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When Toddlers Are Bullies
. "If the toddler finds out that the chosen behavior of bullying works, he will continue to use it as long as it gets him what he wants usually control over another person."
To stop toddlers from practicing bullying behavior, parents should "teach bullies to develop better ways of handling conflicts," according to Jody Johnston Pawel, a licensed social worker and second-generation parent educator, and the author of The Parent's Toolshop: The Universal Blueprint for Building a Healthy Family. "Bullies are often stuck in a negative role. When bullies are scolded, labeled and punished, it proves to them that they really are mean people and deserve to suffer. Discouraged and angry, they get revenge on their favorite victim for getting them in trouble. Nonviolent alternatives give them a way out."
Pawel recommends parents "encourage children to show they're sorry by taking responsibility for any harm they caused. They can get ice, look at the wound, say they're sorry, or do nothing-and live with whatever self-imposed guilt they might have." She advises against forcing children to apologize. "'Sorry' is a word people can say insincerely to erase their responsibility and guilt."
Thomson adds, "Punishment is not usually effective. It is more concerned with stopping a behavior than looking at other choices." Instead, parents should intervene as soon as they become aware of the problematic behavior. Thomson suggests parents tell their children, "'It is not okay to push, hit, bite, kick, spit, threaten,' and follow up with something like 'I know that you are upset or frustrated right now, but the choices you are making are not okay.'" He stresses the importance of connecting the child's behavior with the problem.