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Early Explorers:When Toddlers Discover Their Sexual Selves
By Phyllis Ring
The best teachable moments are never forced, but happen when parent and child are enjoying each other's company in a relaxed atmosphere. "An informal, loving chat in the car is more effective than a tense, rushed parent trying to make bath time a learning experience," Geula says. "Children are also affected by the way adults react to their questions, which for toddlers, may be less verbal than shown in our facial expressions, tone of voice or body language."
"We try to give enough information and good attention for them to feel secure their question's been addressed, and that we love them, without telling more than they're really looking to know," Johnson Davis says.
"Don't become so anxious about the child's sexual explorations that you forget this is also a chance to teach about character, values and conduct such as personal dignity and awareness of others' comfort," Geula says. "We can say, 'There are things people like to do together, like eat and laugh and play, and there are things we do in private, like use the bathroom, pick our nose or touch our penis.' Explain that other people feel more comfortable when we respect social norms."
As with most behavior, children take cues about modesty from watching adults, Haskell says. "It's fairly obvious when a child's uncomfortable about something, and important to notice when you aren't comfortable, too."
"I realized it was time for me to stop taking baths with my son, as well as address his questions, when he began to actually ask me why I looked different than he did," Johnson Davis describes.
As your toddler explores sexuality, being positive and matter-of-fact, keeping things simple and looking to what you model yourself may be your best response, Haskell says. "What you teach them with love begins a healthy self-exploration that will last their whole life."