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March 28, 2003
We're well again! It is so relieving to wake up every morning knowing my daugther is healthy once again! The ear nose and throat doctor said that her left tube was coming out and that's why the infection wouldn't go away - it was building up! He gave us some ear drops, ointment and confidence that everything will be just fine. I was so scared when they said the infection had spread to her blood. I was imagining the worst, of course. I'm so not an optomist at bad times!!!!!
Speaking of optomisim - I need some encouragement! I found a lump in my breast and last night I was so worked up and upset that I was actually hyperventilating! I kept thinking "I'm not going to get to see Makayla grow up b/c I am going to die early w/ breast cancer." I really am terrified... I need to make an apppointment to get it checked out. My stomach hurts every time I think that it might be something serious. I know the chances of me at my age having breast cancer are under 1%, but that still leaves a chance and I won't be happy until I know for sure. Please keep me in your prayers. For my health and my mind, b/c I can't stop thinking about the worst that could happen. I know God has a plan and knows what's best (even though we humans tend to think differently at times!) but I'm just scared... I would appreciate all the encouragement and prayers I could get!
Russell and I are doing great. Wednesday we went to counseling and worked through a little hurdle that we crossed. From the last week, we had a homework assignment to do - answer in detail these questions... 1) What do you want out of the marriage? And 2) What are you willing to contribute to the marriage? Well, like a good wife worried about making her marriage work, I did it. Well, HE DIDN'T! I immediately was emotionally hurt (understandable, I think) and felt like it wasn't important enough for him to do. Well we worked through that, talked and made it over that hurdle. Also, I have a ring again!!! When we were living together and married, I had his mom's ring. It fit me and she said it would mean more to pass it on than to resize it. Well, when we seperated, obviously I gave it back. He can't afford much but he knew it would mean a lot to have my own, so he got me a small heart-shaped diamond and a new wedding band. I love it - it's MINE! It feels good to be starting over too. He found another band he wants but we have to order it. He said "this will do for now until I can afford something better." I told him this was the best ever. :) I'm just so happy w/ our relationship that the ring doesn't even matter at all!!!!! God totally deserves all the glory b/c only He could have saved and continues to save this marriage. It was beyond repair in human standards and the Lord had a different plan and continues to amaze us every day. =)
Makayla stayed home w/ her Aunt Lisa today and they made a cake. She was so excited when I talked to her on the phone. "MAMA - CAKE! YOU EAT TOO!" lol She makes me laugh so much - she's my #1 source of joy and I don't know what I would do without my angel!!!!!! I LOVE YOU MAKAYLA! Well, I'm going to go for now, but I just wanted to update everyone on the health situation and the marriage situation! I hope everyone has a great weekend! HAPPY SPRING! =)
God Bless, Becky and Makayla
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