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Home › Articles › Toilet Training › Holding On by a Safety Pin:When Mom is not Ready to Potty Train

Holding On by a Safety Pin:When Mom is not Ready to Potty Train

By Carma Haley

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mother and child A child depends upon her parents to offer direction and encouragement of the things she does. A mother who shows distress, sadness or loss as a result of a child learning to go potty will discourage the child and could indirectly cause the child to lose ground in his development. "If the child feels that to become independent makes the parent feel abandoned, then the child will compromise his own innate drive for independence for the parent," says Gross. "Then the child, in an effect, becomes a caretaker of the parent. If a mother can give a child the good feeling not make him feel he is doing something wrong or that he is abandoning or being disloyal to his mother, the child will only benefit with increased self-esteem and confidence. In addition, the child will learn to trust the mother, her words, her actions and her reactions to what he does. Reacting with regret, sadness or fear of her child not needing her anymore will prevent the child from progressing in not only his independence, but also in his maturity."

It is not a crime or immoral to wish or want a child to stay young in order to feel needed. It is natural and frequently unavoidable. However, a parent should not allow this want or wish to interfere with allowing a child to grow and mature. An alternative is to feel pride in what you have helped your child to grow and become. "In a way [potty training] is an exciting event, but it also serves as proof that he is growing," says Crystel Riggs of Word Journey Productions in Clemson, SC. "When my son first closed the bathroom door to get privacy, I realized that he is growing and maturing every day. It hurts me, I have to admit, but I am proud and happy all at the same time. I do wish, very often in fact, that all of them could stay little, or go back to being little. It's so hard to give up the idea of having a little one in the house that needs me."

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