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September 17, 2003
School days, school days,
Well, after a wonderful summer filled with lots of traveling, visiting, exploring, relaxing and enjoying watching my girl blossom, it was certainly bittersweet when Labor day rolled around and I was revisited by the old feelings of ‘going back to school’ that I hadn’t felt in nearly ten years. I was looking forward to starting the program and actually working towards my Nurse Practitioner license but, yikes, I forgot what a lot of work school was. They didn’t waste any time piling on the assignments either, so the first week has been filled with lots of trying to get organized, figure out where my classes are, who the teachers are, who the students are, AND keep up with an immediate backload of chapters, papers, and quizzes. Well, I guess I better get used to it as this will be my life for at least three of the next five years…
After closing her school for a week, Ella returned to daycare as well, again in a new classroom. This is her third new classroom in four months—she is making her way through the rooms with lightning speed. She is now in the Rainbow room (kind of like the older toddlers) where she will probably be for the next two years, so she should be able to get nice and settled here. I am very glad of that, too, because this kid is begging for structure when it comes to her school schedule. We are still experience TERRIBLE separation anxiety when I drop her off at school. It starts in the car with her getting very quiet. Then as I am walking up to the center her grasp on me is like a vice. By the time we get in she has such a sad look on her face and I often have to pass her off to a teacher screaming. Often I leave in tears too. I just hate it and really hope that, once things get more established, she will be comfortable with everything and confident that we are coming to get her at the end of the day. The teachers assure me that she calms down quickly and does very well the rest of the day, playing with all the other kids, napping well and eating well.
Two year well baby—no, well toddler!
We had Ella’s two year well baby appt. the other day. She was a champ and declared ‘perfect’ by the Dr, and I was the proud mommy as always. She was right on track when he asked about running, jumping, etc. but I think she may be a little behind (or on the back side of the ‘normal’ curve is probably the best way to put it) in some gross motor skills things like throwing a ball overhand (she will do it but it rarely goes more then a foot or so, despite much repetition with both daddy and the dog) or taking her clothes off (she tries this too but gets tangled up and frustrated easily) or walking downstairs (she can do so in a pinch but still prefers to slide down on her bum or just be carried). She is way ahead in language—he asked if she had 50 words and I told him she must have hundreds—I could never count them, and she speaks in full, long (5-10 word) sentences, when the Dr. was asking about 2-3 word sentences. Her height was 33.5 (40% percentile) and her weight was 24 lbs 2 oz (20% percentile) so she is still somewhat of a peanut, but seems to have leveled off in terms of dropping percentiles (as she did in the past) so that makes me very happy—I used to stress to no ends about her growth but have been able to calm down about that lately.
No shots this appt, but she did have to get blood drawn so they could test her lead levels. She watched the whole thing and never flinched or cried or anything. She was on my lap and only after it was done did I realize how tense I had been. I tried hard to just be relaxed and act like it was no big deal, esp. since I know she can sense these things, but apparently this is still something I have to work on. As she usually is, she was just very subdued and refused to leave my lap through the Dr. appt and the blood work. If we asked her a question she would answer in a barely audible whisper. The Dr. will just have to take my word on the language development because he wasn’t getting much out of her.
Now no Dr. until next year. Sigh. Another sign of growth and maturity and the loss of my baby. I used to like going down there every few months or so (except for the shots), getting reassurance that everything is on track and that she is flourishing as well as she could. I guess they figure we know what we’re doing now—ha—or, more likely, that the little ones can just handle more variance then a baby.
Birthday Girl
Ella’s second birthday… sigh… another milestone, another wonderful year filled with joy, challenges, laughter, growing and an increased appreciation of the miracle that is my daughter. After all this time I have not lost any of the wonder that comes from watching her and the awe that she is mine.
Ella’s birthday was pretty low key. We made cupcakes for her to bring in to daycare with her. She also had a badge we have colored that said “I’m two years old”. I glued glitter around it, so she was pretty pumped and excited when she went into school that day. It was one of our easiest drop offs to date.
Her party was the next day, Saturday, and I am happy to report things went off pretty much without a hitch. We had nice weather, which helped a lot, and the menu was:
Appetizers: Tomatoes, Mozzarella, and Basil Salad (this was probably the platter I was most proud of, since the tomatoes were from my garden and I have never been much of a gardener in the past.)
Crackers and cheese (from my mom)
Dinner: Chicken and vegi shish-ke-bobs
Hamburgers (forgot to put out the cheese and tomatoes for toppings—oops)
Steak tips
Fresh local corn on the cob
Potato Salad (from Jamie’s mom)
Dessert: Birthday cake (Very pretty, if I do say so myself, even though we ended up just getting a ‘generic’ one from Shaws. It had clowns with balloons in opposing corners and pretty pastels. We also had ice cream but I forgot to put that out too—what a flake… oh, well!)
Ella had a great time. We had been building up the party for quite a while with her and making sure she knew just what to expect and look forward too (mostly cake and balloons) so she was pretty pumped. She did get kind of anxious at the beginning when everyone showed up at once. I don’t think she loves being the center of attention and defiantly needs time to ease into situations. But she quickly warmed up to everyone and was very friendly and happy. She opened all her presents (with help from me) and showed proper toddler excitement at the books, outfits, and stuffed animals she received. Whenever she saw something very exciting, she just screamed. Per my request, my mom got her a little kitchen set that she was very excited about when we set it up the next day.
Reflecting on Ella’s birthday
I’m sure that a child’s birthday is a time for reflection for all moms, and I am no different. Our situation is somewhat unique, however, in that when I think back to Ella’s birth on 9/12/01 and that time in my life it is over shadowed terribly by the terrorist attacks on our country that took place the day before. I feel selfish even saying this, since my trials pale so completely in comparison to the families of the victims of this attack, but I do so wish that her birthday wasn’t so closely intertwined with the worst tragedy in the history of the USA. When I think back to that day my feelings of joy and tenderness are always overshadowed by horror, fear, and the bleak disillusionment that colored our nation during those dark weeks when nobody knew what the future holds.
Similarly, I find myself torn when I just think about the attacks of 9/11, as I also remember those times as the days I first held my daughter, named her, and announced her to the world. Those days were so filled with newness and wonder that I felt separated from what everyone else was focused on, and like I wasn’t truly a part of what all of America was going through. The combination of the two events in my mind are so intertwined but at such polar opposites that I feel at a loss when I think back. Reminiscing always leaves me in tears but I can never completely know what, or for whom, I am crying about. It is hard, so I don’t spend as much time dwelling on either of those events as I sometimes feel I should.
9/17/03
This entry has taken me a nearly two weeks to write, so I apologize if it is somewhat jumbled. These first few weeks of school have been very busy as I adjust to this new life. I expect my entries may become more spread out then during my lazy heydays of summer, but I won’t forget about you!
As always, thanks for reading.
Bonnie
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