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June 24, 2003

Terrible terrible twos

I don’t think I can or even want to sugar coat this, Ella has been very very trying this week. Her fuse is, like, an inch long and if she doesn’t get what she wants she just hits the roof. Here was my morning today:

Scene one: 6:30AM, the house is quiet and peaceful when a piercing sound reverberates throughout the house. It's my little bundle of joy...

Ella: “Mama! Mama!”
Me: Good morning darling! Did you sleep well? Do you have any poops before we go downstairs?
Ella: No!
Me: Okay let's go (pick her up when I smelled the tell tale STANK) Oops! Ella, you do have poops, I can tell. We need to get a clean diaper on before we can go downstairs (carry her to the changing table)
Ella: NOOOOOOOOOOO (proceeds to having
a fit all the way through diaper change).

Scene two: 7:15 Breakfast time. Ella is sitting in her high chair
Me: Ella, which bib do you want to wear (hold up two)
Ella: Dat One! (points to third bib in the drawer)
Me: Fine. (put it on) Do you want bananas or peaches?
Ella: Peach (I get a peach, cut it up, and am about to give it to her) NO NO NO!! Bananaaaaaaaaas (starts to cry).
Me: I’m sorry Ella, but you chose peaches and that is what I made for you. How about some yogurt (she usually has a two course breakfast, a fruit followed by something protein-y)
Ella: Yogurt! (Eats yogurt and concedes it might be fun to have peaches IN the yogurt so eats some of them as well). All Done!
Me: Okay. Good job on breakfast, lets take your bib off and get you cleaned off
Ella: NO!! NO!! (Starts to scream and cry) Cheese! Cheese!
Me: Ella you told me you were finished. Okay, okay, you did a nice job on the yogurt so you can have some cheese… (get ½ slice and present it to her)
Ella: NO!!! NO!!!! Bo-ney, bo-ney
Me: Ella, I got you the cheese you requested. You don’t have to eat it, but I am NOT getting you boloney. If you are all done eating I am cleaning you off and getting you out of there (do so)
Ella: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Full fledged crying fit, complete with flailing arms, kicking legs, tears, and hysteria.

Scene Three: 8:15AM Ella has been relaxing quietly in her crib for about twenty minutes and calls for me to come get her
Me: Hi sweetie! Do you feel better?
Ella: Up! Up! Dat one! Dif-rent sooz
Me: Ella, we already chose shoes to wear and those are the ones we are wearing today (Choosing shoes is a definite daily problem area. Left to her own devises, she will choose pair after pair, growing more and more hysterical as she changes her mind over and over. I have already decided that, as soon as I am done writing this up I am moving all of her shoes into a drawer where she will not be able to see them all the time.)
Ella: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Throws head back, and is returned to crib for more ‘cooling out’ time

Scene four: 8:30AM Ella is again calm and calling for me
Me: Hello, darling girl (quickly pick her up and carry her to the bedroom to avoid shoe discussion)
Ella begins to make funny faces into the mirror (very cute) so I start making funny faces too.
Ella: No! No mama! (hits me)
Me: Ella, you know you aren’t supposed to hit mama. I am going to put you down now, because you hit me.
Ella: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Yowza! Four crying fits in less then two hours—and this is fully rested, with a full stomach, normal routine, no stressors. UG UG UG UG UG. I didn’t even mention the four-eight additional near fits either.

I am trying so hard to be diplomatic about this. I am trying to give in to her when I can and let her make her own decisions. But I am also trying to set firm limits when she is being unreasonable, and explain to her why I cannot always accommodate her. I also try to control her environment so that I can offer her choices that work for everyone, but she is clever and quick to come up with some new request/demand on her own. I am trying to remain positive with her and let her know that I love her all the time, no matter what, but sometimes I know I am short with her, I just can’t help it when the tantrums come one after another after another like this. I know it must be very frustrating for Ella to understand so much, yet not everything, and to be able to express a lot, but not all of what she is feeling and thinking. I know that it would be terrible for me if I could only see and understand a fraction of what was going on around me and I was acutely aware of those limitations. And I know that her love and trust in me is one of the reasons I feel the full vent of her emotions—she is MUCH better behaved at school or when we are visiting friends/ relatives.

Recently I read somewhere that the real “Terrible twos” are more like from 18-30 months and not during the full year she is actually two. True or not, I am clinging to that factoid like a lifeline, because I just can’t imagine it getting even worse.

I am sorry this post is so negative, but it has been a rough morning and I just had to get it out. In closing, I must say that I love my daughter more then ever, she is the best thing that ever happened to me, and now I am going to list some positive things she did this morning as well.

1. She was very cute making funny faces at herself in the mirror. She would scrunch up her nose and narrow her eye, or stick out her tongue, all the while watching herself avidly in the mirror.
2. She has a baby carriage that she will push around endlessly, giving everything from the dog’s monkey toy to the salt and pepper shakers, to my sports bra a ride.
3. She is still my little snuggle bunny. Even in the middle of crying, she will rest her head on my lap or shoulder and bury it in. I take what I can get—I will hug her and pat her and just love her as much as she will let me at these moments.

Well, I guess that’s all for now…

Thanks for reading!
Bonnie

PS—This is my second entry in two days. If you are interested, there is another entry, titled “Social Butterfly in training” under the date 6/23/03.