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March 9, 2004
A sensitive soul
I spend a lot of time on these entries documenting all of Ella’s cute antics, sayings and hyjinks. I do it because it’s fun, cute, and charming and is also a lot of what Ella has been up to. Reading over some of the past few entries, though, it strikes me that there is a significant aspect of Ella’s personality that, while harder to document, is no less a part of who she is.
Ella has always been a very sensitive child. Early on her aversion to loud noises made itself known when she cried whenever we vacuumed around her. Later, when she would accidentally turn on the TV or switch channels to be greeted by the loud static sound, it would cause her to instantly burst into tears. Even now she doesn’t like to be in a room with a loud air conditioner or to be outside when someone is mowing the lawn or blowing snow. Whenever we vacuum we tell her we are going to do so and then one of us will go upstairs with her and close the door. I can tell she tries to be brave during these times but is distracted and anxious until the deed is done, and only then after cautiously calling downstairs, “You finished vacuuming, daddy?” And the hair drier? Forget about it! The poor girl was in such a state after I tried to blow dry her hair this winter that she was skittish around bath time for weeks. Suffice it to say, we just towel dry it now.
Similarly, she is very very conservative in what kind of television she will watch. It’s not like we put on anything above a rated G for her anyway, but very slight things will set her off. She instantly leaves the room or calls for us if either the Big Bad Wolf or the Yip Yip aliens come on Sesame Street. Even Miffy, the most innocent drab non scary show around, about a little animated clay bunny, got her all in a tizzy when they had a segment where Miffy and Boris Bear had a sleepover and Boris was spooked when an owl hooted outside. For weeks Ella confided in me how she was scared of owls. And Disney movies? Forget it. She cried and left the room when watching Nemo whenever the sharks came on and we never did get to watch The Great Mouse Caper after the opening scene, where junkyard dogs chase our heroes through town, left her a crying mess. She is definitely braver when watching TV on one of our laps, but I can still see her eyes get a little wider and her breathing a little quicker anytime there is drama on TV.
Finally, as my mom put it, we do not have the makings of a movie star here. Ella absolutely hates to be the center of attention. This doesn’t extend to times when it is just Jamie and I, but anyone else puts her on guard, especially if they go right up to her and try to engage her. With people she is comfortable with, especially if it is only one or two, she can and does eventually warm up but nothing makes this child more grumpy and withdrawn then a roomful of people who are excited to see her.
Again, here is an example of the whole nature vs. nurture thing coming out. Where did Ella get these sensitivities? Are they just a part of who she is, bound to emerge regardless of the circumstances, or is this the product of bad experiences up to this point. As our only child and the center of our universes, I can’t imagine how we could have inadvertently scarred her sense of security, but could that be it. On a different note, I don’t think Jamie or myself are overly cautious, in our own lives or by being hypervigilent with Ella and thus over-sensitizing her to all the fears of the world. I do think that both of us think of ourselves as ‘introverts that act like extroverts to put on a good face for the public’ but I know we have done everything we can to teach her happy positive interactions with others.
It’s really not that big of a deal, I know, and Ella’s tendencies are nothing that I would consider abnormal. But I do worry, because I’m her mom. I want her to be happy, secure, and independent and anything that looks like it might block or slow those goals is bound to leave a mark on my radar screen. But I did want to mention it, because it is part of who she is.
Leaving on a jet plane…
I have been pretty busy this week, even though it is spring break, getting everyone ready to go, Jamie and I to Florida and Ella to the Cape. Rather then write much more of an entry, I am going to cut and past the e-mail I sent to my mom of tips for watching Ella, since I think it summarizes a lot of her life right now anyway. Hopefully the next time I write, I will be tanned and relaxed!
Hey ma, thought we'd send along some Ella tips. A lot of this you know and is nothing new, but I figured it couldn't hurt to have a little cheat sheet.
Things Ella likes to do: Probably more than you need, but you'll have lots of options.
