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Trials of the Toilet Trained
When Accidents Arise Later
By Tamar Weiss
Sometimes, when dealing with such sensitive issues, it's hard to know how to respond. "The way we react really affects our kids," says Warbell. "I always felt like I had the weight of (my son's) life on my shoulders with this issue." Warbell wanted her son to be comfortable with his body and the idea of his bodily functions. "I was so nervous that reacting the wrong way would cause damage only years of therapy would undo," she jokes.
Hindsight is, of course, 20/20 and looking back Denise Villard says she should have never raised her voice. "I did get very frustrated sometimes, though," she says. Villard does feel good about the way she and her son always spoke constructively about better ways to make it to the bathroom on time.
When accidents happen, Dr. Folds says to calmly talk to your child and involve your child in deciding what to do about it. For instance, parents can show their children where to find clean changes of clothing. "Notice if the child acts on the suggestions, and encourage them to continue until they have regained control," she says. "It's important to remember that "to praise and encourage children to do the right thing helps imprint the right action in their own feeling of self-worth."
Accidents commonly occur in the course of a school day. In such a case, a teacher's reaction should be "matter-of-fact and non-judgmental," says Dr. Martha Pieper, child development expert and c-author of Smart Love.