not to keen on that. I think I just sigh and get used to this one, from what I hear it’s not going to go away any time soon….
As always, thanks for reading.
Bonnie
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