Help with cooking
dress up like a doggie (doggie costume has matching socks that go with them, they have spots all over them. Often this is the only footwear she will wear with the costume)
Watch videos
Have a tea party (haven't actually done this but she has talked about it)
Look at pictures, especially of people she knows (and herself!)
Read
Play with Leap Pad
Go to the library and play in the kids section
Go to the playground
Draw/paint/glue things
Go to pet stores and look at the animals
Hang out with you under the covers with a flashlight (actually she always likes a good flashlight)
help to brush the dogs
She likes to play a game called "I like" which basically just involves you and her going back and forth yelling things that you like at each other and sometimes tickling each other ie. "I like... STRAWBERRIES" "I like... PIZZA" "I like... pillows!" "I like.... my ozzie bear!" It's very cute and a good way to pass the time in a checkout line, or while driving.
Remember, when she goes to the supermarket she likes to get a cookie from the bakery. She also likes a slice of cheese from the deli and/or bread, but those last two you can usually talk her out of if you aren't buying them anyway. ALSO, if she's sees one, she likes to ride in the truck carts that some grocery stores have, but if she doesn't see one she is fine riding in the cart in the front.
Read the comics with you when you read the paper.
Play on the computer (http://www.sesameworkshop.org/sesamestreet/?scrollerId=games) while sitting on your lap. her favorite games are "keyboard-o-rama", "peekaboo with Elmo", "sounds around town". She can play them by herself once you set them up for her. The other games she likes but you need to do the mousepad for her
Getting her nails painted.
Things she likes to eat (**= her favorites)
Pizza**
mac and cheese**
grilled cheese**
pb&j**
chicken nuggets dipped in ketchup
yogurt (strawberry and blueberry)
scrambled eggs (sometimes likes ketchup)
toast
pancakes
french toast
cereal
pasta with red sauce
Chicken (sometimes)
Hamburger (sometimes)
hot chocolate**, 1/3 of a packet at a time in a small cup (made with warm milk with marshmellows on it. Give her a spoon since she first likes to fish out all the marshmellows.)
soup
fruit
Milkshakes with fruit in them**
She still uses a bib for anything that involves a spoon.
Bath Time
make sure water isn't too hot, she likes it only a little above lukewarm
Remind her to look up at the ceiling and close her eyes before you pour water over her head
She likes to cuddle wrapped up in a towel after bath time
Doesn't like hair dryer
We usually wash her first and then let her play
Bed time
Clean diaper and jammies
story or stories depending on how long
say good night to all the animals in the pictures around the room
Things in her crib: Soft blanket, ozzy bear, binky, blanket, water (give her fresh water in her red sippy cup)
When you say good night tell her you'll see her when the sun comes up. If she wakes up too early (before 6) you can remind her that it's still night time and she usually goes back to sleep for a while.
Teethbrushing--only put a tiny bit of toothpaste on the brush for her, just a smudge really, since she is still working on spitting and swallows most of it.
Disclipline
Easiest--take away what ever she is doing, after a warning (Ella, I am going to take that spoon if you keep banging the table. I am going to put the toy away because you threw it and it could break. I am going to stop playing this game because you hit me)
If she fusses, you can tell her to leave the room while she is feeling fussy (Ella, I understand you are upset but your fussing is giving me a headache so you will need to do it in the other room. You can come back in when you are less fussy -then carry her out and she will usually stay)
Willful disobedience-- A time out. Plunk her in some remote chair with no toys, no people and tell her she is in time out to think and you will tell her when two minutes are up and she can get up. She will usually stay.
If she will not stay in time out, will not leave you alone with fussing, or is just driving you nuts, you can plunk her in the crib and leave her there for as long as you want.
As always, thanks for reading.
Bonnie
PS Happy birthday to my brother Nathan! I can't believe I have a little brother who is turning 29!!! Hope it's a good one!
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