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July 15, 2003
Visiting Grandma and Grandda
This weekend we went up to Maine, where Jamie’s parents moved this spring. Jamie and I are so disappointed that they moved from the Cape. Not only was the Cape much closer, but it was very very convenient to be able to visit both sets of grandparents in one weekend. I understand that they found it too expensive to live on the Cape anymore, but I don’t think they had to move all the way to central Maine, about 3 ½ hours from us. Southern Maine is nearly as cheap and only 1 ½ hours from us. Plus, Jamie’s Dad had a summer job on the Cape that I am sure made up any difference in money they are saving in rent. But what is done is done, so we packed up the car and shlepped our way to Maine. I hate long car rides, even more so now that we have a toddler to worry about. Basically, it means that I insist on always driving all long trips at night, so we are nearly assured that Ella will sleep the whole time. She is good about that.
We ended up having a very nice, if low key weekend. There isn’t a heck of a lot to do in rural Maine, especially if you aren’t close to any water or hiking or anything. Grandma and Grandda’s place is nice, if small and modest. We took a nice long walk through the countryside, washed both cars (Ella was VERY cute helping to wash the cars), took a drive around the area, visited Jamie’s brother Mike for dinner and hung around a lot and relaxed.
Ella was, as usual, a doll for her grandparents. Jamie’s mom is very sweet with her. She completely took over one of my LEAST favorite duties “Keeping Ella fuss free on a long car ride” when we went to Uncle Mike’s house and did a great job of it. His dad also loves his “Little Angel” as he calls her and gives her lots of attention and praise. Ella was a dream, happy to go along with whatever was going on and to give affection and time to Grandma and Grandda and to show off all her tricks and her ever-expanding vocabulary including songs and counting to fifteen. Ella is very lucky to have two sets of grandparents that love her AND Jamie and I are lucky that we get along so well with both sets of in-laws.
I will say, however, that in terms of ‘gushing’ over a grandbaby, my mom and Mike have that all over Jamie’s parents. It is pretty extreme the differences to which my mom and Mike go overboard whereas Jamie’s folks do next to nothing in terms of customizing things for a visit. My mom, for instance, has basically converted a whole room of her house for our visits. This included buying a crib for the room and filling it with toys, a booster seat, food, diapers, extra binkies, even a stroller. You name it. It’s really great; we barely have to ‘load up’ when we are planning a trip to Nami’s. Just a couple changes of clothes, and often we don’t need those since when we get down there my mom has a few new outfits for her anyway. In my mom’s defense, like me she is a yard sale junkie and (aside from the crib and binkies) got almost everything from yard sales or gently used stores, so few things cost more then a buck or so. Mike, he is a different story, as I mentioned in my last entry. My mom is also SO SO generous when it comes to watching Ella. She always is happy and volunteers to watch her for a few hours so Jamie and I can get away to play tennis or see a movie when we are visiting and who can forget the fact that she kept Ella for nearly five days when Jamie and I went to Vegas. My mom also makes a trip to Boston specifically to see Ella every few months or so.
Jamie’s parents, on the other hand, have exactly one set of Baby Legos at their house, and those are toys that I bought and gave them to keep so Ella would have SOMETHING to do at their house. I got some more books from a yard sale in Maine and left some there, so now there will be TWO things for Ella to play with during visits. Everything else—portacrib, stroller, booster seat—we throw in the car and shlep up for the ride. And babysitting? Forget about it! They have never ONCE offered to baby-sit, not even for an hour or two. On the one occasion that Jamie asked his mom to watch Ella, his mom agreed but put in a video for the whole time, which Jamie had promised would keep her entranced. And they have NEVER come to visit Ella; they have come for visits for other reasons, but never with the specific purpose of seeing or doing something with Ella (okay, to be fair, they did come up just after she was born, I guess that might count). I don’t know if this is because they are older or live more modestly or if the difference is that this is their sixth grandchild/great grandchild (vs. first for my mom) or if this is just the way they are.
A poll
Here’s the thing. I DO NOT EXPECT Jamie’s parents to buy things or offer up their time for us. Ella is nobody’s true responsibility but ours and I am more then willing to accept that and handle her care accordingly. But especially since it is such an extreme contrast with my own mom, the difference IS particularly glaring. And, not that it matters all that much—our parents are our parents and that’s not going to change—but I guess I am kind of curious as to what is ‘normal’ to expect of grandparents. Exactly how overboard does my mom go? And just how shafted are we with Jamie’s parents? So I would like to propose a poll. If you are interested, would you please come by my TTM board and answer the following questions?
Background information: How many grandkids? Ages of grandkids? How far away do they live from you? How often do you and the kids go to visit Grandma and Grandpa? Any other mitigating circumstances (ie Ill health, very old/young grandparents, very wealthy/poor)?
How many toys/accessories do your/your spouse’s parents keep in their home for their grandchildren? Who purchased this stuff?
How often do they come to visit, especially to primarily hang out with their grandchildren?
How often do they baby-sit their grandchildren? How often are these sits for more then 24 hours?
Any other comments?
Thanks in advance. I am hoping the poll will be both fun and informative for everyone.
Hookie
Monday Jamie played hookie from work and we sent Ella to day care and had a ‘parent’s day’. Among other things, we saw the movie Terminator 3. It was pretty good. Funny, a bit over the top, but I love Arnie and loved seeing him back to his old tricks. I would recommend it if you follow the Terminator series or if you love the special effects/bang ‘em up movies. (BTW, if you don’t like these types of movies, I would recommend Spellbound, the documentary about kids competing in the National Spelling Bee. It is fascinating-- at times funny, sad, suspenseful, and with lots of interesting insights about what it takes to get to this competition.) If anyone would like to comment on movies they have seen this summer, I would love to hear it. We don’t get to the movies more then once/month, so I want to make sure I am going to enjoy myself. You can just tack it on to the end of your poll answers :) :) :)
I updated Ella’s web site with some new photos, so feel free to stop by and see how the little cutie is enjoying the nice outdoor weather. There is one new picture on the home page featuring Ella in her bikini (foxy! esp. with a swim diaper bulging out underneath) and four more new ones in the photo section, including a picture of Ella in her new yellow Volkswagen Convertible. The web site is:
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/e/ellarosew/
Well, I guess that’s all for now…
Thanks for reading!
Bonnie
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