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June 5, 2003
Phasing out the Bink
For many months now, actually probably close to a year, Ella’s use of the binky has been nearly exclusively kept to the crib, car, and occasionally the carriage, with exceptions when she is hurt or scared. While I am fully aware that there is a pretty significant stigma attached to this, especially for a child over the age of one, my personal feelings for the binky have been very positive and I am very glad that we have had this option as a way for Ella to sooth herself and calm down when she is hurt, tired, anxious or restless (esp. in the car, when I know she isn’t going to be able to get up any time soon). Yes, it was an easy fix, but is that a bad thing?
Well, in any case, we have decided to start thinking about moving Ella away from the Binky. The first step was this Monday, when we stopped offering the binky in the car. I purposefully timed it after our vacation when I knew she didn’t have any big changes coming up and also, no long car rides. In fact, the only guaranteed ride was to and from daycare, which is probably only about eight minutes. The first day I was so nervous, I turned off the radio and kept up a running commentary with Ella the whole time, in addition to stocking the car with additional toys and books. But things went fine and she never even asked for the binky. So far we are on day four with no major issues, which is much better then I ever anticipated. Last night she even fell asleep in the car, which floored me, since I thought if she was tired she would be even more cranky about the whole thing. I guess she probably is ready to move on.
My plan is to cut off the ‘binky in the carriage’ option next, probably in a few weeks. Finally, it will be the crib. This one I am most dreading, since she will often go in the crib and have downtime with her binky even if she isn’t tired but just needs to relax and get back ‘in a good place’. Plus I absolutely hate the idea of her crying herself to sleep, if she cannot go down at first without it. But she does have a lot of other comfort things in her crib—her bear, her stuffed whale, her soft blanket and her warm blanket, and her water sippy cup. Hopefully, like with the car, all my worrying will be for naught. Many times in the past I have found that the more I worry about something the more often it turns out just fine. I hope that is the case this time, because I have been worrying to no end. Time will tell, I guess. Any stories about binky weaning would be much appreciated (esp. the success stories LOL).
Isn’t dictatorship illegal in the US?
Man, Fidel Castro and Mussolini can eat their hearts out because I am living with the strictest little dictator around! I’m just lucky she doesn’t control the troops, because I would have been court marshaled long ago. All day long, my day goes something like this…
Literally, the first thing I hear when I stir in the morning “Mama! MAAAMAAA! Up! Up!”
Going into her room “Poop! Poop! Clean Diaper!”
Downstairs “Baba! Baba! Tai Teet (Turn on Seseme Street). Chay-a, chay-a (move chair in front of the TV)”
Getting dressed “No! Geen pants(green pants)! Dif’rent shoes!”
On and on it goes. She will try to dictate where I sit, what I say (for some reason she hates it when I say ‘I love you’ to her and responds with a forceful ‘No!’), what I do (or don’t do, especially picking her up and carrying her), what she eats (or doesn’t eat) where she sits to eat, which placemat she uses, where the dog sits and what the dog does, and all the activities of all children and adults around her. When she is displeased with someone or something she will remand them with a strict NO or go straight to using force, be it a shove, a hit, grabbing the displeasing item away, or throwing it on the floor.
Of course, I know all this is normal and she is trying to demonstrate/ define her influence over the world around her but it gets trying PRETTY DARN fast. I try to let as much of it go as possible, going along with her when I can and explaining firmly to her when I cannot/will not. The hitting/ shoving thing is particularly tough, because it’s such a fine line between redirecting her and giving her the attention she is seeking through these negative behaviors. I have found that even if I give her a time out there is a twinkle of satisfaction in her eye, as she knows she is really pushing it now. She doesn’t even seem upset unless I speak very forcefully, and I hate purposefully turning on a really mean voice to just get the point across in a way she will dislike. I have tried to redirect the hitting to inanimate objects, which had limited success. Recently I have been telling her that, instead of hitting mommy, she can pat mommy. She will do this, gently rubbing my arm then patting it all the while chanting “Pat, pat, pat” but sooner or later I can almost see her eyes start to glean mischievously and, though she chants “Pat, pat” as soft as ever her arm gets more and more forceful. It’s a work in progress, I’ll tell you that. As always, advice, suggestions and ‘been there, done that’ stories are appreciated.
She also has lately taken to being more clingy to me then ever, and, even worse, pretty mean to her father. She barely looks up when he comes home from work and lately has been refusing to come in with me to wake him up in the morning. She won’t give him kisses or hugs and only sometimes says good night to him. She will always prefer that I give her dinner, put her to bed, carry her somewhere, bathe her, or just hang out with her. So far, Jamie has been pretty good about the whole thing but I know it is disappointing to him. As much as you know it is a toddler doing her toddler thing, to be rejected and ignored day after day by this cute little munchkin that you just want to love and be kind to is hard. I hope this phase doesn’t last long.
Day Care
I just love Ella’s new day care, I’m practically bursting with pride with myself for having gotten her in there. I really like all the staff members; they are all very friendly with me and kind to Ella whenever I see them. And they all seem to really enjoy being there with the kids, which is so refreshing and relieving to me. Ella knows the names of all the kids in her room and all the teachers and she will talk about them throughout the day if we ask her. On a couple occasions I will sing a song or nursery rhyme to her and she will start doing hand motions or a little dance that I have never seen before and I know she learned it at school. I get such a kick out of imagining her there with all the kids going through the day. Boy do I wish they had an Internet video connection, I would be glued to it all day long. I also don’t mind that almost every day she comes home with stained hands and clothing, it means that she has been hard at work on some cute activity or other. She does continue to have separation anxiety almost everyday, however, which is no fun. Leaving her crying is just the worst, even if I know she will be fine within five minutes.
Well, I guess that’s all for now…
Thanks for reading!
Bonnie
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